Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Me Being A Bitch, As Usual

Once a year, Mister Wonderful and I put aside our differences and go on a one day shopping excursion to pick up gifts for the Papooses for Christmas.  This year, MW said we should bring Bestie with us, which was a fabulous idea, and I was so tickled that she did come with us.  Of course, he decided we had to go to the Galleria in Dallas, so Bestie could see it.  It was really fun, but we wasted so much of our day driving and dealing with traffic and all the people, not to mention the fact that NOTHING was purchased at the mall, except for a dress I picked up myself for Papoose #2 and a bracelet I got for Papoose #1, that it was sort of frustrating.  We didn't end up accomplishing much that day.  Was a an incredibly fun and nice day, but not productive at all.

So I spent the 23rd and 24th madly out running around trying to find the things we needed for under the tree and for the Christmas feast.

The deal was, MW would reimburse me whatever money I spent, since he had the Christmas savings money in his account.   Now I have to pay the mortgage tomorrow, and have yet to see anyones share of the rent, much less the reimbursement money for the Christmas stuff I spent my money on.  What a surprise!!!!

Oh well, this too shall pass.   I will manage it one way or another.

I've already notified The Real Deal that I need to amp up my work hours at Job #2, it'll take a couple weeks before I have a bigger check to reflect that, but at least it will come at some point.

The stress of working all these hours is really wearing on me.  Especially since I can't actually save any money yet or fix the jalopy or anything like that.  It ALL goes to the bills that I seem to be the only one worried about paying.  Keeping a roof over everyones head.

It's incredibly frustrating.

Then, it's like nobody really realizes how exhausting my jobs are, especially Job #2.  Physically demanding.  And the stress of Job #1 is tiring as well.  I'm not bitching or crying or whining, I just think it would be nice if someone in my household appreciated what I'm doing in order for them to have a nice place to live and behave accordingly.

Nobody else in the house is lying awake at night, because the stress and worry about paying for the house is so bad that they can't sleep.  Only me.

Nobody else in the house feels massive guilt if they dare to buy themselves fast food or a Diet Coke at the store, because that is wasting money that should be going towards the mortgage.  Only me.

Nobody else goes without buying things they need, because every hard earned penny has to go to paying for the roof over everyones head.  Only me.

I honestly and truly don't mind working hard.  I don't.  I've done it for years.

I just think that if I'm working so hard, so that everyone else can have a nice place to live and the leisure and time to actually enjoy that home, when I never have that, at least everyone can be nice and appreciative and idk, helpful.

I'm done now.

Sorry all.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

A Case Of The Munchies, or, Santa Digs Him A Toke or Two

Quiet Christmas weekend around the tepee.  That is, until one of Papoose #1's idiot friends opened his big mouth yesterday and let the cat out of the bag about Papoose #1 owning a hookah.

For those of you unable to keep up with the class, that's a bong.

Still struggling?????

The story was that she 'only used it to smoke some very healthy natural safe clean tobacco' out of a 'couple of times'.  Of course, I was the bitch for being in the least bit upset, disappointed, or judgmental.

Hey, I TRIED to keep my mouth shut and go on about my day, but she wouldn't leave me alone about whether or not I was pissed off and kept nipping at my heels like a bad puppy till I finally relented and let her know exactly how I felt about it.

She did NOT like what I had to say, and packed up her shit and took off out of the house.

There are reasons beyond the obvious, reasons I cannot post on here, about why her owning such a thing is SO not ok in her/our situation.

Fuck it.  Not only am I DEVASTATED that after all the effort I've put into raising her NOT to make those types of decisions, the fact still remains that more than being disappointed in her, I'm terrified for her safety and health.

I don't care what anyone says, or who does or does not partake, drugs are bad.  They are bad for you and they are illegal.

Even if she's smoking that bullshit so called legal hallucinogen Salvia, people are taking bad trips on that stuff and jumping out of windows etc.

