Some of you people out there need to know that your concern about me, a virtual stranger, is the biggest part of what got me through the dark days where I lost my voice, nay, my mind. I scared myself, that I was capable of such deep emotion and pain. I've never thought I was capable of that kind of feeling.
Some of you people out there forced me to communicate, forced me to cut up, forced me to keep the last thread of a tenuous hold on a life I wasn't sure I could do battle with anymore. I don't even remember answering some of the emails or texts, but answer I did. So by forcing me to be polite, to do the right thing, to just SAY something, some of you people saved me.
Papoose #1 came to my little house and stood over me crying. Inside I knew I needed to say something, to make her feel better, but I literally could not make anything come out. I was trapped inside a body that was beat down and used up, trapped behind all of the hurt and pain that my tongue could not navigate around. She stood there over me crying and telling me it would get better and she was so sorry I was hurting so badly. But I was numb and terrified at the same time, and I could not reassure her. It was my darkest time.
The Real Deal came to sit by my chair, his arms reaching out across the void I held strong to. The wall that the hurt and betrayal was quick mason to, keeping his words from reaching my ears. I was blind. I was deaf. I was utterly alone in my great shock and depression, paralyzed by it. It was the most frightening thing I've ever felt.
But then, instead of being still and waiting for some kind of end to come, I started to feel something flutter and move. I was starting to tread water again. That was when I knew everything was going to be ok. That one way or another, I was going to be ok.
That was when my brain reengaged and I was able to function again.
Some of you people out there really rock.
Some of you people suck and I hate you, but man, some of you people are good eggs.