There Will Be No Fade-Out

Since The Day That I Was Born!!!

You All Are The Best Free Therapy There Is

First of all, thank you to all my friends who continue to reach out to me and support me and remind me that I do have good people in my life that care about me, and also that no matter how badly I am hurting it will get better in time.

Secondly, I think in my incoherent ramblings, I have let you all to believe that The Cunt is still here.  That is not true.  I sent her packing and she is supposedly gone, although she could be waiting around for things to settle so she can try to get back with Mister Wonderful and step back into my home and life.  I told her to get the fuck out of all of our lives and stay out, that she would get to keep him or my kid or my house over my dead body.  So no, she is NOT living in my home anymore.  She showed up there, broke in, packed all her shit and took off in the middle of the day a week or two ago, after I told her that since she wouldn't do the right thing on her own and get the fuck out and quit ruining my life and family, I would pitch a fit and MAKE her do the right thing.

Bitch BETTER not be anywhere near my family.

That is one fucking I refuse to take.  My best friend and my fucking husband doing that to me, and involving my daughter.  Lowest of all low scumbag shit people can do.  How the fuck can either of them be so fucking selfish and hurtful.  Evil.  I still can't believe Mister Wonderful would/could do that to me, after all the years we have been together.

Oh well.  Over and done now.

At least it BETTER be.

You hear that, EX BEST FRIEND CUNT FUCKING WHORE????????  Stay the fuck away from my family.

Yes, I know your worthless shit stirring life ruining lying cheating slut ass reads this blog still.  Rot in hell, you lying slut.

Just like I know Mister Wonderful reads it, thanks to my ex best friend who was doing and saying anything she could think of to turn my family against me.  Slut puppy.

Doesn't matter.  All of it is true, and then some.  You both know what you did and how wrong, hurtful and undeserved it was.  And if you don't, then you are more awful than can be believed.

On a happier note, I haven't cried even once today so far.

So there's that, I guess.

What The Fuck Is Wrong With ME??????????????????

I'm so angry at myself for not being able to turn a cold shoulder/heart to the mess that The Cunt created for my family and I.  No matter what we did or did not have going on before she came in and stirred the shit trying to take over my life, family and home, the shit storm she left behind has left everyone broken and battered.

I fucking hate that I don't get to live in my house anymore.  That breaks my heart and infuriates me all at once.  I worked my ASS off for that house.  Plus, I'm stuck paying that fucking money back to my boss for a fucking house I don't even get to live in anymore.  Makes me want to throw up, it's so upsetting.

If MW would have given me half the sweetness and consideration he gave The Cunt, we never would have ended up the fucked up way we did.  If he would have even attempted to build the life he started building with her, and with the house and all like he is doing now, we would have been in a totally different place in life together right now.  Makes me want to stand on the roof and scream till I run out of voice.

I want to live in my pretty little house on my pretty little acres, and be ten minutes away from the farm to practice with all my pretty little horses and just have my fucking life back.

Mister Wonderful treating me like I'm such an awful person and like I hurt him so badly makes me bawl. I've cried all day so far.  The man started putting his dick in unauthorized pussy YEARS ago, and yet I'm the one with no integrity?  He never wanted to give me romance or affection half the time even common courtesy, and yet that Cunt comes in and he's all Valentino for the fucking bitch?? She never did anything for him.  She didn't love him for 20 years and try her best to make him happy.  She didn't give him two beautiful daughters that anyone in their right mind would be out of this world proud of.  She didn't devote every waking breath to trying to be the best mother and wife she could possibly figure out how to be, trying to make them all happy.  But SHE gets the best of him??  Just like the women at his office get the best of him?  Like people that have never given a shit in the wind about him get from him???  Wtf is wrong with me, that I never deserved that kind of love and consideration and gentleness?????

And now I am the one with no house and no family and no insurance and no anything that I worked just as hard as he did for all of these years.  It's like my whole fucking life blew away in the wind, and I'm left with nothing but myself.

I miss the mother fucker.  I miss the friendship we had.  I miss my family being together.

Every day he acts differently.  Every time I think we are going to get through this as friends and stop letting anyone get any more hurt than they've already suffered through, something changes with him.

I mean come on, can't we just say we both fucked up our marriage and nobody is any more or less to blame for it, and go on with this next stage of our lives???  Can't we???