It's all dangerous and it's all bullshit.

Pulling any type of smoke into your lungs is bad for you.

She is my baby.  I never even had candy or soda around her for the first multiple several years of her life.

She also stood up in the living room and told me that the fact that I drink too much beer too often makes me the last person in the world that has any right to tell her that shit is bad for her.

I disagree.

I'm her mother, not her buddy.  I still have a right to worry about her unapologetically, and I always will.

I'm trying so hard to do what I am supposed to do.  To let her live her life and make her own choices and decisions.  I tried to just keep my mouth shut and go on about my business getting my laundry done and other things I'd not had time to do for awhile.

Don't force someone to answer something unless you are SURE you want to hear their answer.

I love you Baby Girl.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

So many things I want to say.....

Just don't have the patience to wrangle the thoughts and put them into even semi coherent form..............

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

I'm Here, Sort Of

Dear Stomach:  I want to apologize for eating so many jalapenos last night.  I know that you no longer appreciate me indulging in certain foods, and I promise, if you will just stop trying to kill me, I will not force said foods upon you ever again.  (Until the craving hits again, anyhow).  Sincerely, Me.

So, my meds went missing.  The old EMPTY bottle was still in my purse, but the brand new bottle, to which I had added the last 10 or so out of the old bottle, has gone completely missing.  Can't find it anywhere.  I've somehow let it fall out of my purse or some dumb ass thing.  This is NOT good news for anyone.  Anyhow, found another old bottle of them in the bathroom drawer this morning, so after three days of no meds, we are back on track.  Still have to find that other bottle that I JUST had filled Friday tho, this old bottle won't last long, not many left in it.

Papoose #1 leaves Tarleton today to move home for the semester.  Well, she isn't moving HOME, she will be living with The Real Deal.  She will have her own room and full bathroom.  Lucky girl!!  She starts back at Job #2 tomorrow as well.  TRD is hooking her up with full time hours and a raise from when she worked there before.  He is such a good man.  Takes good care of us......

I pray she will take this time to learn and collect herself and learn how to be happy and self confident.  I want her to learn to love herself, learn how to be alone and happy with it.  She needs to learn that ever tough lesson of how to be happy with herself and not think she needs someone in her life to make her happy.  Tough one.  Pray for her.

I blame myself for every bad decision, less than stellar behavior, and bit of unhappiness my kids make, do, or suffer.  I have tried so hard to do right by them, but always find myself lacking.  I hate the feeling, but I cannot control feeling it.  There must be something I could do better so that they would have it easier now.  Idk.

And yet, I feel myself pulling back, feeling I need to put them out there to make their own decisions and deal with life as adults.  Ugh.

I think I am constantly too exhausted to really think clearly anymore.

I said no to TRD for the first time EVER when he wanted to fool around after we closed the store last night. Now that's really bothering me too.

Fuck, I need therapy.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Hump Day Huffing

I cannot begin to describe how much I dislike that cheesy ass song "The Christmas Shoes".  Good grief.  It's along the lines of soap operas.  Bleh.

Also overplayed at Christmastime "Same Old Lang Syne" by Dan Folgelberg, I think it is.  Shit.

I'm so exhausted anymore, I can barely even put a thought in order in my brain.  I'm just wrung the fuck out.

I was walking around the corner at Job #2 last night and The Real Deal called out to me, I turned around and in doing so, clocked myself in the eye with a huge pot that hangs from the wall there.  I smacked myself so hard that I saw stars and almost blacked out.  Everyone was calling out, "What the hell was THAT???"  I was so tickled by my clumsiness that I giggled about it for some time afterwards.  TRD was torn between concern for me and trying not to laugh his ass off.  It was hilarious.  I have a VERY sore eyebrow/bone thingie today.  Haha.

