Tuesday, November 29, 2011

The Fucktards Among Us

Where to begin.

The parade of lights....the parade that I personally have approximately $750.00 of my own hard earned coin invested in......went well, actually.  Although my awesome but still very young and green horse spent the ENTIRE time at the verge of meltdown.  He even pulled a hi ho silver when the frigging marching band came out of a side street and fired up directly behind us.  What a beating.

We have another parade this weekend in the Stockyards.  It is at least a daytime parade, and I am hoping it will be a little less traumatic for him.  Hoping.  Otherwise, YEEEEEEEEEEEHAWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!

Papoose #1 will be back in DFW around December 15th to start her "regroup and get my shit together" semester.  She will be taking classes online and locally, and working to save up some money.  She has gone at it a million percent the past few years and is just emotionally, physically and mentally burned the hell out.  I'm proud of her for making the decision to do things a little bit differently for a semester.  It is the right decision.

You're a mean one, Mister Grinch.........on my radio right now.

We had about 30 people show up at three minutes till closing time last night.  Yes, I was pleasant.  Yes, I was sweet and professional.  Yes, I wanted to shoot them all in the face.

I got in bed at about 1:30 this morning.  At 2:30am I jerked awake to either extremely loud crying or laughing, I couldn't decipher which, since I had been in a dead exhausted slumber and was yanked out of it and still groggy.  Stumbled down the hall to Besties room, knocked and asked her if she was ok.  She seemed confused as to why I would ask such a thing.  Ummm, I'm gonna say BECAUSE IT WAS 2:30 IN THE FUCKING MORNING AND I'M NOT USED TO LOUDNESS IN THE HOUSE DURING THOSE HOURS ON NIGHTS EVERYONE HAS TO GET UP EARLY.  Anyhow, I don't know about other people, but when I get startled awake my heart races and sometimes it even sort of upsets my stomach.  Well, that's what happened last night, so it took me a good half hour before I could fall back to sleep.  It's cool though, it's all just a settling in adjustment time for everyone.   It's part of being family  :-)

Then Mister Wonderful made sure to wake me up early this morning before he left for work.  So all in all, I ended up with about three and a half hours of interrupted sleep.  And everyone wonders why I'm an Angry Squaw!!!   Hahaha!!!!

Thanksgiving was great.  The meal came out superb.  It made me so happy that Bestie loved all of our food too.  You know how everyone does things differently, and I was so worried she wouldn't enjoy the meal.  So happy she did.  Papoose #1 was SO thrilled to have a real home cooked meal.   A full tummy was had by all.

And THEN...............Mister Wonderful started in on the Crown Royal Black.  He drank nearly a whole bottle.  Not the little bottle either, the big fucker.  His behavior was rather irritating after awhile.  I had to beat him with a metal spoon to get him to go to bed and leave everyone alone.  No, that is not a normal thing.  But after HOURS of him saying and doing INCREDIBLY inappropriate things and everyone being entertained by, then patient with him, after HOURS of him wanting to fight the men and wrestle the girls.....we were done.  He refused to get up and leave the room.   So I beat the hell out of him with a metal spoon then ran for my life as he lumbered along behind me threatening to kill me.  By the time he made it to the bedroom, he had forgotten he was pissed off.  I poured him into bed and spent the last few hours before daylight keeping an eye on him, rousing him up every so often to make sure he would respond.  I was terrified he had poisoned himself.


Oh yeah, a couple times during the evening, he actually pulled his balls out of his basketball shorts, to show everyone how huge they are.  Yes, he really did that.  Another time, I look up and he's got his shorts down off his ass, bent over, making his ass cheeks talk.


I was up and out early a few hours later, buying horse feed and making last minute preparations for the parade.

Evidently when he finally roused out of bed the next day, he asked one of our house guests "Why does my head hurt so bad???"  guest replied "That would be the Crown" then he asked the guest "Why does my body hurt so much???" to which the guest replied "Well, THAT would be your wife!!!"

I can't say I didn't enjoy that part just a tiny little bit.

Rat Bastard.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Weary Travelers

Well, I'm back!!!!  

Didja miss me???

I got up at the butt crack of "why the fuck do they even HAVE flights this early" on Thursday and headed to DFW.  Flight left on time as did my connection in Phoenix.  Way cool.

I was picked to do the body scanner thingie.  The lady behind me said "Aww man, no fair!!  Why didn't you pick me???"  Uh, ok.