Why do I have to be turned into the horrible person?? I'm the one that lost my whole life over all this bullshit.  He still has the house and our daughter and all the comforts of the home we built together, and he doesn't seem to realize how lucky he is for that or how fucking HARD and heart breaking it is to be the one left out in the cold, with the best things in their life stolen away from them.

I wish I could make myself have a hateful and cold heart.  It must be SO much easier to be that way.

But I can't.

So I hurt.

Sleepovers And What Happens When Only One Ball Drops

Papoose #2 asked if we could hang out and have a sleep over at my place last night.  Made me very happy. We bummed around some stores and hit 1/2 price books and picked up a book each.  Love their clearance isles, one and two dollar books rock.

She likes my little place.  She was pleasantly surprised with what I've managed to do with used furniture from Craigslist and things from thrift stores.  It really is turning into a cozy little nest, if I do say so myself.  I really think she enjoyed us quietly sitting there, me reading, her doing a crossword.  It was a little slice of heaven for me.

I'm thinking, hopefully, that Mister Wonderful and I have finally come to a working agreement.  I have hopes that we can use what friendship we have to move forward and out of the muck of the past to work together to raise our daughter and see graduations, weddings and grandchildren without anymore resentment and hatred.  I'm hoping that our being separated will give us each the relief and space we need to be able to do that.

Anyone remember Bubbles, Micheal Jacksons pet chimp???

So looking forward to the horse show this weekend.  Wasn't able to take Friday off to help get set up and get horses ready like I had planned, but will still take off at noon to get down there and get the games started.  SO freaking excited.  Chip and I need to get some shows under our belts so we can settle in and get ready to rule the world, hehehehehehe.  The horse shows are also the absolute BEST for spending time with my Papooses.  It's like escaping real life and totally immersing yourself in what you love with all the people you love best.  Horses, good friends, my girls........

I have a hopeful heart these past couple of days.  I had forgotten what that felt like.

I need to save my pennies and find a little bed to put in my spare bedroom so my girls can come stay over more often.  I know they love sleeping in my big ol bed, but want them to have a place of their own in my home as well.  Anyone have a twin bed they don't need anymore on the cheap?

Gizmo is recovering from his harrowing veterinary experience on Tuesday.  Poor guy lost his balls, had his teeth deep cleaned, ears reamed out, nails cut, all shots plus kennel cough done, heart worm test (negative, thank God).  Then he was cryptorchid, so he ended up with major abdominal surgery to top it all off.  Poor lil fella.  He refused to look at me till last night.  He's feeling a tad better today though, and God knows his breath doesn't reek anymore.  He could kill a horse with that stuff before they fixed his teeth up.

I really don't have much today, my brain is still on the mend from all of the chaos that has been my life of late.  Just trying to heal and keep positive thoughts and figure out how to get back into a productive life.

Don't worry, I'll be back to my bitchy, cussing, raving lunatic self soon.

Swimming Towards The Light

Some of you people out there need to know that your concern about me, a virtual stranger, is the biggest part of what got me through the dark days where I lost my voice, nay, my mind.  I scared myself, that I was capable of such deep emotion and pain.  I've never thought I was capable of that kind of feeling.

Some of  you people out there forced me to communicate, forced me to cut up, forced me to keep the last thread of a tenuous hold on a life I wasn't sure I could do battle with anymore.  I don't even remember answering some of the emails or texts, but answer I did.  So by forcing me to be polite, to do the right thing, to just SAY something, some of you people saved me.

Papoose #1 came to my little house and stood over me crying.  Inside I knew I needed to say something, to make her feel better, but I literally could not make anything come out.  I was trapped inside a body that was beat down and used up, trapped behind all of the hurt and pain that my tongue could not navigate around.  She stood there over me crying and telling me it would get better and she was so sorry I was hurting so badly.  But I was numb and terrified at the same time, and I could not reassure her.  It was my darkest time.

The Real Deal came to sit by my chair, his arms reaching out across the void I held strong to.  The wall that the hurt and betrayal was quick mason to, keeping his words from reaching my ears.  I was blind.  I was deaf.  I was utterly alone in my great shock and depression, paralyzed by it.  It was the most frightening thing I've ever felt.

But then, instead of being still and waiting for some kind of end to come, I started to feel something flutter and move.  I was starting to tread water again.  That was when I knew everything was going to be ok.  That one way or another, I was going to be ok.

That was when my brain reengaged and I was able to function again.

Some of you people out there really rock.

Some of you people suck and I hate you, but man, some of you people are good eggs.

Thank you.