Date night with TRD tonight.  Lucky girl  :-D   He is sooo happy in his new digs.  It's such a nice, spacious, well maintained place.  He is so happy there.  I love hanging out with him there.  He made me lasagna last week for our date night.  Tonight I'm making us chicken noodle soup, since both of us have been a little under the weather.  I'm telling you what, I love that man with every bone in my body, but he is the BIGGEST baby when he is sick.  Talk about drama king.  Hehe.

I had wanted to get the Christmas tree last Saturday when Papoose #1 was home, but I was gone during the day then she was gone all evening, so the timing was off.  This Saturday will mark the first time in almost 20 years that she has not been with us when we shop for, then decorate our Christmas tree.

I am going to have zero money to Christmas shop with this year.  I don't have any money to steal from Peter to pay Paul or anything.  This is a pretty crummy feeling.  I know that isn't the important part of the Holidays, but I so enjoy picking up something for the Papooses etc that will make them happy.  Every cent I earn goes to the house and bills.  This is gonna be sad to me.  Urg.

Every time we have a fund raiser for a school at Job #2, 90% of the parents that show up get snookered on margaritas and beer.  Interesting.

We also have a big PTA group that comes in for their monthly meeting and uses our banquet room.  Boy howdy, do those women put away some alcohol.  We even had one go home with a dude that picked her up there!!!  Left her car and went home with him.  Another one was discovered in a compromising position, with a man that was not her husband, by TRD one night when he locked up and left out the back door.  Poor guy was like "I don't care, I don't want to know, just please let me leave" when she was following him to his truck trying to justify and explain herself.  Haha.

My Bestie has been incredible about stepping in and parenting Papoose #2 for me while I'm away working.  It is such a blessing to have her there with us.   Pap #2 just adores her.

Bestie has also adopted our little female chihuahua Lilly.  She is not really an animal lover, but she loves Lilly and has taken to letting her sleep with her and buying her clothes and just generally hauling her around with her.  See?  Everyone benefits from having a Bestie around the house!!!

We have had a broken toilet in our backyard for five weeks now.  Mister Wonderful threw it out there when he flipped out about having to replace it after he cracked the old one when he was putting it back together after removing it to clear a bad clog and replace the seal.  No, I'm not going to pick it up during my twelve hours I have off work a week.  And yes, I am keeping track of how long he leaves it out there.  Fucking gross.  All we need now are a couple pit bulls chained up in the yard and some fighting cocks crowing out there.

Yes, the MW fantasies about having two wives have begun in our house.  Too funny.

He has started back on his Effexor.  The world will be a better place if we can keep him taking them this time.  If ever there was a person that needed medical intervention, it's that man.

I still don't like twitter.

Well, I've bored you all enough for one day.

Have a great day, and stay warm.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Ok, How The Hell Do I Do This Twitter Thing??

So far, the only person I've found is Wendell.   What's everyone else's damn name thingies on there?????


Dammit all to hell!!!!!  Now I feel like the weird kid that doesn't get invited to all the cool parties and doesn't have anyone to sit with at lunch.....

Buncha bullies.


It's Friday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When I walked in the door around midnight last night, there was a beautiful vase full of flowers on the table.  Bestie and Papoose #2 got them for me.  Is that the sweetest thing ever, or what?????

The house also smelled wonderful from the turkey pot pie Bestie had made for the family earlier that night.

Papoose #1 is coming home for the weekend.  I'm a happy momma.

We will all be going to get our Christmas tree on Saturday night.

Still don't know if the parade is a go or if they will cancel it.

As you all know, I adore all animals.  I especially love my horses.  But, I have to say in all honesty, the fact that they may/will be opening up slaughter houses to deal with unwanted horses is actually very incredibly good news for horses.  I would rather know that they are being put down and processed for useful purposes than to see them starve to death.  If there is a place people can take them if they can no longer care for them, or the horses are aged or for any other reason are unwanted, that will cut down on all horses suffering in the end.  As it is now, horses are slowly starving to death all over the place, they are neglected, they are having their brands cut off of their bodies and being turned loose to live or die in the middle of nowhere.....having all sunshine and daisy ideals about stopping horse slaughter and the bills that passed to support that, is the most cruel thing that has happened to the horse industry in decades.  Anyhow, that's my two cents.

