Friday, August 12, 2011

Some Days It's Chicken, Some Days It's Feathers

Back at work today.  Took yesterday off.  Had so much going on that I just finally hit a wall late Tuesday night and knew I needed to stop and regroup.

Talked things through with TRD for hours yesterday, then we went by and he and I took some time to be together and talk through all that has been going on.  It was good.  It was a good thing.

PM means private message.  Google is your friend, Anony   ;-)

Looking at the week of the 22nd for the opening of the second store now.  Waiting on the city to get their shit together, of course.  COME ON, COME ON.

So, TRD talked to me about everything thats been going on with us and listened as I told him my side/thoughts/feelings too.  It was very good for both of us.  Pretty much what it comes down to is, things have been so rough that we've both been so stressed and worn thin that the way that each of us handled the stress/exhaustion was offputting and upsetting to the other one.  I had gotten to where I was angry and moody and drinking beer and just not my normal sweet self, and he kept pulling into himself and away from me more and more both to keep from having to deal with my moods and to keep from upsetting me as well as just busting his ass trying to get us to where we don't have the financial stresses on us, for one thing.  All of this happened a little here and a little there and we both got resentful to how the other one was being, until it just got so out of control we could barely be civil and we were NOT being the loving couple we've always been.  I think we've got this thing worked out now.

I have to admit, pretty much the whole thing was my fault.  I can't behave the same way in this relationship that I learned to behave in my marriage to Mister Wonderful.  Those same reactions/habits/behaviors/attitudes I've lived with for 20 years just cannot be included in a real loving respectful relationship.  But he does understand now, that on his end, he can't just ignore me in his hurry to try and make things better for us, and that all of this was a big circle, one thing feeding off the other till everyone was disillusioned and upset.

Papoose #1 has to go back to school this morning.   That sucks balls.  I've really enjoyed her visit.  I am so thankful to have had her here when all of this was coming to a head with TRD.  She hugged me yesterday and whispered in my ear "I never had a minutes doubt that you and TRD would work things out, you guys are too perfect together and too much the epitome of true love.  But I'm glad you feel better now mom."

Every morning I pick Papoose #2 up after her cross country practice and bring her to the office with me so I can take her back for marching band later.  This morning we were rolling down 114 and all of a sudden the brake light on the idiot panel lights up, as does the traction light thingie.  About that time we hear an obnoxious noise and feel the shimmy.  I limped the jalopy in to my work driveway and we get out to see a pretty destroyed drivers side rear tire.  Am I thankful it wasn't a front tire??  Hell yes I am.  Now to figure out the money situation for getting another tire, and praying I didn't destroy the rim to where I have to replace that, too.

Papoose #2 surprised me with her maturity and poise by not only taking a pen and paper out and jotting down the tire size information off the tire, but calling a friend to get a ride to band so I wouldn't have to stress out about that.  Made me incredibly happy.  What good kids I have.

Papoose #1 is going to run my paycheck in to my bank before she leaves town so that I don't have to worry about how to get that chore done either, and can focus on finding a tire and getting the spare put on etc., in between working today.  Again, I have great kids.  So blessed.

I am going to drive out and see Papoose #1 at her place of employment tomorrow, since I'm not working at Job #2 till Sunday.  Then I'll go help her get moved into her apartment.  She is pretty excited.

Ok, it's taken me all morning to get this garbage thrown out there.  Gotta work now.

Have a great weekend, all.


  1. I am so, so in awe about the way you are handling these really rough spots. Especially about you and TRD. That's the test a a rea relationship - just talking it out when you are not yet sure if you want to run him down. Talking, talking, honest talking only makes things better and closer. In short, my present relationship, going on 12 years is the only good one I've ever had. And it took time to work through all those old immediate habit reactions. The Good, the Bad & the Ugly - of a relationship accepts all that and still talks it out - that's nirvana.
    Thank god you both didn't get hurt in the tire thing. You do have the most marvelous papooses. Says alot about their mama.

  2. ok i'm so happy that you got things straightened out with that man... i was just getting ready to pack my bag and come kick his arse! tell him thank you for me because i'm really not up for arse kicking in this heat...

    you have wonderful girls... it's so hard when they grow up and move on... but then it's so nice when you find that new level of adult relationships with them.. a friend/confidante thing...