Fuckin Perfect, Hell Yeah!!!!! My Girl Says It For Me Again!!!!

My Kingdom For A BBQ

I really need to find me an inexpensive little bbq for my new little backyard.  Mister Wonderful has our limousine bbq/smoker at the house.  I bbq almost all of my food.  Its my fave way to cook/eat. I use gas, simply because I have zero interest in spending the time to fuck around with charcoal.  I like to walk out there, fire it up, let it warm, then get to cooking.  That's how I roll.  I really miss that in a bad way.  Ugh, it's not a NEED, it's a WANT.  So have to wait.  *pouty face*

Superbowl and The Cunt Among Us

I've already put in my request for super bowl Sunday off.  Sooooo excited!!!!

Haters gonna hate.

As far as the whole "caught cheating thing" ummm, hello you bunch of sheep, they ALL do it.  For the love of God, how naive can people be.

So, slowly but surely, my family is figuring out on their own just what a conniving lying shit stirring whore The Cunt is.  I'm just letting them figure it all out on their own.

How a human being can do that to an entire family, her BEST FRIENDS family, is beyond me.  She will get her reckoning when she stands before God.  I know this for a fact because, she is so delusional and used to playing the victim that I know she will never ask for forgiveness for what she did to me and my family, because she will never admit to the fact of what a worthless selfish douchebag she really is.

Good.  Burn in hell you filthy slut.

I hate that my family had to go through this, and I pray that we can find a way to somehow heal at least some of the damage she has done so we can be a family again.  Mister Wonderful has the house, Papoose #2 has decided to stay there with him, I have my place.  I still work in the same town as my old home, so I can still go by and see Pap #2 and we go to the farm and do horse stuff together, so we still have that.

We can still be a family, in our own way.  The lies and things that she stirred up between my daughter and my husband and I can never be repaired.  Makes me hate her so much.

Yes, MW and I both had discussed and agreed that we would stay in the house as friends/roommates until we got Papoose #2 graduated and off on her own journey.  Yes, we knew we were not going to stay together.  But you know what???  That was OUR journey to take together.  For her to come in and do everything in her power to get my husband, house, daughter, and dog all for herself was unforgivable.  The unnecessary pain and hurt and distrust she caused between my family and I, well, we will be scarred as a family by that till the end of time.  I've never in my life felt hatred for someone the way I do for her.  Thats another thing that will never be repaired, the damage to my nature, my very personality.  I'll never be the helpful trusting unconditionally loving person I was before she did this to us.  Never.

Oh well, she has moved on to some other dumbass that is stupid enough to trust her and believe her poor me story.  Good riddance to bad rubbish.

May I remind you, we have been friends since grade school.

Yeah, she's just that kinda awesome.

Thats all I can stand to talk about for now.

Have a good day, all.

I've been advised not to be naughty and blow all this shit out of the water in the internets.

Yet, anyway.

Gotta put the old thinking cap on.

FUCK YEAH

All is right in the world, baby.

I'm Still Alive, And Not In Jail

Let it be known that from here forth, Bestie will now be referred to as The Cunt.

Oh yeah, there's a story there.

I would also like to welcome a new reader.  Welcome, Mister Wonderful.  So glad The Cunt invited you over.  Enjoy reading.

Yep.  There's a story there.

To be continued.

I'm Still Here

I'll try to get my head right to post something later.  But I'm still here.

I'm Still Here

I'll try to get my head right to post something later.  But I'm still here.

i actually wanted to run my car into the bridge on the way home.

Hehehehe

Good One

Absolutely Stunning, Someone Buy This For Me For My Housewarming???? PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Moonrise Through The Mountains

THERE DAMMIT, BASTARD COMPUTER

Always liked this one.



EDIT TO READ WELL FUCK DAMMIT POS CRAP SHIT GARBAGE.


dammit

People Suck

Nobody at my old house even notices I'm gone.

I haven't heard a word from Papoose #2, except for a text on Saturday asking if she was scheduled to work Sunday, because she and some friends wanted to hang out.

It is a strange feeling, knowing you aren't even a blip on your own kids radar.

I haven't heard much from Bestie at all really, since she's moved here.  We talked way more when she was still in California.  Not at all how I thought it would be.

Oh well, I'm super happy that everyone is comfortable and happy in the home I gave them.  They are a happy little family up there I guess.

I wouldn't know, since none of them notice I'm gone or even give a flying fuck to talk to me at all.

Funny thing is, I was being treated like I didn't belong there before I ever moved out.

