There are people that have been kind to me and I've not been a good friend to them in return. My head was so jacked up for so long, I did and said things that I shouldn't have. I feel horrible for all of it, and have no excuse for ever having behaved that way. I guess I just let the craziness of all the situations sweep me along and left some part of my integrity back at the dock as I swirled away.
I have been trying to make things right with people, step by step and day by day.
There are blogger friends who were very supportive and wonderful to me, and I flaked out on them and wasn't as good a friend back to them as I should have been. For that I am dearly and deeply sorry. You all know who you are.
I hope everyone has a great weekend.
Oh, we have five stores now. We just picked up two brand new Texas Edition GMC crew cab trucks last night. The stores bought them for TRD and his bro. They have definitely earned them.
Life moves on.
Friday, August 24, 2012
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Well I THOUGHT I Was Having a Good Day
Ever have one of those days where things seem to be rolling along just fine, then all of a sudden out of the blue shit starts going sideways and everything goes wrong and everyone is mad at you? Like shit is literally coming at you totally unexpectedly from all sides, blindsiding you?
Yeah, yesterday was one of those days.
I ended the evening laying in bed, wondering what the fuck just happened.
Good thing we get a brand new fresh untarnished start every day.
Sure wish the bullshit from the previous day could just disappear with the prior evening though.
Oh well, we soldier on.
Yeah, yesterday was one of those days.
I ended the evening laying in bed, wondering what the fuck just happened.
Good thing we get a brand new fresh untarnished start every day.
Sure wish the bullshit from the previous day could just disappear with the prior evening though.
Oh well, we soldier on.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Love, Divorce & Pokin Holes Where It Counts
I love going to sleep deliriously happy and waking up the same way. I spend a lot of time in wonderment that my life is so happy and serene nowadays. I look around thinking "damn, this is real".
I do not wish it would have happened sooner. I believe that everything had to happen just as it did, or I never would have been in the place to appreciate what I have now. Everything happened just like it needed to.
Today is my anniversary. Mister Wonderful sent me a happy anniversary text at 4:31a.m. Of course, he was being a smart ass, but he did send it and made me sorta smile. He has always been so good about remembering dates and occasions like that.
No, we are not divorced yet. The whole bankruptcy thing is getting in the way. We have to get PERMISSION to get divorced. Till then, the divorce sits in the inactive docket thingie at the courts. In order to get permission to get divorced, we have to pay our piece of shit worthless cunt of a joke for an excuse for a lawyer $650.00 to file one paper for us with the bankruptcy courts. Then there is still no guarantee the trustee will 'allow' us to dissolve our marriage. Really?? No wonder so many people try to kill each other.
Shit of it is, we could easily just pay off the br, it's that close to being done, but they will not allow us to do that. They insist on taking a small amount of money out of MW's paycheck for like another 18 months, instead of letting us pay the mother fucking thing off and be done with it. And to think, we were trying to do the right thing by doing the bankruptcy where you pay all of your debt back.
A friend of mine just did the whole bankruptcy where you run up thousands of dollars in credit card and other debts and then just say oopsie, I don't want to pay this stuff off and they say ok, poof, you're out of debt. Same fucking mark on her credit as our, but we've been getting fucked in the ass without the courtesy of a reach around for like four years now. Pisses me the fuck off.
On to other news.
I am seriously considering getting a VCH piercing. Exciting!!!
I am also going to get a tattoo. One that Papoose #1 is designing for me. It will be somewhere you don't see it when I have clothing on. Probably on my side, towards my ribs. Still debating the location. It will be good. It will different components representing the different people in my life. It will be my story.
Have a wonderful day, all.
I'm out.
I do not wish it would have happened sooner. I believe that everything had to happen just as it did, or I never would have been in the place to appreciate what I have now. Everything happened just like it needed to.
Today is my anniversary. Mister Wonderful sent me a happy anniversary text at 4:31a.m. Of course, he was being a smart ass, but he did send it and made me sorta smile. He has always been so good about remembering dates and occasions like that.
No, we are not divorced yet. The whole bankruptcy thing is getting in the way. We have to get PERMISSION to get divorced. Till then, the divorce sits in the inactive docket thingie at the courts. In order to get permission to get divorced, we have to pay our piece of shit worthless cunt of a joke for an excuse for a lawyer $650.00 to file one paper for us with the bankruptcy courts. Then there is still no guarantee the trustee will 'allow' us to dissolve our marriage. Really?? No wonder so many people try to kill each other.
Shit of it is, we could easily just pay off the br, it's that close to being done, but they will not allow us to do that. They insist on taking a small amount of money out of MW's paycheck for like another 18 months, instead of letting us pay the mother fucking thing off and be done with it. And to think, we were trying to do the right thing by doing the bankruptcy where you pay all of your debt back.
A friend of mine just did the whole bankruptcy where you run up thousands of dollars in credit card and other debts and then just say oopsie, I don't want to pay this stuff off and they say ok, poof, you're out of debt. Same fucking mark on her credit as our, but we've been getting fucked in the ass without the courtesy of a reach around for like four years now. Pisses me the fuck off.
On to other news.
I am seriously considering getting a VCH piercing. Exciting!!!
I am also going to get a tattoo. One that Papoose #1 is designing for me. It will be somewhere you don't see it when I have clothing on. Probably on my side, towards my ribs. Still debating the location. It will be good. It will different components representing the different people in my life. It will be my story.
Have a wonderful day, all.
I'm out.
Monday, May 21, 2012
Hal Bringin Love and I'M A SHORT TIMER!!!
The jalopy is paid off. Yep, paid that sucker off last week. How fucking cool is THAT?? And this vehicle is mine and mine alone. All in my name. So freaking stoked.
Have a big old great dane/lab mix that I am fostering. Getting him trained up and taught some manners and healthy and fattened up for a new home. However, The Real Deal is pretty enamored with him, so we may have a new dog. Ugh. Gorgeous boy though.
Papooses are doing great. Papoose #2 has a boyfriend. Sweet damn kid, too. She is really happy. Love seeing her like that.
Papoose #1 is still off doing her thing, and seems happy. She has her own path to follow.
I've got her designing a tattoo for me. No, I do not have any tattoos yet. Been waiting. Bout ready now though. It will be where it'll be covered by clothing though. I still don't think they need to be out where they show all the time. Especially on women. But that's just me.
Fucking bungee cords.
Only have a couple small debts to pay off and then I'm outta here. Yep, in a few months I will not be working at Job #1 anymore. I will be doing this and that helping out with Job #2 and helping those stores grow and profit. No more 9-5 for this Squaw!!!!
So fucking stoked.
