Monday, April 25, 2011

Growing Up, And Letting Go

I don't hear much from Papoose #1 anymore.  She is away at school and working her jobs and busting her ass to get through school.  I know she is busy and has her own life going on.  But it kills me when I see a post on FaceBook or something that shows she is having a rough time or struggling.  I know she doesn't come to me with it because she knows I am not in a position to help anyway, but it still hurts my feelings that she doesn't come to me at all.  Also totally breaks my heart that I can't help her at least monetarily yet.  I freaking hate that.  By her own admission, she took too heavy of a course load this last semester.  Plus, she is already paying her student loans back, which is good, but with such a heavy course load, plus working so many hours, she's not only fallen behind in her classes, but she still never has any money because it all goes to the student loan payments.  Add to that, her car has something terribly wrong with it, and she is full on smack dab in the middle of one of lifes harshest lessons in stress.

I know that this is a learning experience for her.  We had agreed that she would stay home for a semester or two and work and save money and live at home and take some basics at Weatherford College.  Then she went ahead and applied to the University on her own, and 'surprised' me with the news.  So, it was her choice to do things the way she has, and for the most part, she has really pulled it off.  Just this last load she took on sounded doable in theory, but she's learning the difference between theory and real life.   I suppose as a mother, the greatest gift I can give her right now is to stay back and let her work through it.  It surely does break my heart and kill me to do though.

Papoose #2 got her very first real paycheck.  I told her that she WILL be putting half of every paycheck into her savings account.  The other half she can spend as she sees fit, but I think I will have her start buying her own makeup and hair products, as a foundation for learning to manage her money AND her 'stuff' so she's not so wasteful and learns just how much things cost.

It is an absolute blessing to have The Real Deal in our lives.  He has been such a huge help with so many things, including helping me to make the right decisions in how to deal with many things with the Papooses.  I've never had any family that gave a shit or kept in touch with us.  I've not had anyone to help me learn how to parent these kids, or to help me make decisions on how to handle different situations with them.  Lord knows Mister Wonderful has been absent in the parenting department, except to yell or blame or throw fits.  TRD calmly talks to me about these things and helps me work through the best way to handle so many things.  Is always willing to talk to the Pooses about things too.  It's been hard for me to relax and learn how to allow assistance, but I'm learning.

Crying sure does mess up my contacts for the day.  Urg.


  1. Pretty tough thing to do, just let them have a go of it. We finally had to just say "No more", and let them work it out themselves. They have all did a great job so far.
    I was just about to email you and see if you were still kicking when you made the post.
    Smile gal, it will all be ok!

  2. tough love... tough concept.. and tough to do... but i think it's the best thing a parent can do... as a parent, we have to think of ourselves as the bow, our kids as the arrows.... corny i know...

    hugs to you!!! glad you have TRD too!


  4. Corner, thanks for checking in on me, and thanks for the assurances...working on the smiling part too :-)

    Mess, thanks for the support that I'm doing the right thing. Sure as hell isn't easy being a parent right?

    Dammit Jar, made me cry at work again. Boss man won't even come into my office now, hehe.

  5. I think you're a wonderful Mother, and those girls are so lucky to have you in their corners! And you've been long overdue for some gentle love in the man department.....=)