That treatment, plus everyone bailing on bothering to pony up their share of the rent, was the catalyst for my moving out "all of a sudden out of the blue".

Hey guys, IT WASN'T OUT OF THE BLUE.

I was working my ass off a hundred hours a fucking week, while everyone else sat on their asses in the home I was busting my ass to pay for, and when I was at home, more than once, I was treated less than friendly.  I don't know why.  But between  that, and listening to Mister Wonderful spout off about how perfect Bestie is and why couldn't I be more like her, then everyone bailing on me about the rent, uh yeah, my moving out was anything but out of the blue.

Nobody should be treated like they are the enemy, or unwelcome in their own home.  Nobody should have to be everyones nemesis simply because those people need to have a nemesis in their lives.

I was not willing to be that for anyone anymore.

Really bothers me that it seems like now that I don't have anything to offer any of those people, by money or moving them or anything like that, it is as if I don't even exist.  It hurts my feelings and pisses me off all at the same time.

Bestie is just sort of living the life I built, I never hear from her.  She has my house, my dog, my kid, my parking spot, my husband and my life.  But for some reason it is like she has no interest in our friendship anymore.   She mentioned something last week about how she didn't sign up for this when she moved out here.  But you know what?  She needed to get away from her mother, from that cancerous life, and I sure as fuck didn't see anyone else making an effort to help her.  One way or another, she needed to get out and start living her own life, like a grown up.  I know she appreciates me moving her out here, but I also know she's peeved at me for changing up the plan and moving out of the house.  But really, it's not like it should matter if I moved out or not, she hasn't really been all that into spending time with me since she's been here anyway.  Idk, it's like on the one hand I feel like I should feel bad, but on the other hand, she got a pretty good deal out of the whole thing, and doesn't really seem to give a shit if I'm around or not.  Besides, she wasn't going to be here long anyway.  She was already wanting to move and be with her boyfriend that just moved to Oregon, but he told her he wasn't ready for her to be up there yet.  Something about needing to get settled in first or something.  Then her brother and dad want her to move to Arizona too.  So it's not like I destroyed her life by ending my marriage and moving out, so idk.  I sure do miss the friendship we used to have though.  But I'll be damned if I'll be treated like I've done something wrong by anyone.  The way I was made to feel uncomfortable in my own home was one of the reasons I bailed, after all.  Yeez.

Papoose #2 not giving a fuck to even call or text or TRY to come see my new place really bothers me.  Again, she is perfectly happy.  She has Bestie to be her mommy and everyone is all happy fucking skippy together up there in my old house.  How the fuck can people be like that??  I could never just cut someone out of my life and not spare a thought towards them.

What is wrong with me that these people could care less if I am around or not?

Then when I say something about it, because it hurts me, then I'M the bitch and everyone gets mad at me.

Funny thing is, I talk to and hear from Mister Wonderful more than I do my supposed best friend or daughter.  Thats pretty fucked up.

Oh well.  Whatever.

Laughing My Fucking Ass Off

I know you aren't supposed to give pets as gifts, but Jar, this is what I'm picking up for you after work today!!!!

It Is An Absolutely Fanfreakingtastic Day, Isn't It?????

Slept like the dead last night.  Actually rolled out on time this morning and made it to work on time though, haha.

I get to actually sleep in my own place tonight finally, yay!!  Some friends are meeting me at the Boyd house after work today to load up my mattress, dresser and desk.  Finally, I can sleep at my place!!  This old body is too broke in to sleep in the floor like I would have years ago, so I've been crashing at TRD's place till my bed arrives.

I am going to have one chair in the living room.  That is all I need :)  I have a lady who wants to sell me her gorgeous sofa/loveseat set for only $50.00, more than a fabulous deal, but I'm terrified to spend the money on it......

The little long haired chihuahua I've been pupsitting for the past month or more may get to stay with me permanently.....his momma may be moving back home.......I would totally be ok with that.  He is good company!!

Labpup Milo has gone to live with my dear friends.  The same peeps who are helping me move my bed tonight.  That dog scored big time, to get to live there.  I sure miss him though.

I really really want plants to put all over my place.  I used to always have house plants but over the past years that I'm never home, they all were put outside and froze or roasted or got knocked over or good Lord knows what else.  I really need to get some collected again.  I miss that!

All of this stress and change has me so exhausted. I can't wait to just rest tomorrow morning.  Not have to jump out of bed asap if I don't want to.  I'm really needing that.  Nothing but me, my bed, a book and a coffee cup!!

