Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Me Being A Bitch, As Usual

Once a year, Mister Wonderful and I put aside our differences and go on a one day shopping excursion to pick up gifts for the Papooses for Christmas.  This year, MW said we should bring Bestie with us, which was a fabulous idea, and I was so tickled that she did come with us.  Of course, he decided we had to go to the Galleria in Dallas, so Bestie could see it.  It was really fun, but we wasted so much of our day driving and dealing with traffic and all the people, not to mention the fact that NOTHING was purchased at the mall, except for a dress I picked up myself for Papoose #2 and a bracelet I got for Papoose #1, that it was sort of frustrating.  We didn't end up accomplishing much that day.  Was a an incredibly fun and nice day, but not productive at all.

So I spent the 23rd and 24th madly out running around trying to find the things we needed for under the tree and for the Christmas feast.

The deal was, MW would reimburse me whatever money I spent, since he had the Christmas savings money in his account.   Now I have to pay the mortgage tomorrow, and have yet to see anyones share of the rent, much less the reimbursement money for the Christmas stuff I spent my money on.  What a surprise!!!!

Oh well, this too shall pass.   I will manage it one way or another.

I've already notified The Real Deal that I need to amp up my work hours at Job #2, it'll take a couple weeks before I have a bigger check to reflect that, but at least it will come at some point.

The stress of working all these hours is really wearing on me.  Especially since I can't actually save any money yet or fix the jalopy or anything like that.  It ALL goes to the bills that I seem to be the only one worried about paying.  Keeping a roof over everyones head.

It's incredibly frustrating.

Then, it's like nobody really realizes how exhausting my jobs are, especially Job #2.  Physically demanding.  And the stress of Job #1 is tiring as well.  I'm not bitching or crying or whining, I just think it would be nice if someone in my household appreciated what I'm doing in order for them to have a nice place to live and behave accordingly.

Nobody else in the house is lying awake at night, because the stress and worry about paying for the house is so bad that they can't sleep.  Only me.

Nobody else in the house feels massive guilt if they dare to buy themselves fast food or a Diet Coke at the store, because that is wasting money that should be going towards the mortgage.  Only me.

Nobody else goes without buying things they need, because every hard earned penny has to go to paying for the roof over everyones head.  Only me.

I honestly and truly don't mind working hard.  I don't.  I've done it for years.

I just think that if I'm working so hard, so that everyone else can have a nice place to live and the leisure and time to actually enjoy that home, when I never have that, at least everyone can be nice and appreciative and idk, helpful.

I'm done now.

Sorry all.