I was surprised they didn't confiscate my tweezers.

I may or may not have had a few too many beers while I was packing Wednesday night.  I may or may not have been hung the fuck over for my flights.  Oy, the misery.

The charging port on my phone decided to go tits up during the trip.  That was a special kind of joy right there.   Then when I go to do a claim on the insurance and get a new phone, I find out that the idiots somehow deleted coverage on my phone as well as Papoose #2's phone.  The Real Deal called them and got it straightened out for my phone, but they won't add it back to Papoose #2's phone.  Her phone is fine and dandy, and she is super close to an upgrade anyhow, so if anything ever goes wrong with the one she's got, we should be ok anyway.  It will be a few days before I can make a claim and get a new phone.  No biggie.

We stayed in Morrow Bay Thursday night.  It was so great.  We hit all the little shops and looked at the sea lions lounging about.  Then we split a sampler platter of seafood and listened to live entertainment while looking out over the ocean.  It was so serene.

It had been 20 years since I'd been home.  It was surreal seeing everything again.

And no Jar, I didn't fly to California to get a horse, hahaha.  I flew there to pick up my Bestie.  She was in need of a drastic change, so I flew out there and brought her back.  She rented a Uhaul trailer, we hooked it up to her truck, loaded it down with every single thing she owns and drove back to Texas.

I hope she likes Texas.  I feel very responsible for whether or not she is happy here.  Stressing me out.

I'm making tacos for dinner tonight.  Papoose #1 called me while we were on the road, asking me what kind of hamburger to use for tacos and got me craving them so were gonna strap on the taco feed bag at the tepee tonight!!

We will find out today if all the shit I bought for decorating the carts and horses for the parade all works together.  I'm a freaking nervous wreck about it.  Ugh.  Lots and lots of people depending on me to make it all happen...............

We brought back salt water taffy and a couple of treasures for the Papooses.   Some they will get tonight, some will be saved for Christmas presents.

My Bestie is a much better mother than I am.  She has a knack.  She has never had kids of her own, but she's still a better momma than I am.

Well, I've got some things to do.  Better get back to work!

Will share more about the trip later.  Suffice it to say, it was a LONG FUCKING DRIVE.  Haha.

Have a good day all.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

"There are no failures, only opportunities" Words I Needed to Hear, Thanks Buddy

And Awayyyyy We Go!!!

My flight leaves DFW at 6am Thursday morning.  That means, if I am a good little traveler and plan to get to the airport two hours early like I am supposed to, I will have to leave my house by 3am to get to DFW by 4am. Considering I have to load a trailer and start the drive back to Texas as soon as I get off the plane, I am not sure if I may not just be a rebel and get to the airport one hour early instead.  Ugh.

I have SO much to do tomorrow evening before I go.  That is the only evening I have off, so I have a lot of chores to cram into a few hours.

All the lights have arrived for all of the decorations for the Parade of Lights we are doing in Ft. Worth the day after Turkey Day.  So excited!!!  All we are waiting for now are the batteries and inverters to arrive.  They are due to be delivered the end of this week.  I did all the ordering of everything so that we would all match for sure.  I have more lights and crap all over the place than you can shake a stick at.  Such fun!!

That new driving horse of mine is absolutely phenomenal.  What an incredible animal.  I'm having such fun with him.  I wish I had more time to work with him.  This Saturday only thing is making me crabby.

The Real Deal got me an early Christmas present  :-)   It's so pretty.  It's being sized right now.

The service engine light went out on the jalopy after I got gas a day or two after the light first came on.  I guess maybe the cap wasn't on all the way or something.   At least that's what I've been telling myself since it "fixed" itself.  Still going to take my Guardian Angel of All Things Jalopy's advice and have it run on the computer at the auto store though.  Just as soon as I have ten minutes to stop by.

Papoose #1 will be coming home for a semester.  Well, not technically 'home', but back to the DFW area.  She will be staying in The Real Deals extra room and getting some of her classes taken care of from a local campus before transferring down to A&M.  I think she needs the break to have time to be with family and work a good job and save some money up.  She has been hard at it for years now and has nearly burnt herself out.  As long as she's still going to school, I think she's making the right decision for her for right now.


I get so sick and tired of reading the horrific stories of all of the awful things people do to each other.  Especially the awful things people, nay PARENTS, do to their sweet trusting kids.  But I also feel terribly guilty if I turn my back and don't read about it.  So sad.