Just because my friends and I can and will keep our animals till the day they die, doesn't mean everyone can or will.  We need somewhere for those poor beasts to be taken.  Think about it from a different perspective.

All of these people that keep killing their kids need to be tortured and killed.  No waste of taxpayer money evaluating, prosecuting and feeding them for the rest of their lives.  Mother fuckers need to be disposed of.

Papoose #2 has Saturday school from 8am to noon tomorrow for tardies she got from us not getting out of the house on time a few days a couple weeks ago.  Oops.  That shit needs to never happen again.  We are so naughty.

Although I believe that our government is a massively corrupt and greedy entity, I wouldn't want to live anywhere else in the world, really.

Except maybe Australia.  And they won't have me permanently, to be sure.

I only slept a couple of hours last night, broken sleep, because my dumb ass had a cup of coffee last night, on top of the diet coke I had been drinking from lunch all the way through my drive home.  Dumb ass.

One of our mangers in training has an old pos cell phone.  One of the things the manager on duty has to do is send our hourly sales to all the other managers and owners.  Well, this particular fellow didn't have anything on his phone where he could group his contacts in order to send these group texts out to everyone, so he downloaded what he thought was an app to fix that.  What it ended up being was some sort of chat room type thing.  He starts messing with it a little after midnight the other night, and hilarity ensued.  He had dozens of people texting wtf back and forth to each other, people being woke up who had to be at work at 3am etc.  Nobody could figure out wth was going on and why all these texts were flying around.  The poor guy won't live that one down for awhile.

I am at a dead point on my desk at Job #1 right now.  In between having enough to do, because I'm waiting for things from other people in order to move forward.  I hate that.  I hate not being busy.

I wanna be in bed with a good book right now.

Have a good day peeps.

Jar, You Guys Sure Do Know How To Get In The Holiday Spirit At The McMansion!!!!

Thursday, December 1, 2011


Friday Eve

I think I just fell a little bit in love with the other gal in the office.....she brought me yummy junk food from Jack in the Crack.  Mmmmmm, SO worth the tummy ache that should be hitting in about five, four, three, two.......

Laurent Robinson, #81 of your Dallas Cowboys, is a really neat guy.  His wife/fiance is a doll too.  He came to our store and signed autographs and took pics with customers/fans.  Had dinner with us and we all had the best time.  Really nice kid.

The Real Deal gave me the most lovely ring for Christmas.  It makes me happy when I look at it.

Mister Wonderful has been on his best behavior since Bestie has moved in.  He is just so damn smitten with her, it's pretty funny.  We call her his other wife.

My Bestie is a really neat person.  Classy, and has great taste.  Dresses great.  I feel like such a bum around her hahahaha.  It's like Mister Wonderful and I both gained a wife, having her around the house.  She is keeping the house in order, even with the Papooses in and out of there.  That's more than I can manage half the time, thats for darn sure.

We have heart ache going on in our tepee.  Papoose #1 can't get anyone to give her any student loans without a cosigner, and with the bankruptcy etc, my credit is too trashed to be of any help to her.  She may not be able to go to school for this semester, and it's killing me that I can't do anything to help her.  I don't know what to do.  She is stressed out and depressed about it.  The loans she has had up till now, she has paid back faster than required and been so diligent about it.  Gets straight A's too.  But since she isn't staying at Tarleton as an RL, she loses that scholarship that paid for so much of her schooling.

I just don't know what to do now.  She has worked so hard.

I'm guessing our Stockyards Christmas parade is going to be rained out this Saturday?

Well, short and sweet.  Gotta get back to work.

Peace, all.

Fido Gets His Revenge

Dog shoots man |