Life is so fucking good, I can't stand myself.
I know I never post anymore. I guess I just don't have anything to share, really. I no longer have drama in my life, so there's never anything entertaining to share anymore. Sorry all!!
Take care of you and love the ones who need it.
Peace.
Have a big old great dane/lab mix that I am fostering. Getting him trained up and taught some manners and healthy and fattened up for a new home. However, The Real Deal is pretty enamored with him, so we may have a new dog. Ugh. Gorgeous boy though.
Papooses are doing great. Papoose #2 has a boyfriend. Sweet damn kid, too. She is really happy. Love seeing her like that.
Papoose #1 is still off doing her thing, and seems happy. She has her own path to follow.
I've got her designing a tattoo for me. No, I do not have any tattoos yet. Been waiting. Bout ready now though. It will be where it'll be covered by clothing though. I still don't think they need to be out where they show all the time. Especially on women. But that's just me.
Fucking bungee cords.
Only have a couple small debts to pay off and then I'm outta here. Yep, in a few months I will not be working at Job #1 anymore. I will be doing this and that helping out with Job #2 and helping those stores grow and profit. No more 9-5 for this Squaw!!!!
So fucking stoked.
Life is so fucking good, I can't stand myself.
I know I never post anymore. I guess I just don't have anything to share, really. I no longer have drama in my life, so there's never anything entertaining to share anymore. Sorry all!!
Take care of you and love the ones who need it.
Peace.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Hal Goes To The Doctor
Well, $730.00 later, the jalopy drives much better. The jalopy now has a brand new drivers side control arm, ball joint and control arm bushing. Yep, that's all we got for that much money *sigh*. All the things I want to get fixed up on the thing, and I spend almost a grand on shit you can't even see.
The upside to that is the fact that I am no longer in danger of doing a nose dive at 80+ mph. Yeah, the reason it was shaking so badly was because the drivers side control arm was cracked almost all the way through. I meant to get a pic of it but forgot to bring my phone out when they took me out there to show me how bad it was. Scared the shit outta me. It was really bad, barely even hanging on there.
Anyhow, both of my front wheels (yes, the brand fucking new ones) have some slight damage from when the gal ran me off the road and I will have to spend another hundred bucks a piece having them turned back to true. Small potatoes except for the fact that I don't have the old wheels to put back on the car while they do it, so I will be without a car for at least two days while they do that. Cross that bridge when we come to it.
The estimate to have all the front and rear bumper repairs done, the dent where that lady hit me fixed, and a whole new paint job is right around $1300.00.
Only two more payments on it, so after that I can start using that money to start getting it all fixed up. So freaking excited!!!!
Picking Papoose #2 up for lunch today. Can't wait for that. I miss that kid.
Saw Papoose #1 on Sunday. We had a nice visit. She seems happy, so that makes me happy. She has quite the collection of tattoos now. Very beautiful, but man it's hard to see my gorgeous baby covering herself up with so much permanent ink. I guess living with an incredibly talented tattoo artist is feeding her addiction to ink, hahahaha. Sonofabitch is talented though, I will give him that.
I don't have anything else to say today.
Have a great day, all.
The upside to that is the fact that I am no longer in danger of doing a nose dive at 80+ mph. Yeah, the reason it was shaking so badly was because the drivers side control arm was cracked almost all the way through. I meant to get a pic of it but forgot to bring my phone out when they took me out there to show me how bad it was. Scared the shit outta me. It was really bad, barely even hanging on there.
Anyhow, both of my front wheels (yes, the brand fucking new ones) have some slight damage from when the gal ran me off the road and I will have to spend another hundred bucks a piece having them turned back to true. Small potatoes except for the fact that I don't have the old wheels to put back on the car while they do it, so I will be without a car for at least two days while they do that. Cross that bridge when we come to it.
The estimate to have all the front and rear bumper repairs done, the dent where that lady hit me fixed, and a whole new paint job is right around $1300.00.
Only two more payments on it, so after that I can start using that money to start getting it all fixed up. So freaking excited!!!!
Picking Papoose #2 up for lunch today. Can't wait for that. I miss that kid.
Saw Papoose #1 on Sunday. We had a nice visit. She seems happy, so that makes me happy. She has quite the collection of tattoos now. Very beautiful, but man it's hard to see my gorgeous baby covering herself up with so much permanent ink. I guess living with an incredibly talented tattoo artist is feeding her addiction to ink, hahahaha. Sonofabitch is talented though, I will give him that.
I don't have anything else to say today.
Have a great day, all.
Friday, April 27, 2012
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Fixin Up Bathrooms and Hal The Jalopy
"Life's full of bad but it's also filled with awesomeness" Papoose #2's words from yesterday keep running through my head. Love them, absolutely perfect. Love that kid.
She is doing an incredible job on the bathroom at the tepee. Papoose #1 had started a very LOUD colored project in there before she moved out, and when it didn't go according to her plan, she abandoned it. So that bathroom has been horrid for awhile now. Papoose #2 wanted to get it all redone, so I've been buying her the things to do that with. She even contributed some of her own money towards the overhaul. She bought textured wallpaper for the wall Pap #1 pulled wallpaper off of and painted. She chose fun but very pretty and easy on the eyes colors to use over it as well as the other walls. She has taken her time and taped everything off like she should, and just is really doing a smash up job on it. So proud of her!!
Taking the jalopy in to a collision center right by the new tepee today to get an estimate of what it's going to cost me out of pocket to get the front and rear bumpers back up to snuff as well as getting the dent repaired from the chickie that hit me all that time ago. Need to get to budgeting. The jalopy is paid off in two more payments. Time for that dough to go into fixing it all up pretty pretty. Sooooooo excited. I was disproportionately excited to order the ambient temperature sensor and the shocks for the trunk yesterday. I'm not sure a girl is supposed to get so excited about auto parts, but Hal has been shutting the A/C off of me during triple digit Texas summers for long enough because he thinks we've crashed into a snow bank and it's -33 degrees out so he needs to cut off the A/C and turn on the heater!!!! I'm ready to get everything repaired now, thankyouverymuch!!
Monday Hal the jalopy goes into the regular mechanic to get the prognosis on what needs to be done to repair whatever is fucked up in the front end. Crossing my fingers that it won't be too freaking expensive.
Passive aggressive people just piss me the fuck off. Get some balls, if you wanna be a fucking prick or bitch, have the fucking balls to just fucking do it already. Man. Some people just need a good ass kicking.
Molly, is there any end at all to your ability to be pathetic??? Really hon, it's time to give it up and move along on your merry way to fucked up psychosis, mmmmmkayy????