Have to get to work now.

Have a FABULOUS weekend, all!!!!!

Shadows of Me

I woke up this morning to The Real Deal touching my hair and telling me how beautiful I am and how much he loves me, and that he is going to make sure that I am safe and happy and ok for the rest of my life.  Then he went and made me coffee.

I also woke up to sunlight.  This is not a good thing.  Yes, I was late to work.  Only 30 minutes though, and it was SO WORTH IT.

I have forgotten to turn my alarm on three times in the last few months.  Before this, I had only ever overslept like twice in my entire life.  Gotta get my A game back.

Man, it felt so good under those covers this morning.

I have never felt this light in my chest, never in my whole entire life.  It's like there is sunshine inside of me trying to pour out.  Fucking awesome!

Jar, your comment made me choke on my coffee this morning.  You are one funny fucker.

TRD, Bestie and I moved a bunch of my stuff to my new place last night.  Once we got past the initial walking around the house with our hands on our hips wondering where to start, we were an awesome moving team.

I had already decided that I was going to take as little from the house as possible.  I didn't want to disrupt Mister Wonderfuls world or life any more than I already had.  I wanted my cooking stuff, my keepsakes, the decorations that I've bought here and there over the years.  Well, even though I didn't touch anything that belonged to MW, or anything that he holds dear, and even though I left the things that I know he uses or needs, like the pizza pans and coffee maker etc, the house still looked like it had been raped.  It was incredibly sad, that I could make that place look so pillaged, even though I was trying so fucking hard to be fair and kind and good and leave everything I could there for him, taking only the most bare essentials with me.

I was in tears all night, feeling guilty and wretched over how it would make MW feel to walk in and see the empty spots my leaving had caused in our home.  There was a lot more of me in that house than any of us realized, I suppose.  It was a sobering and, I must admit, reaffirming feeling all at once.

I knew the moment MW got home, because I got three text messages in a row.  They read:

1.   You forgot the coffee maker
2.   And two spoons in Papoose #2's room
3.   And your pocket rocket

Yeah, he was livid with me.  He acted like I took everything when, in reality, I didn't touch any of the things that he has shown to be important to him all these years.

I guess I contributed more to his life than he realized all this time.  I guess that is becoming clear.  I guess he should have thought of that and behaved accordingly a long time ago.

I know he will vilify me, no matter how hard I try to be good and fair.  I know he will need to.  Because I think he will really be angry at himself, now that he is beginning to realize that maybe he really had something good.  Something worth holding on to.

But the time for that has passed.

I'm letting the sunshine in.

It's All Coming Together

That's my new front door.  I picked that wreath up on the dollar clearance table at the feed store. It makes me smile.  I grabbed one of the few actual wire hangers I have and made an impromptu wreath hanger.

It only cost me $41.00 to have the water turned on yesterday, so since I had $62.00 in my bank account, I actually had enough to get it rolling.  That includes my trash service, recycling, sewer, all the regular city services.  Trash is collected twice a week, and they will pick up any amount of anything you could possibly want to put out there.  No restrictions.  Where was that service when I was raising little kids and we seemed to be making loads of trash etc??  Ah well, surely will be nice.

The Real Deal made some phone calls and got my electricity turned on for me without a deposit.  That was quite a treat, considering my credit.  It's been years since I've been able to have services turned on without hundreds of dollars in deposits first.  TRD kinda rocks.

Both my water and electricity will be on by the time I get out of Job #1 and go home.

Happy happy Squaw.

I stayed at TRD's house last night after we got out of Job #2.  I was a nervous wreck that my phone wouldn't wake me up on time, or that I would hit so much traffic I would be late to Job #1 this morning.  I have never made that commute in the morning, so I had myself all worked up about being late.  I got up at 6, left the house at 655, and arrived at work by 730, a half hour early.

Booyahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

TRD also got on the traffic thingie and checked how traffic was looking for my commute while I was getting ready for work.  Yeah, you know he rocks  :-)  The most thoughtful man.  I'm so lucky to have him in my life, showing me how things CAN be.

Someone keeps getting in my desk and on my computer when I'm not here.  I know it's not "my" office, per se, but it still chaps my ass that they get in here and go through my things.  This morning there was an "L" written on my timecard for this week on Monday, because I had forgotten to put my lunch break on there. So I made out a new timecard and put a post it on there that reads "Thank you so much to whoever keeps getting in my desk and checking the accuracy of my time card!!!  You Rock!!!!  Without you, it may have been a day or two before I realized I needed to add that lunch in there!!!!  Because I'm all about stealing time from the company and all that.  Whatever!!  Fucking fucktards.

