Thursday, February 2, 2012

Damaged, But Limping Forward Nonetheless

I have friends that constantly amaze me, confuse me and make me smile.  You all are a bunch of nuts!!!

This weather is gorgeous.  I would surely love a good thunder and lightening storm that I can actually be home and enjoy.  Want to sit on my porch and watch it roar.

Boys, you're gonna have to amp up the fun and frolic if you realllllly want me to make a decision  ;-)


The automatic air freshener squirty thing still scares the shit out of me every time it goes off and I'm anywhere in my little cottage.  I don't have tv or a radio or anything, so when I'm home it is incredibly quiet.  Well, until I start talking to myself anyway.......

Had to go with Papoose #1 to get her car out of impound last night after work.  Had to be either one of the legal owners, or someone that's on the insurance account.  She is neither.  That was an interesting experience. Then the gps took us the lonnnnnnnnnnng way, as in, cave dark roads that rolled and cracked under huge tree roots, hairpin turns and traffic that didn't think they had their own side.  About 40 minutes later we arrived at the impound yard.  After I took care of business, I drove out and turned the opposite direction of the way we came in, and I was home in 7 minutes flat.  Yeah, my internal compass was correct all along.  Stupid gps wench.

I need a haircut in the worst possible way.  Ugh.  Homeless woman bad.

Mister Wonderful texted me last night asking if Papoose #2 was with me.  I said no she is not.  Some time later he figured out that it was church night and she had gone to church with a friend.  I am hoping that she will communicate more affectively with him in the future and ASK before taking off somewhere.  But that is their thing to figure out.  That did NOT happen with me.  Every morning the Pooses and I would have a pow wow about who had to be where and who needed rides and what the game plan for the day was.  Worked for us.

MW also texted me this morning that there was some steak and bread in the fridge at the house if I wanted to take it for lunch.  I thought that was really sweet.

If nobody hears from me after say one o'clock today, call the authorities.


MW is really fixing the house up cute since I've been kicked off the island.  I wish we would have done more of that while I was still there.

Had a fantastic talk with Papoose #1 about all of the things that have gone down over the past few months. She owned her part in it and apologized.  I was touched by how she really listened to me, and by how she responded.  I just wish that Papoose #1 and Mister Wonderful could truly see how unfair and undeserved all of it was.  Oh well.  It is what it is.

I am still not a trusting person anymore.  It is what it is. I am damaged.  The people I trusted the most are the ones that turned on me and damaged me.  It will take forever to heal that.

But I understand that, and have stopped beating myself up for feeling that way.

I am so blessed to have people that care about me.  Their prayers and support are the only thing bringing the peace I am finding, I'm convinced of it.

Thank you.


  1. I do care about you. You are a strong woman and you will wade through all this shit and come out the other side. And you will be even stronger.

    I hate things that go off without notice. I have to go to the other side of the house when I make toast because my heart stops working for a beat or two when it goes off.

  2. i get startled all the time... of course the beast living in my head doesn't help that... it seems that one of the lovely things is that loud or unexpected sounds/movements are enhanced.... fun shit

    glad you are finding your way out of that abyss you were in... thought we were going to have to send out the ASR (abyss search & rescue)

    wonder if ATC would've let us use his jeep? i'm sure he would've :)