I'm never quite sure what to do about the people that fall for absolutely anything they hear or read on the internet. You know, the people that are forever sending you forward emails or posting on FaceBook about bizarre shit that is all a bunch of bullshit?? I get so embarrassed for them, sometimes I want to figure out a nice way to let them know what a fool they are being, but I never do. I'm sure just shutting up and letting them find out on their own is the right thing to do, right???
The other office chick just shared a hilarious dream she had last night. Our minds are amazing and impossible to understand machines, aren't they? Haha!!
Off duty fireman strippers. All I gotta say.
Well, it's time to get some work done and earn this short timers paycheck.
Have a great day, all, and make sure to have some wicked cool dreams tonight.
Oh, and remember that life is full of bad, but it's also full of awesomeness.
She is doing an incredible job on the bathroom at the tepee. Papoose #1 had started a very LOUD colored project in there before she moved out, and when it didn't go according to her plan, she abandoned it. So that bathroom has been horrid for awhile now. Papoose #2 wanted to get it all redone, so I've been buying her the things to do that with. She even contributed some of her own money towards the overhaul. She bought textured wallpaper for the wall Pap #1 pulled wallpaper off of and painted. She chose fun but very pretty and easy on the eyes colors to use over it as well as the other walls. She has taken her time and taped everything off like she should, and just is really doing a smash up job on it. So proud of her!!
Taking the jalopy in to a collision center right by the new tepee today to get an estimate of what it's going to cost me out of pocket to get the front and rear bumpers back up to snuff as well as getting the dent repaired from the chickie that hit me all that time ago. Need to get to budgeting. The jalopy is paid off in two more payments. Time for that dough to go into fixing it all up pretty pretty. Sooooooo excited. I was disproportionately excited to order the ambient temperature sensor and the shocks for the trunk yesterday. I'm not sure a girl is supposed to get so excited about auto parts, but Hal has been shutting the A/C off of me during triple digit Texas summers for long enough because he thinks we've crashed into a snow bank and it's -33 degrees out so he needs to cut off the A/C and turn on the heater!!!! I'm ready to get everything repaired now, thankyouverymuch!!
Monday Hal the jalopy goes into the regular mechanic to get the prognosis on what needs to be done to repair whatever is fucked up in the front end. Crossing my fingers that it won't be too freaking expensive.
Passive aggressive people just piss me the fuck off. Get some balls, if you wanna be a fucking prick or bitch, have the fucking balls to just fucking do it already. Man. Some people just need a good ass kicking.
Molly, is there any end at all to your ability to be pathetic??? Really hon, it's time to give it up and move along on your merry way to fucked up psychosis, mmmmmkayy????
I'm never quite sure what to do about the people that fall for absolutely anything they hear or read on the internet. You know, the people that are forever sending you forward emails or posting on FaceBook about bizarre shit that is all a bunch of bullshit?? I get so embarrassed for them, sometimes I want to figure out a nice way to let them know what a fool they are being, but I never do. I'm sure just shutting up and letting them find out on their own is the right thing to do, right???
The other office chick just shared a hilarious dream she had last night. Our minds are amazing and impossible to understand machines, aren't they? Haha!!
Off duty fireman strippers. All I gotta say.
Well, it's time to get some work done and earn this short timers paycheck.
Have a great day, all, and make sure to have some wicked cool dreams tonight.
Oh, and remember that life is full of bad, but it's also full of awesomeness.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
"Life's full of bad but it's also filled with awesomeness"
Part of a text conversation I had with Papoose #2 this morning. She is such a happy and content person. Really knows how to be happy with herself and what she's got, that one. We make each other laugh, chatting about how awesome and wonderful life is for us, haha.
Heard from Papoose #1 this morning as well. That was an incredibly welcome surprise :-D She sounds great and is doing well and is happy. That's all I pray for. Oh, and she has her first photo shoot in a couple of weeks. Hotness!!
Heard from Papoose #1 this morning as well. That was an incredibly welcome surprise :-D She sounds great and is doing well and is happy. That's all I pray for. Oh, and she has her first photo shoot in a couple of weeks. Hotness!!
Monday, April 23, 2012
Bitches In Stangs and Disco Sucks
So there is a chick I seem to end up commuting near pretty much every morning, unless I get out of the house and on the road very early. She drives a red Mustang and is a total bitch and a shitty and rude driver. I dread her every time I see her coming. She's one of those that will tail gate rather than change lanes and go around you, and every single morning when we turn left onto Meachum off of Beach she cuts right and passes in the middle of the intersection, thinking she can get around all the other cars that are ahead of her in the turn lane and jet off. It never works, and she is nearly hit every fucking day she does it. Why the fuck doesn't a police officer ever see her an ticket the dumb bitch? So frustrating. Then she hard charges it and terrorizes everyone on the road west on Meachum till she thankfully turns right on Syvania and is off to fuck with other people. Man it would be awesome if she's someone that reads this blog, because if she does FUCK YOU RED MUSTANG BITCH.
So anyhow, I spent about eight thousand hours working on Goggle Sketch Up this weekend, designing the new bar for one of our stores. The Real Deal and I had a fun time giving each other hell as one of us would figure out how to do something and give each other shit when we messed something up. It was actually really fun. We can have fun doing the most mundane things, I swear.
Spent part of Saturday at the house in Boyd visiting with Papoose #2. Mister Wonderfuls car had another part blow up or something, and when he stopped at the part store to buy a replacement, the motard that worked there sold him the part for a V6. I guess it's tough for a dude that works at a parts store to realize there is a difference between a V6 Mustang and a Cobra? Wow Einstein.....anyhow, MW gets the car all torn apart and puts the new and expensive gasket on that he had to buy to go with the new part and lo and behold discovers the idiot sold him the wrong thing, some bolt bracket was on the opposite side. So he calls me asking if I'm busy. I really wasn't, was just putzing around the new lil tepee, so I jumped in the car and drove up. Visited the baby while he took my car into town to get the correct part. Had a nice visit till he came back and turned disco music on top volume in the mancave just to get my goat. I fucking loath disco music and he got a huge kick out of watching me fuss about it. Papoose #2 danced around doing the John Travolta from Saturday Night Fever........*rolling eyes* The neighbors had to have thought we'd lost our ever lovin minds.
Sunday morning TRD took me out to breakfast to a place we have been wanting to try. One of our cooks works part time there and wanted us to try it. The food was fantastic, but some nimrod of an employee had filled all their salt shakers with sugar, so we salt and pepper our eggs, hashbrowns etc., and take a bite and about throw the fuck up. Poor waitress takes our plates and has them remade. We try salt shakers from two other tables and find they are all sugar and had to break the news to the waitress when she came back by. Poor gal. She knew it was our first visit and was mortified this happened. We kinda thought it was funny.