I love the holidays.  My favorite time of year, by far.  I love Christmas music.  I get really sick and tired of having to defend the fact that I like to listen to Christmas music.  Every year, I get bitched at for playing it.  This year, I'm not arguing the point.  Not one time, not to one person.  Makes me happy and reminds me of my mom.

The first time Mister Wonderful went Christmas shopping with my mother and I, we'd been dating about two months at the time, my mother and I spontaneously burst into song at the same time, singing the same Christmas carol in the parking lot of the Del Monte Mall in Monterey California where we lived.  I thought Mister Wonderful was going to sell his soul for the ground to open up and swallow him.  He used to be incredibly self conscious about things like that.  I've worn him down over the years hahaha.

The Christmas song we burst into top volume was Sleigh Ride.

It's going to be a long drive this weekend.  Looking forward to it, but man is it ever going to be a long drive.  Can't go into detail about the trip yet.  Sort of a covert ops thing.  Hahahahahaa.

We have 18 months to get two more stores opened up in our territory.  That is not very long.  We haven't even recovered from opening the second one yet.  Has to be done though, or our territory goes up for grabs.  Sure will be nice when we start seeing our owner interest money coming in from these stores.  Right now it's just work work work work.  Bleh.

I was carrying the 5 gallon bucket of margarita mix to the cooler last night and the lid came off and dumped margarita all down the front of me.  I was covered in it from my boobs to my knees.  We didn't have another shirt for me to change into either.  So I had to finish the last couple hours of the night like that.  Thank goodness I didn't get pulled over on the way home.....as exhausted as I am all the time and smelling like that, they never would have believed I was sober!!

FYI, margaritas are a sticky nasty messy drink.

Ok, enough with the boring stuff.  Time to work now.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

This Is The Song That Was Running Through My Head While I Was Dying

My Body Tried To Kill Me

It started on Saturday, and I'm just now feeling back to normal today.

I don't know what it was, but it tried to kill me, swear to bees balls.

I felt 'off' Friday and Saturday, then Saturday night/Sunday morning a little after midnight, I woke up and sprinted to the bathroom.

This started my 16 hours straight of vomiting and having vile things come out of pretty much every body orifice imaginable.  The vomiting got so bad that I couldn't even catch my breath in between.

Evidently, I was so incoherent and unresponsive that Mister Wonderful wanted to take me to the ER, but I told him I'd shoot him in the face if he did, because I didn't have the money for a hospital visit.  So instead, he force fed me G2 Gatorade and just kept checking that I was alive in between my bouts of getting sick.

Averaged about every 15-20 minutes for 16 hours straight.  Even after the vomiting stopped, there were other, equally disgusting things going on.  Even after that stopped, I was out of it and couldn't hold my own head up.  They continued to force feed me water and G2.

I don't remember much of anything from about 6am Sunday morning till some time Monday.

I was damn sick.

I finally ate some food last night.  It tasted pretty darn good.

Forced myself back to work Tuesday, both jobs.  I have been forcing myself through every step and breath of the day, just to get through.  Can't afford to miss the time I already missed, much less any more.

This morning when the alarm went off and I opened my eyes, I laid there and took inventory and was so freaking happy when I felt like I could actually step out of bed without calling upon every shred of will power I had.

Today is a good day.

P.S.  Mister Wonderful said "Dammit, you are the hardest damn woman to kill"  about my near death experience.  He followed that up with "I'll have to adjust the dosage next time"

He's a funny fucker.

Friday, November 4, 2011


Of all the weirdness about Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison, I think it's the bizarre way she is always holding her mouth that creeps me out the most.  And the uneven spray tan.  Ugh.

My bestie sent me the sweetest card.  She is so thoughtful about things like that.  I have much to learn from her on such things.

I wonder how many people will go out and buy Glade Relaxing Moments Water Blossoms after reading El Chupacabras blog.  Heehee.

My new medicine gives me hellacious headaches.  Also upsets my stomach.  Hoping those are some of the symptoms that will go away as my body adjusts to it.  Because man, these headaches are almost unbearable.

The 'Service Engine Soon' light came on in the jalopy on the way to work today.  I don't know what that means.  I just had the oil changed and all the fluid levels checked a couple of weeks ago, and they said everything looks great.  So what does that mean??  Anyone??

The Real Deal has almost every single bill he's ever had paid off now.  He is so good with his money.  I'm so proud of him.  Talk about working your way up from nothing.  And I mean NOTHING.  Nowhere to live, no car, no job.....he's had some rough times.