This whole skeezy sneak around and try to catch the employees fucking the company thing is getting really old, really fast though.  I mean really.  If you don't trust me anymore than to feel the need to go through my desk drawers and get all up in my computer, then fucking fire me assholes.  Don't skulk around like that.  It's fucking creepy.

Well, Mister Wonderful, Bestie and even Papoose #2 must be perfectly happy in the house I bought for them.  I never hear a single peep from anyone anymore unless I initiate contact.  It's like they don't notice or care that I'm gone.  Happy little world there.  I'm glad for them all.  :-)

Makes me wonder why the hell I suffered and tried so hard for so long, if nobody gives a flying fuck if I'm around or not anyway though.

*Back of hand against forehead in mock distress*  The realization of just how unimportant I am when everyone still has all the comforts I've provided for them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I do believe that, given the opportunity, I will end up being quite the minimalist in my new home.  It's looking that way anyhow.  I want clean.  I want open. I want no clutter.  Ahhhhhhh.......

I have been dog sitting a long hair chihuahua for several weeks now.  He was supposed to go home the 6th. It is looking like I may have the opportunity to keep him though, as the person I've been watching him for is most likely moving back east and back in with family.

This is a good thing.  He is great company, and no trouble at all.

Furface therapy.

Heehee.

Using The Cell Phone Flashlight To Dress By Kinda Rocks

Well, here it is, a new year and a new start.

I already don't have the money to have my electricity turned on.  Hahahaha.

It will be fine though, I know this.  I have to leave early today from Job #1 to meet the landlord at my new place to sign the actual lease.  Considering the other office chick is out today, that should really piss off the Bossman.  Oh well, can't be helped.

While I'm down there, the landlord says, I should jump over to the next block to City Hall and get my water all turned on etc.  That would really be a ducky idea, if I had the money today.  Heehee.  I think my paycheck will be in my bank account tonight at midnight, so my timing is just off a bit.  No biggie.  It'll all come together.  I'm not worried about it at all.

Does kinda go up my ass sideways that I have $100.00 a week coming out of my paycheck to pay back the Bossman for the loan he gave me to get the repayment thing going on the house I no longer live in.  That sucks major balls.  Four hundred bucks a month that could go to groceries and gas and electric.  Gone, poof. I'm a dumbass for trying so hard to keep that house for people that never appreciated the effort.  Serves me right to pay that loan back for the next year I guess.  Punishment for being such a dumbass doormat.

On a positive note though..........................I no longer feel like I need therapy  :-)

I'm a happy camper.  Happy Squaw  :-)

The insurance on the jalopy will go up $20.00 a month being on my own and losing the multi car discount. Anyone want to guess if I give a shit??????????  Anyone?????  Haha.

I can't tell you what it means to me, and how deeply it touches me, to know that there are people out there who read this blog and care about what is going on in my crazy mixed up life.  Every time someone takes time out of their life to send me an email or comment, it makes me feel that much stronger about moving on and moving forward.

Thank you, all of you.

I Just Let Go

The above image was totally and unashamedly stolen from Kathleen.  But it is SO perfect for me right now, I could not resist.

I've done it.

I told Mister Wonderful I cannot do this anymore, that I want a divorce, and I'm moving out and getting my own place.

I already rented a place.

It's adorable.

It is the very first place I have ever had in my entire life that is all mine.  I went from taking care of my mother and paying for her place while living there straight to living with Mister Wonderful and raising kids.

He called me Thursday last week and started screaming and cussing at me, calling me names, in other words, the same exact thing that happens every single month when I have to ASK him for his whopping $600.00 towards the $2505.00 a month mortgage I'm paying on the house, and right in the middle of his tirade, everything just went still inside of me.

And I.Was.Done.

Not staying for another two years to get Papoose #2 graduated.

Not taking horrific treatment just to keep my home.

No more.

I'm out.


***Edit:  The Papooses are totally on board and supportive of this change.  Papoose #2 will still be able to finish out the year here in Boyd, because I still work up here five days a week.  She is excited to change schools next year, she has been begging me to be able to attend a school that offers a little more than the small ones here.

Didn't want anyone to think I was abandoning my Papooses!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, and the little place I rented is right across the street from Papoose #1's digs.  How awesome is that?????