She had a barbed wire tattoo around her upper right arm. Does that really mean that she was a stripper when she was younger?? I've heard that so many times.......nice gal, real nice gal. Definitely rode hard and put away wet though, rough life, it looked like. We tipped her great, of course, especially after how upset she was over the great sugarsalt incident.
After breakfast we did our grocery shopping then headed home to start back on the damn Sketch Up of the bar area. TRD is so funny, he will go along behind me and add or replace things I've put in the buggy. I am such a penny pincher from being broke for so many years that I am a major price comparer etc. He is trying to get me to realize that while it is awesome that I'm tight with our money, it is ok for me to get a different type, brand or style of something that I like better or is a better quality now. Still haven't wrapped my mind around that though. Probably never will.
We found an entire bedroom suite that we both love. That is really saying something, since our tastes run opposite of one another on decor. We definitely took down all the names, numbers and details on that suite, so we can get it ordered up in the next month or two. Complete with brand new mattresses, that are like a little slice of HEAVEN. So excited!!!!
I can't wait till his bachelor couch dies. He bought it brand new, but I hold out hope that it will give up the ghost over the next couple of years. One way or another, I'm not keeping that hideous fucking thing. I give him hell about it all the time. He loves the damn thing though. You win this battle, awful couch, but you will not win the war!!!!
We didn't get to bed till midnight last night, then TRD couldn't sleep so he kept snuggling up to me and whispering in my ear so I would rouse up and visit with him. Love that man to death, he is such a sweetie pie. Then we were up at 4:30 this morning to get ready and go open the store for the day, after that I hit the road to get back up here to Boyd for my regular job. Whew!! Haha.
Really though, life is so ridiculously easy and good, I have no complaints at all.
I am blessed.
I am spoiled.
I am blessed.
So anyhow, I spent about eight thousand hours working on Goggle Sketch Up this weekend, designing the new bar for one of our stores. The Real Deal and I had a fun time giving each other hell as one of us would figure out how to do something and give each other shit when we messed something up. It was actually really fun. We can have fun doing the most mundane things, I swear.
Spent part of Saturday at the house in Boyd visiting with Papoose #2. Mister Wonderfuls car had another part blow up or something, and when he stopped at the part store to buy a replacement, the motard that worked there sold him the part for a V6. I guess it's tough for a dude that works at a parts store to realize there is a difference between a V6 Mustang and a Cobra? Wow Einstein.....anyhow, MW gets the car all torn apart and puts the new and expensive gasket on that he had to buy to go with the new part and lo and behold discovers the idiot sold him the wrong thing, some bolt bracket was on the opposite side. So he calls me asking if I'm busy. I really wasn't, was just putzing around the new lil tepee, so I jumped in the car and drove up. Visited the baby while he took my car into town to get the correct part. Had a nice visit till he came back and turned disco music on top volume in the mancave just to get my goat. I fucking loath disco music and he got a huge kick out of watching me fuss about it. Papoose #2 danced around doing the John Travolta from Saturday Night Fever........*rolling eyes* The neighbors had to have thought we'd lost our ever lovin minds.
Sunday morning TRD took me out to breakfast to a place we have been wanting to try. One of our cooks works part time there and wanted us to try it. The food was fantastic, but some nimrod of an employee had filled all their salt shakers with sugar, so we salt and pepper our eggs, hashbrowns etc., and take a bite and about throw the fuck up. Poor waitress takes our plates and has them remade. We try salt shakers from two other tables and find they are all sugar and had to break the news to the waitress when she came back by. Poor gal. She knew it was our first visit and was mortified this happened. We kinda thought it was funny.
She had a barbed wire tattoo around her upper right arm. Does that really mean that she was a stripper when she was younger?? I've heard that so many times.......nice gal, real nice gal. Definitely rode hard and put away wet though, rough life, it looked like. We tipped her great, of course, especially after how upset she was over the great sugarsalt incident.
After breakfast we did our grocery shopping then headed home to start back on the damn Sketch Up of the bar area. TRD is so funny, he will go along behind me and add or replace things I've put in the buggy. I am such a penny pincher from being broke for so many years that I am a major price comparer etc. He is trying to get me to realize that while it is awesome that I'm tight with our money, it is ok for me to get a different type, brand or style of something that I like better or is a better quality now. Still haven't wrapped my mind around that though. Probably never will.
We found an entire bedroom suite that we both love. That is really saying something, since our tastes run opposite of one another on decor. We definitely took down all the names, numbers and details on that suite, so we can get it ordered up in the next month or two. Complete with brand new mattresses, that are like a little slice of HEAVEN. So excited!!!!
I can't wait till his bachelor couch dies. He bought it brand new, but I hold out hope that it will give up the ghost over the next couple of years. One way or another, I'm not keeping that hideous fucking thing. I give him hell about it all the time. He loves the damn thing though. You win this battle, awful couch, but you will not win the war!!!!
We didn't get to bed till midnight last night, then TRD couldn't sleep so he kept snuggling up to me and whispering in my ear so I would rouse up and visit with him. Love that man to death, he is such a sweetie pie. Then we were up at 4:30 this morning to get ready and go open the store for the day, after that I hit the road to get back up here to Boyd for my regular job. Whew!! Haha.
Really though, life is so ridiculously easy and good, I have no complaints at all.
I am blessed.
I am spoiled.
I am blessed.
Friday, April 20, 2012
Fucking JoshHartnettChanningTatum With Somebody Else's Dick
Ok, so as far as I know, the only drug I have ever done is alcohol. But maybe in another life I was an acid tripper or something, because I had one of the most bizarre dreams last night that I have ever had.
Ok, so I wake up in a place I don't recognize and realize I'm late for work. I can only find one of my shoes, and it's raining outside where I miraculously end up wandering around a multi level parking garage in my one shoe, the other socked foot is drenched and filthy. The place had a Gotham feel to it.
Then all of a sudden, I'm in a room, still in one shoe, and I'm getting it on with a guy that's a combination of Josh Hartnett and Channing Tatum in looks, but has Mister Wonderfuls whatchamahoozie. So we're going at it hot and heavy when I remember again that I'm late for work and get up to continue looking for my shoe. While I'm walking around the room (which had trashy fake wood paneling and was a mess), I notice some bills crumpled on the floor, about ten bucks, so I pick them up to put on his night stand and he sits straight up and screams "NOT TILL EASTER!!!!!!!" and then a camera I hadn't noticed before swings down from the ceiling on a wire (like the ones they use to film and broadcast NFL games) and smacks him square in the face to which he responds "Oh that's right, I'm on punishment" and it was his dad watching everything through the camera the whole time.