Papoose #1 is going to come home for a semester.  She has some classes that she needs to take online anyhow, so she is going to come home and move in with The Real Deal at his new place, go to school and work and save some money.  Then I believe she is transferring to A&M.  Since Tarleton is part of A&M, all of her scholarships and RL training and position will transfer with her.  I truly think this is the right decision for her right now, with all of the things going on.  She's worked so hard, and is so far ahead of the game.  Of course, as a momma, having her closer has NOTHING to do with that.  Haha.

Papoose #2 has cross country Regionals tomorrow.   She is nervous.  She qualified alone and with her team.  Fingers crossed!!!

Papoose #2 also made the coolest white pumpkin and floral centerpiece.  I didn't think to snap a pic of it this morning, but will do that tonight and post it.  Such a little creative thing, she is.  Both of my girls are SO creative.  They sure as shit didn't get that from me.  I'm horrible at that stuff.  I can barely dress myself.

Ok, work time.  Have a greet weekend, all.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011


How do you train them?????

Hahaha, kitties can't resist the laser dot!!!!

Medicated is Better for All Involved

Back on my happy meds.   Yes, stopped taking them.  The umm, errr, side affects were more than I was willing to deal with.  But, this is a necessary evil for now.  So I started them again yesterday after picking them up at lunch.  The world is a better place for it.

I waited in line at IGA for 15 minutes while the pharmacy tech repeatedly called the MediCaid (or whatever its called) office, trying to get a live person to ok one of the dozen prescriptions the lady ahead of me was picking up.  After the other people in the line started grumbling and getting incredibly restless, the customer ahead of me finally says "I'll come back for that one, they never want to pay for it!!  Why should I pay 10.00 when I should be getting it for free????"  Freaking really lady?? Seriously??  My tax dollars are paying for all the shit you have there on the counter, and you can't come up with $10.00 to cover one Rx??  Sell off some of the fifteen earrings you have going the entire length of your ear to make the ten bucks, seriously.  Or maybe one of the twenty rings you have on every finger.  Chick looked like a fucking gypsy, I swear.

Joe Cocker's voice makes me want to stab myself in the ears with ice picks.  Same thing with that black guy with the cocoa puffs on his face that sang that duet with Linda Ronstadt, Aaron Neville.  Good Lord.  Just heard those two back to back on Yahoo Music.  Shoot me.

Mariah Carey has great music, but I always turn it off when it gets to that squeaky squealing shit she always does in every song she's ever made.  Bleh.  Who actually likes that shit??????

I never proof read this thing anymore.  No telling what I throw out there.  Same thing with my text messages.  I just don't have the time or inclination to go back and change crap.

I used to have a friend that was absolutely MAD about that nasty sphincter muscle sandwich The McRib.  I mean crazy in love with those things.  Would be so upset every time they took them back off the menu.  It was interesting reading yesterday about what those are actually made out of, and what the real reason is, business wise, as to why they are on and off the menu.  I like learning new things, no matter how mundane or inconsequential.

I actually had an older female customer say "That's what she said" to me last night at Job #2.  I was not sure how to react to a fifty something year old woman saying something that even my youngest daughter has grown out of........

Man, 114 was glowing with red and blue lights this morning.   The dps guys had several haulers pulled over, doing inspections all over the place, right on the side of the road, and the Boyd officers had several people pulled over as well.  Nothing but lights all the way down my little section of 144 from the light to work.  Wild.  Glad it wasn't me!!  No extra dough for a ticket nowadays, for sure!!

My happy pills give me horrific dry mouth/throat/eyes.  This causes problems with my contacts.  The dry throat part of it also causes a problem with me even being able to swallow the pill itself.  They stick in my throat, no matter how much I drink to try to avoid it.

Shut up Jar.  Naughty thinker.

Yesterday was The Real Deals birthday.  Yep, he's still five years younger than me!  Heehee.

I'm a cougarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, RAWWWRRRRRR!!!

Starting Thanksgiving week, TRD and I will be permanently back at only the Euless location.  I'm not happy about that, because I love the other location so much more.  I love the store, the customers, just everything better.  But, it's time for us to start gearing up for the next location we will be opening, and we have to be at Euless to do that.  It is what it is.

I'm off from Job #2 tonight, so we will be going to the farm to work horses.  Yay!  My kinda therapy.

Have to work now.  Nasty habit.

Be nice to someone that doesn't deserve it today.  You never know who you can reach with that.