Tuesday, December 13, 2011

I'm Here, Sort Of

Dear Stomach:  I want to apologize for eating so many jalapenos last night.  I know that you no longer appreciate me indulging in certain foods, and I promise, if you will just stop trying to kill me, I will not force said foods upon you ever again.  (Until the craving hits again, anyhow).  Sincerely, Me.

So, my meds went missing.  The old EMPTY bottle was still in my purse, but the brand new bottle, to which I had added the last 10 or so out of the old bottle, has gone completely missing.  Can't find it anywhere.  I've somehow let it fall out of my purse or some dumb ass thing.  This is NOT good news for anyone.  Anyhow, found another old bottle of them in the bathroom drawer this morning, so after three days of no meds, we are back on track.  Still have to find that other bottle that I JUST had filled Friday tho, this old bottle won't last long, not many left in it.

Papoose #1 leaves Tarleton today to move home for the semester.  Well, she isn't moving HOME, she will be living with The Real Deal.  She will have her own room and full bathroom.  Lucky girl!!  She starts back at Job #2 tomorrow as well.  TRD is hooking her up with full time hours and a raise from when she worked there before.  He is such a good man.  Takes good care of us......

I pray she will take this time to learn and collect herself and learn how to be happy and self confident.  I want her to learn to love herself, learn how to be alone and happy with it.  She needs to learn that ever tough lesson of how to be happy with herself and not think she needs someone in her life to make her happy.  Tough one.  Pray for her.

I blame myself for every bad decision, less than stellar behavior, and bit of unhappiness my kids make, do, or suffer.  I have tried so hard to do right by them, but always find myself lacking.  I hate the feeling, but I cannot control feeling it.  There must be something I could do better so that they would have it easier now.  Idk.

And yet, I feel myself pulling back, feeling I need to put them out there to make their own decisions and deal with life as adults.  Ugh.

I think I am constantly too exhausted to really think clearly anymore.

I said no to TRD for the first time EVER when he wanted to fool around after we closed the store last night. Now that's really bothering me too.

Fuck, I need therapy.


  1. there is a light at the end of this tunnel....

    p.s. your kids are AMAZING... and you get every bit of credit for that....

  2. You aint even married yet and your already pulling the "I've got a headache" crap.
    You women are unreal sometimes.

  3. Kids are tough. My daughter is only 14 and I think she's trying to kill me. I have learned I can't always blame myself, though and that has helped-not with wanting to murder her-but with making me feel better about my parenting job.