I'm freaked out and still trying to find my shoe, worried about being late for work, and wander outside where I get on a pink train that ends up going the opposite direction of where I needed to go for work.
I still only had one shoe on, and my other foot was still drenched and filthy.
At some point in the dream I was in a group of people in an arena, and I was trying to find a ride to work, but everyone was watching a fish rodeo and Reba McEntire was there, so nobody would listen to me. Yes, still only one shoe.
Seriously, who the FUCK has this kind of shit go through their heads????
And I'm not even really attracted to Josh Hartnett OR Channing Tatum!!!!!
Only thing I can figure, some kind of delayed acid trippin from my previous lives or some such thing.
Ok, I've purged. I'm done here.
***Every time I think about this crazy assed dream, I get into a hysterical fit of giggling, to the point where I'm crying.......the whole time I typed this, it was through tears of laughter. Greatness.
Ok, so I wake up in a place I don't recognize and realize I'm late for work. I can only find one of my shoes, and it's raining outside where I miraculously end up wandering around a multi level parking garage in my one shoe, the other socked foot is drenched and filthy. The place had a Gotham feel to it.
Then all of a sudden, I'm in a room, still in one shoe, and I'm getting it on with a guy that's a combination of Josh Hartnett and Channing Tatum in looks, but has Mister Wonderfuls whatchamahoozie. So we're going at it hot and heavy when I remember again that I'm late for work and get up to continue looking for my shoe. While I'm walking around the room (which had trashy fake wood paneling and was a mess), I notice some bills crumpled on the floor, about ten bucks, so I pick them up to put on his night stand and he sits straight up and screams "NOT TILL EASTER!!!!!!!" and then a camera I hadn't noticed before swings down from the ceiling on a wire (like the ones they use to film and broadcast NFL games) and smacks him square in the face to which he responds "Oh that's right, I'm on punishment" and it was his dad watching everything through the camera the whole time.
I'm freaked out and still trying to find my shoe, worried about being late for work, and wander outside where I get on a pink train that ends up going the opposite direction of where I needed to go for work.
I still only had one shoe on, and my other foot was still drenched and filthy.
At some point in the dream I was in a group of people in an arena, and I was trying to find a ride to work, but everyone was watching a fish rodeo and Reba McEntire was there, so nobody would listen to me. Yes, still only one shoe.
Seriously, who the FUCK has this kind of shit go through their heads????
And I'm not even really attracted to Josh Hartnett OR Channing Tatum!!!!!
Only thing I can figure, some kind of delayed acid trippin from my previous lives or some such thing.
Ok, I've purged. I'm done here.
***Every time I think about this crazy assed dream, I get into a hysterical fit of giggling, to the point where I'm crying.......the whole time I typed this, it was through tears of laughter. Greatness.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Hairy Legs and Bungie Cords
Ok, so I'm a good girl and make sure to always keep myself all shaved up and pretty like, but I would like to know how in the hell a hairy legged man can even tell if we are super clean shaved on our legs, or if we have cheated and skipped a day? I mean, dudes are covered in hair on their legs, how can they even feel our legs?? TRD and I were discussing that last night, and I just can say as I believe him when he says guys can tell anything thru those hairy ol legs. But thank God I'm a good girl and keep it real, soft and smooth baby. Haha. Sherri's post was pretty hilarious timing today, considering my convo last night in bed with TRD.
TRD was put on Paxil by his doctor about a year ago, to help him with all of his anxiety issues with everything he had going on in his life. Now that things are settled down and he is in a good place, it's time to wean him off of it. He has been working on that gradually for weeks now, and it is still making him sick as a dog and really fucking him up. I feel awful for him and am kinda worried about him. But he HAS to get off that shit. He randomly gets like vertigo and it'll make him throw up just immediately out of the blue and gives him these random like brain zaps and makes it hard for him to concentrate. All of that is quite inconvenient when you are as busy of a man as he is. Please let this be over soon. Poor baby.
Staying busy with Job #1 as well as hiring people for Job #2. With the loss of Papoose #2 at Job #2 plus the new stores we are buying and the ones we will be opening in the next couple of months in other areas, we are in need of good employees. I don't think anyone in the world can understand how hard it is to staff a place with good people. It is incredible how many yahoos there are out there in the world, truly amazing.
That jalopy has a serious serious issue. It needs an oil change in the worst way, but more importantly I need to get whatever it is in that rod thingie in the front drivers side that goes out to the wheel fixed. It is so bad that any time I have to turn to the right like in a sweeper turn type thing, it shakes so bad I can barely hang on to the steering wheel. Just keep asking it please please please hang in there a couple more weeks till I have the money to get you fixed, please!!!!
It's weird to have a dog that likes other people better than he likes you. Disconcerting.
The landlord is bringing us a new stove and dishwasher tomorrow!!!! The ones we have in the duplex are as old as the duplex itself, and lets just say that cooking on the stove or using the oven is, umm, challenging, and the dishwasher can't be used at all. It runs for like two hours, wasting water and electricity, and never gets the dishes clean anyway. No biggie on the dishwasher, I'm so used to doing dishes by hand I don't even miss it, but TRD wants us to have a dishwasher, doesn't like to see me wasting time doing dishes. Pretty cool dude, eh? He is the one that called the landlord letting him know that the crusty non working appliances that were fine when it was a bachelor pad are no bueno now that it's a real home, with a real girl actually in there cooking and cleaning and doing dishes.
I still can't stand Maroon 5. I have to be the only chick in the world that hates that group.
Nearly killed myself avoiding a fucking bungie cord on 35 this morning. I swear to God, those things should be illegal. Squaw fears very little, but bungie cords top the list.
Not long for Job #1......as soon as those last few loose end debts are paid off, I'm out of here. Will be full time Girl Friday for TRD. In other words, I will get to be with him as much as I want, and help him with the stores. And get pedicures. And work out. I'm finally gonna have time to do stuff OTHER than fucking work. Go me!!!
Praying and sending good karma out to my friends who are looking for that new open door. It's gonna happen, my friends, and it's gonna be spectacular.
Oh!!! I have actually managed to keep all my cute little houseplants that Kathleen gave me alive!!! Plus, I picked up a couple at Lowes and Wal Mart and those are thriving as well!! I guess the black thumb that I have had for years no matter what I tried is finally letting up some. That, or it was the blackness of my heart that kept everything from thriving before, and my utter happiness and good outlook are working on these now!!!
