Monday, January 9, 2012

People Suck

Nobody at my old house even notices I'm gone.

I haven't heard a word from Papoose #2, except for a text on Saturday asking if she was scheduled to work Sunday, because she and some friends wanted to hang out.

It is a strange feeling, knowing you aren't even a blip on your own kids radar.

I haven't heard much from Bestie at all really, since she's moved here.  We talked way more when she was still in California.  Not at all how I thought it would be.

Oh well, I'm super happy that everyone is comfortable and happy in the home I gave them.  They are a happy little family up there I guess.

I wouldn't know, since none of them notice I'm gone or even give a flying fuck to talk to me at all.

Funny thing is, I was being treated like I didn't belong there before I ever moved out.

That treatment, plus everyone bailing on bothering to pony up their share of the rent, was the catalyst for my moving out "all of a sudden out of the blue".


I was working my ass off a hundred hours a fucking week, while everyone else sat on their asses in the home I was busting my ass to pay for, and when I was at home, more than once, I was treated less than friendly.  I don't know why.  But between  that, and listening to Mister Wonderful spout off about how perfect Bestie is and why couldn't I be more like her, then everyone bailing on me about the rent, uh yeah, my moving out was anything but out of the blue.

Nobody should be treated like they are the enemy, or unwelcome in their own home.  Nobody should have to be everyones nemesis simply because those people need to have a nemesis in their lives.

I was not willing to be that for anyone anymore.

Really bothers me that it seems like now that I don't have anything to offer any of those people, by money or moving them or anything like that, it is as if I don't even exist.  It hurts my feelings and pisses me off all at the same time.

Bestie is just sort of living the life I built, I never hear from her.  She has my house, my dog, my kid, my parking spot, my husband and my life.  But for some reason it is like she has no interest in our friendship anymore.   She mentioned something last week about how she didn't sign up for this when she moved out here.  But you know what?  She needed to get away from her mother, from that cancerous life, and I sure as fuck didn't see anyone else making an effort to help her.  One way or another, she needed to get out and start living her own life, like a grown up.  I know she appreciates me moving her out here, but I also know she's peeved at me for changing up the plan and moving out of the house.  But really, it's not like it should matter if I moved out or not, she hasn't really been all that into spending time with me since she's been here anyway.  Idk, it's like on the one hand I feel like I should feel bad, but on the other hand, she got a pretty good deal out of the whole thing, and doesn't really seem to give a shit if I'm around or not.  Besides, she wasn't going to be here long anyway.  She was already wanting to move and be with her boyfriend that just moved to Oregon, but he told her he wasn't ready for her to be up there yet.  Something about needing to get settled in first or something.  Then her brother and dad want her to move to Arizona too.  So it's not like I destroyed her life by ending my marriage and moving out, so idk.  I sure do miss the friendship we used to have though.  But I'll be damned if I'll be treated like I've done something wrong by anyone.  The way I was made to feel uncomfortable in my own home was one of the reasons I bailed, after all.  Yeez.

Papoose #2 not giving a fuck to even call or text or TRY to come see my new place really bothers me.  Again, she is perfectly happy.  She has Bestie to be her mommy and everyone is all happy fucking skippy together up there in my old house.  How the fuck can people be like that??  I could never just cut someone out of my life and not spare a thought towards them.

What is wrong with me that these people could care less if I am around or not?

Then when I say something about it, because it hurts me, then I'M the bitch and everyone gets mad at me.

Funny thing is, I talk to and hear from Mister Wonderful more than I do my supposed best friend or daughter.  Thats pretty fucked up.

Oh well.  Whatever.


  1. poose #2 will come around... this is a big change for her as well... i wonder if she feels bad for MW so is staying in his "corner"? no telling what he's been telling her and the bestie...

    you are loved, you are needed, and you are wonderful!

  2. F*CK! I posted a WIFI blinked....shite.

    I agree with Mrs. Abendroth [happy wink]. 'Poose will come around...she's a kid...the inner conflicts kids experience in a broken marriage can't be predicted or solved by the parents. Just the way it is.... she'll see things for what they are, always have been, and always will be on her own. Give her time.

    I don't know what to say about Bestie. I can't even be within waving distance of MW without getting a snarl on my face...I can't relate...

  3. Also agree with Ms. Abendroth and not sure about Jar - but probably agree with him since I do most of the time. It isn't like when we grew up, people today only care about themselves and you know what, it's fine to have the screw them attitude. Think about you - I mean, really, who else will or has?? And the peeps will either come around or they won't. And if they don't, I know it still hurts but you know now what they truly feel.

  4. Use the pocket rocket, it will make you feel all better.

  5. hahaha ATC!! that is always my best medicine

  6. Oh my, ATC, that WAS what you meant!! (((blushing here))) Didn't see that coming from you!! ;)

  7. Yeah, I found when I went through my divorce my tribe changed in a huge way. None, I mean none of my friends called any more. It took time but I rebuilt a support system. And I know it sounds trite, but you will look back at this time and be glad for the transition. The good stuff will stay, the shit will fall away. It takes a while so hang in there.

  8. I have started reading and read back to August of last year..if i start wearing a bathrobe, smoking and hanging onto my keyboard wating to see what happens next Kathleen save me..Always remember this to shall pass..hang in there..