Wednesday?? Really????

Not that I'm cocky enough to think anyone noticed my absence, but I am alive and kicking, haha.

Just been exhausted and not feeling well, so Monday I played hookie and stayed home.  Took a day where I didn't have to interact with anyone.  Phone was even off.  It was great.  I accomplished absolutely nothing, and didn't even talk to the dog.  I needed that.

This office is in a constant state of chaos now.  The shit stays continuously stirred, and it is an incredibly stressful place to be every day.  It used to be pretty mellow most of the time, quiet.  The only wildness we had was whenever my type A boss would get the bit between his teeth on some subject or project and everyone would have to LIVE that subject with him till he worked through it.  Now, constant, continuous, unavoidable conflict and chaos.  It wears thin.

Papoose #2 finally called yesterday.  She's having a rough time of it.  She is ready for summer and a lighter course load and a little rest.   She is also frustrated that the car I got for her is having one issue after another.  Now she needs new tires desperately.  The guy I got the car from had put some fancy rims and low pro tires on it, so the tires cost an arm and a leg.  She is considering selling the after market headlights, tail lights, and rims that are on it to a kid and taking his stock stuff in trade towards them.  Then she will probably give the car to Mister Wonderful, who has shown constant interest in taking it from her.  She wants to go buy herself another car.  I have fought her about getting into a car payment and the insurance that will go along with that.  She doesn't understand, at her tender age, that if having to spend money here and there fixing a car that she has NO payment on and her mother is paying the insurance on pisses her off, having a monthly payment and full coverage that her mother WILL NOT pay for her is really going to rock her world.  Add to that all of the things that can still go wrong with said car so you have the repair bills on top of the payment and insurance, and you've got yourself some shit soup.  But I'm just the mom, and she knows better, right??  *Sigh*

Mister Wonderful has approached me about selling the tepee and moving closer to town and renting something for less money.  At this point in time I am losing interest and energy in fighting with the mortgage company about incorrect late fees and some made up inspection fees that they will not remove no matter how many hours I spend arguing with them.  I jumped through hoops and worked for months and years to get a modification on my home, but none of the things that were supposed to be adjusted after the modification was granted were ever honored by the mortgage company.  So I've basically been paying a double mortgage for over a year now, trying to get all of the bogus fees paid off as well as stay current on my account.  I'm tired.  I don't even have any money left over to fix anything that goes wrong with the house, because every penny I've got goes into keeping it.  I'm tired.  Now that I know I won't be staying there for good, once I get my money coming in from the stores, I'm sorta losing steam over fighting the good fight for that house.

I think I'm going to call the mortgage company, the insurance company (about the recent hail damage to the roof) and see if I'm even legally in a position to put it up for sale.  If it doesn't sell, and I'm still not all caught up, then screw it, I'm out.  If we are in a situation legally with the mortgage company where we can't feasibly put it on the market, then I do believe I will stop throwing good money after bad, and just start looking for a cheaper place to rent.  Way I see it, if I can find a decent cheap place somewhere halfway between here and the stores, I'll be doing ok.  At least then the commute time to each job would be split in half, until such time as I can afford to work only one job again.

Plus, I think it might be good to get MW set up down there closer to where he works and his friends so that when the time comes to pull the trigger and split the sheets, he will be at least somewhat set up and I won't worry about him quite so much.  I think about that, too.


Hopefully I'm thinking through this clearly.  All I know is, that old definition of insanity.....I don't want to keep doing the same thing over and over expecting a different outcome.  My forehead is bloodied from beating my head against the wall.

It's not the end of the world.  It's just bricks and sticks.  Life goes on.