Ok, I'm outta here. Happy Hump Day everyone.
TRD was put on Paxil by his doctor about a year ago, to help him with all of his anxiety issues with everything he had going on in his life. Now that things are settled down and he is in a good place, it's time to wean him off of it. He has been working on that gradually for weeks now, and it is still making him sick as a dog and really fucking him up. I feel awful for him and am kinda worried about him. But he HAS to get off that shit. He randomly gets like vertigo and it'll make him throw up just immediately out of the blue and gives him these random like brain zaps and makes it hard for him to concentrate. All of that is quite inconvenient when you are as busy of a man as he is. Please let this be over soon. Poor baby.
Staying busy with Job #1 as well as hiring people for Job #2. With the loss of Papoose #2 at Job #2 plus the new stores we are buying and the ones we will be opening in the next couple of months in other areas, we are in need of good employees. I don't think anyone in the world can understand how hard it is to staff a place with good people. It is incredible how many yahoos there are out there in the world, truly amazing.
That jalopy has a serious serious issue. It needs an oil change in the worst way, but more importantly I need to get whatever it is in that rod thingie in the front drivers side that goes out to the wheel fixed. It is so bad that any time I have to turn to the right like in a sweeper turn type thing, it shakes so bad I can barely hang on to the steering wheel. Just keep asking it please please please hang in there a couple more weeks till I have the money to get you fixed, please!!!!
It's weird to have a dog that likes other people better than he likes you. Disconcerting.
The landlord is bringing us a new stove and dishwasher tomorrow!!!! The ones we have in the duplex are as old as the duplex itself, and lets just say that cooking on the stove or using the oven is, umm, challenging, and the dishwasher can't be used at all. It runs for like two hours, wasting water and electricity, and never gets the dishes clean anyway. No biggie on the dishwasher, I'm so used to doing dishes by hand I don't even miss it, but TRD wants us to have a dishwasher, doesn't like to see me wasting time doing dishes. Pretty cool dude, eh? He is the one that called the landlord letting him know that the crusty non working appliances that were fine when it was a bachelor pad are no bueno now that it's a real home, with a real girl actually in there cooking and cleaning and doing dishes.
I still can't stand Maroon 5. I have to be the only chick in the world that hates that group.
Nearly killed myself avoiding a fucking bungie cord on 35 this morning. I swear to God, those things should be illegal. Squaw fears very little, but bungie cords top the list.
Not long for Job #1......as soon as those last few loose end debts are paid off, I'm out of here. Will be full time Girl Friday for TRD. In other words, I will get to be with him as much as I want, and help him with the stores. And get pedicures. And work out. I'm finally gonna have time to do stuff OTHER than fucking work. Go me!!!
Praying and sending good karma out to my friends who are looking for that new open door. It's gonna happen, my friends, and it's gonna be spectacular.
Oh!!! I have actually managed to keep all my cute little houseplants that Kathleen gave me alive!!! Plus, I picked up a couple at Lowes and Wal Mart and those are thriving as well!! I guess the black thumb that I have had for years no matter what I tried is finally letting up some. That, or it was the blackness of my heart that kept everything from thriving before, and my utter happiness and good outlook are working on these now!!!
Ok, I'm outta here. Happy Hump Day everyone.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
And Yet, I Am Here
I always want to drink the Bud Light Platinum, just because the bottle is so beautiful. I refrain, but the gorgeous blue of the bottle does call to me. Odd?
Is it a fact that 99.9999999% of those of us who blog are, indeed, mentally touched in some way?? It sure seems like it, doesn't it? Don't get me wrong, I don't say that in a negative way, quite to the contrary.
I myself have found that living life NOT being crazy is a refreshing change. Every day I wake up and look around, walk around, in this perfectly amazing life, wondering how I got here, how I reached this point. I certainly never did anything to deserve such happiness, and I have to admit that a part of me keeps waiting for it all to disappear, to dissipate like smoke into a rainstorm or something......trust me, I shove those thoughts into a junk drawer far far back in my consciousness, and don't allow them to hold court for long. I dig this life. I am amazed and humbled by it, and will never for a minute take it for granted.
We are buying more stores. We are opening a new one that we still need to finish the remodel on, but we are also buying a couple that are already up and running, just being run into the ground by fools. Sweet deal. We will be so incredibly busy, but damn if this isn't going to pay off in a big way in the not too distant future. I am not long for Job #1, once I get some last things paid off and paid up. I am needed by The Real Deal and family at Job #2 in a big way, and will be doing that full time pretty soon. I am looking forward to it with great anticipation, but am also feeling the bittersweet aspect of it, with having to give up Job #1 at some point. This is a good job, good people, and I've been so blessed to have been allowed to be here, to know these people, to be a part of this. Yes, bittersweet, but the call to be at TRD's side is one that I will never pass up again. I have a future to jump into!!
The knowledge that I am FINALLY able to make concrete plans for paying off some debts that have been impossible to get to, I mean really able to set a date that this one or that one will be paid off, is the most incredible feeling. Again, how did I get here? Fuck yeah.
I've lost 30 pounds over the last few months. Gotta keep that particular train running, fo sho. HAVE to get back to working out though, fucking nasty what a difference it makes if you're shit is toned up or flabby and floppy. Ugh. Seriously.
Ok. Thats it. I'm hungry and have nothing of importance or interest to share.
Have a great day, all.
Life fucking rocks.
P.S. MOLLY, HE DOESN'T MISS YOU BACK, SO STOP CONTACTING HIM. LEAVE HIM THE FUCK ALONE BEFORE HE HAS TO CHANGE HIS FUCKING PHONE NUMBER TO AVOID YOU, YOU CRAZY BACKSTABBING BITCH. Thank you, have a nice day :-D
Is it a fact that 99.9999999% of those of us who blog are, indeed, mentally touched in some way?? It sure seems like it, doesn't it? Don't get me wrong, I don't say that in a negative way, quite to the contrary.
I myself have found that living life NOT being crazy is a refreshing change. Every day I wake up and look around, walk around, in this perfectly amazing life, wondering how I got here, how I reached this point. I certainly never did anything to deserve such happiness, and I have to admit that a part of me keeps waiting for it all to disappear, to dissipate like smoke into a rainstorm or something......trust me, I shove those thoughts into a junk drawer far far back in my consciousness, and don't allow them to hold court for long. I dig this life. I am amazed and humbled by it, and will never for a minute take it for granted.
