Awhile back, I thought that the right thing to do was to shut this blog down. After all, in trying to make Mister Wonderful fully and completely hate my guts so she could have him, my home and family all to herself, Molly, my most trusted, best and dearest friend since grade school, told him all about my blog and where to find it, so that he could read it and follow it at will. In my attempt to keep from hurting him, and because of the lack of privacy and openness I felt I could find here anymore, after her betrayal of this place of mine, I had decided that I had no choice but to stop blogging. Several people commented and sent private messages to me about it, all in support of my NOT letting Molly take this thing, this very important tool and part of me, away. So I decided to keep at it, work thru it, and to hell with both of them. Although every comment and email I received during this time touched my heart and really got to me, there was one in particular that really rammed home how fucking stupid I was being in heaping all of the responsibility for doing "the right thing" on my own shoulders. Since it was sent in as a comment, I don't know if all of my readers had a chance to see it or not. I've been mulling this over and over since I received the comment, and read it till I have it memorized. Hell, I even copied it and sent it directly to Mister Wonderful, to make damn sure he didn't miss it. I've decided that it really does need a post of its own, so here goes:
I guess this blog hit me because this happened to me. My BF and MW stabbed me in the back over twenty years ago. I got the same abuse MW is handing you now. He blamed me for the affair and BF enjoyed the abuse he heaped on me. I just wanted to tell you this is not your fault. You could have been the biggest nag, the most stubborn, and the most argumentative wife ever and still this is not your fault. He made the decision to make the ultimate betrayal, to pick the most hurtful person he could find with which to have a fling. That he thinks he has the right to destroy your children's family unit based on your behavior is a character flaw on his part not your. I felt embarrassed, hurt, betrayed, and played nice thinking that somehow it would change things back to the way they were. I assure you he's not playing nice back. He has allowed this woman to play the "cool" adult with your children knowing how it must hurt you, he has allowed and encouraged this woman to bag on you in his presence. He is not playing nice; he wants to hurt you. Do not feel embarrassed, this is his shame not yours. Do not feel guilty, there is no wrong you have done to make MW sleep with your BF, he choose to do this rather than work things out like a responsible adult. Do not make the mistake that your ex-BF should be the focus of your anger, she's nothing in the scheme of things really. She will be his next huckleberry when he is done hurting you; she's not gonna be Ms. Romance forever I promise. The real betrayer; the real fault; the real low down dog in all of this is MW and no matter how much he tries to make you think you are the problem. I promise the rest of the world knows who looks bad here and it's not the one justifying the destruction of a family, and an affair with someone's BF. God bless you and keep blogging. I think you are handling this wonderfully!
Thank you, commenter. Every single time I begin to doubt myself and start loading that blame back up on my shoulders, every single time I read his ugly words he still sends me in texts or other messages and I start to believe him, I go back and read this again, and again, and again, along with the other comments you good people have taken the time out of your busy lives to send.
Thank you, all of you. Thank you.