We are buying more stores. We are opening a new one that we still need to finish the remodel on, but we are also buying a couple that are already up and running, just being run into the ground by fools. Sweet deal. We will be so incredibly busy, but damn if this isn't going to pay off in a big way in the not too distant future. I am not long for Job #1, once I get some last things paid off and paid up. I am needed by The Real Deal and family at Job #2 in a big way, and will be doing that full time pretty soon. I am looking forward to it with great anticipation, but am also feeling the bittersweet aspect of it, with having to give up Job #1 at some point. This is a good job, good people, and I've been so blessed to have been allowed to be here, to know these people, to be a part of this. Yes, bittersweet, but the call to be at TRD's side is one that I will never pass up again. I have a future to jump into!!
The knowledge that I am FINALLY able to make concrete plans for paying off some debts that have been impossible to get to, I mean really able to set a date that this one or that one will be paid off, is the most incredible feeling. Again, how did I get here? Fuck yeah.
I've lost 30 pounds over the last few months. Gotta keep that particular train running, fo sho. HAVE to get back to working out though, fucking nasty what a difference it makes if you're shit is toned up or flabby and floppy. Ugh. Seriously.
Ok. Thats it. I'm hungry and have nothing of importance or interest to share.
Have a great day, all.
Life fucking rocks.
P.S. MOLLY, HE DOESN'T MISS YOU BACK, SO STOP CONTACTING HIM. LEAVE HIM THE FUCK ALONE BEFORE HE HAS TO CHANGE HIS FUCKING PHONE NUMBER TO AVOID YOU, YOU CRAZY BACKSTABBING BITCH. Thank you, have a nice day :-D
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Hump Day Nothin'
Awwwww, Molly The Cunt is still sending I MISS YOU messages to Mister Wonderful. Get over it, bitch, even if he was looking to date right now, you are the last used up psychotic slut he would bother to hook up with now, trust me. He has more than learned his lesson about what you are. Stupid whore.
I think Mister Wonderful needs to get a new car. The Cobra keeps finding new and unique ways to fall apart. It seems that car creates new parts that can break or seize up somehow. I swear everything on it has been replaced at least once, and new obscure things keep fouling up on and on and on. Sheesh. Time to put a bullet in it and move on, methinks.
Taking Papoose #2 to lunch today. Really looking forward to it :-)
Still don't know where Papoose #1 is, of course she's not speaking to me because I am the epitome of all evil in her world. Yeez. She did tell her dad that I was asking for her address, which is utter bullshit. I haven't asked her for any information whatsoever. Pfft, as one of my dear friends would say.
Well, have to go. Papoose #2's lunch is at 11:15, so I'm outta here to see the baby!!!
Peace, all.
I think Mister Wonderful needs to get a new car. The Cobra keeps finding new and unique ways to fall apart. It seems that car creates new parts that can break or seize up somehow. I swear everything on it has been replaced at least once, and new obscure things keep fouling up on and on and on. Sheesh. Time to put a bullet in it and move on, methinks.
Taking Papoose #2 to lunch today. Really looking forward to it :-)
Still don't know where Papoose #1 is, of course she's not speaking to me because I am the epitome of all evil in her world. Yeez. She did tell her dad that I was asking for her address, which is utter bullshit. I haven't asked her for any information whatsoever. Pfft, as one of my dear friends would say.
Well, have to go. Papoose #2's lunch is at 11:15, so I'm outta here to see the baby!!!
Peace, all.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Too Happy To Be Entertaining
Torture........trapped behind a Mrs. Bairds truck while trying to merge onto 35 north at the Meacham onramp that has been under construction forever now. Those trucks DO have a gas pedal, don't they??
So many things going on over here, both good and bad, but really don't have anything to write anymore. My heart has shifted to where I just can't bring myself to share things in other peoples lives anymore. And since everything in my life personally is so fucking fantastically perfect that I still think I'm in a dream, that really doesn't leave a whole lot to write about.
So I don't write anymore. Any material I've got right now is at someone elses expense, and that I cannot do anymore.
Molly is still a cunt. She is still sending mushy shit to Mister Wonderful, hoping to gain his affections again. Girlfriend, you do not know that man, if you think that bullshit will work for you. Move on.
That is one person I will talk about anytime I feel like it. She deserves zero respect from me.
Papooses are doing great. Papoose #2's bday get together with all her friends this weekend went great. I had to leave after getting everyone fed and the cake done, felt like I was getting sick. Aching, sore throat, no energy. Didn't want to share, if that was the case, so headed out early, but got to watch her enjoy her friends for five hours or so before taking off, so it was ok.
Papoose #1 is in a finding herself stage. Has been for awhile. There are tattoos and piercings involved. And a much older man who may or may not be the best choice of characters she could be spending time with. But alas, it is her life to live. I will still be here when she decides she wants me in her life again.
Well, that's all I've got, without delving into things that aren't mine to share.
Have a great day all.
So many things going on over here, both good and bad, but really don't have anything to write anymore. My heart has shifted to where I just can't bring myself to share things in other peoples lives anymore. And since everything in my life personally is so fucking fantastically perfect that I still think I'm in a dream, that really doesn't leave a whole lot to write about.
So I don't write anymore. Any material I've got right now is at someone elses expense, and that I cannot do anymore.
Molly is still a cunt. She is still sending mushy shit to Mister Wonderful, hoping to gain his affections again. Girlfriend, you do not know that man, if you think that bullshit will work for you. Move on.
That is one person I will talk about anytime I feel like it. She deserves zero respect from me.
Papooses are doing great. Papoose #2's bday get together with all her friends this weekend went great. I had to leave after getting everyone fed and the cake done, felt like I was getting sick. Aching, sore throat, no energy. Didn't want to share, if that was the case, so headed out early, but got to watch her enjoy her friends for five hours or so before taking off, so it was ok.
Papoose #1 is in a finding herself stage. Has been for awhile. There are tattoos and piercings involved. And a much older man who may or may not be the best choice of characters she could be spending time with. But alas, it is her life to live. I will still be here when she decides she wants me in her life again.
Well, that's all I've got, without delving into things that aren't mine to share.
Have a great day all.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Sweet 16
Had THE MOST incredible day and night with Papoose #2. She turned 16 yesterday. She spent the day with Mister Wonderful, then early afternoon with both of us. Then I took her shopping and out to eat, then we headed to the suite The Real Deal reserved for her for her birthday gift, complete with indoor pool and jacuzzi. We shopped for the usual things, new books and makeup, clothes......then had wonderful Chinese food for dinner and headed to the room to relax in the spa and pool.
We even burst into an impromptu duet of Crazy Girl while we had the pool house all to ourselves, and had a great time with that.
Yep, life really doesn't get any better than it is right now.
So blessed.
So happy.
So alive.
We even burst into an impromptu duet of Crazy Girl while we had the pool house all to ourselves, and had a great time with that.
Yep, life really doesn't get any better than it is right now.
So blessed.
So happy.
So alive.
Monday, April 2, 2012
Hehehe
The Cunt is trying to get Mister Wonderfuls attention by forwarding fake emails, claiming they are from me.
Why do psycho stalker women think that guys are actually going to like them for doing crazy shit like that?
I mean, how incredibly pathetic can one bitch be?
Whhooooooeeeeee, am I ever glad I'm not part of either of their lives anymore.
They can't even begin to touch my happiness.
My life is divine.
*MWAH* Molly, you pathetic cunt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-D
Check mate, bitch. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA
Why do psycho stalker women think that guys are actually going to like them for doing crazy shit like that?
I mean, how incredibly pathetic can one bitch be?
Whhooooooeeeeee, am I ever glad I'm not part of either of their lives anymore.
They can't even begin to touch my happiness.
My life is divine.
*MWAH* Molly, you pathetic cunt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-D
Check mate, bitch. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA
Monday, March 26, 2012
Peace
I cannot believe how unbelievably incredibly indescribably happy I am in my life now. I find myself wondering why I didn't let go and make these changes sooner, but then I realize that it had to happen in it's own time, or it wouldn't be as perfect as it all is now.
The life I am living for ME has begun. It's started. I'm so stoked. Every day I wake up in my own dream life. I still pinch myself. I can't believe, after all the heartache, trials and suffering, this wonderful life is mine, every day, every night, every minute. I am so blessed.
Molly The Cunt contacted Mister Wonderful, trying to get him to hook up with her again. Uh, girlfriend??? Figure it out, even MW has better taste, once he spent a little 'quality one on one' time with you. Move on. Jesus. If you don't want to be treated like a cheap tramp, stop behaving and living like one. Little word of advice. Yeah, of COURSE he told you to go pump sand. You were nothing but a fucking cancer to this whole family, worthless bitch. He can do so much better than you, get over it. Anyone that lives a life where they have to change their cell number on a regular basis because they fuck so many people over and piss so many people off really needs to reevaluate their life and person. Psycho slut.
I've moved in with The Real Deal. It's fabulous. Of course, moving AGAIN is no fun, but at least it's just across the street this time, hehe. It's funny to watch his VERY bachelor pad becoming a home. We're getting there. Each day he walks around, checking out the changes and additions, throwing out compliments and sometimes questions like "damn, so that's what that's for??" haha. Silly man.
I'm going to miss my cottage, because everything was brand new in it, from the fixtures to the blinds to the carpet to the appliances.....and this is not the case at TRD's house, but who cares, it's nothing but a thing.
Papoose #1 sold her car. Without having another one to replace it. Yeah, call it a life lesson. This could get very interesting. ***Edit: Totally forgot to add that Mister Wonderful is trying to talk her into getting a PT CRUISER!!!! I nearly died laughing when she told me that. Of all the cars.......
Papoose #2 went with our friends to a horse show this weekend, and showed my horse, rather than her own. Let's just say, my horse is a different caliber than hers haha. They did fantastic and had a blast. I wish I could have been there, but had so much to do and had to work a couple stores off and on as well, since we're a bit short staffed right now, with all the expansion we're involved in. There is always the next show. Plus, we are all taking our own horses to a weekend long clinic this weekend that is sure to be an absolute blast!!!!
Hey commenters????? I hope you have fun with all your nasty comments. Sucks to be so jealous of someone that you have to lash out like that, huh? Feel so sorry for you and how pathetic your lives must be. Poor poor things. Bless your hearts.
The jalopy is nearly paid off. Pretty soon I will be able to get serious about getting it all fixed up. Super excited about that!!!!!!!! I don't want a new car. I love my jalopy and have yet to find one that I like the looks of more than this one. It's going to be a freaking blast getting it all fixed up. Eeeeeeeeee!!!!
I can't believe how much weight I've lost through this whole adventure. First, it started falling off because I was so stressed out and upset I wasn't eating. Then I stopped drinking beer for good too. Now I think it's still falling off because I'm so calm and content and NOT stressed out. Starting my training again around the beginning of May. I'm taking April to start running again and working out on my own. The trainer I'm going to starts out so hot and heavy, no intro, that I don't dare start in there till I'm at least back to running a couple miles and a little strength training under my belt. I've let myself get so out of shape!!!!
I hate eating breakfast. I mean, I LOVE breakfast, but hate eating any time before 10am. Just loathe it, and have to force myself to eat my oatmeal or whatever every single day when I'm working out and shaping up. You just can't do it if you skip that in the morning, and it HAS to be before 9am, so I have to totally choke it down. Blerg. Ick. Hate eating early on in the day, and always will. Meh.
Ok, I've bored you all enough. Have a great day everyone.
The life I am living for ME has begun. It's started. I'm so stoked. Every day I wake up in my own dream life. I still pinch myself. I can't believe, after all the heartache, trials and suffering, this wonderful life is mine, every day, every night, every minute. I am so blessed.
Molly The Cunt contacted Mister Wonderful, trying to get him to hook up with her again. Uh, girlfriend??? Figure it out, even MW has better taste, once he spent a little 'quality one on one' time with you. Move on. Jesus. If you don't want to be treated like a cheap tramp, stop behaving and living like one. Little word of advice. Yeah, of COURSE he told you to go pump sand. You were nothing but a fucking cancer to this whole family, worthless bitch. He can do so much better than you, get over it. Anyone that lives a life where they have to change their cell number on a regular basis because they fuck so many people over and piss so many people off really needs to reevaluate their life and person. Psycho slut.
I've moved in with The Real Deal. It's fabulous. Of course, moving AGAIN is no fun, but at least it's just across the street this time, hehe. It's funny to watch his VERY bachelor pad becoming a home. We're getting there. Each day he walks around, checking out the changes and additions, throwing out compliments and sometimes questions like "damn, so that's what that's for??" haha. Silly man.
I'm going to miss my cottage, because everything was brand new in it, from the fixtures to the blinds to the carpet to the appliances.....and this is not the case at TRD's house, but who cares, it's nothing but a thing.
Papoose #1 sold her car. Without having another one to replace it. Yeah, call it a life lesson. This could get very interesting. ***Edit: Totally forgot to add that Mister Wonderful is trying to talk her into getting a PT CRUISER!!!! I nearly died laughing when she told me that. Of all the cars.......
Papoose #2 went with our friends to a horse show this weekend, and showed my horse, rather than her own. Let's just say, my horse is a different caliber than hers haha. They did fantastic and had a blast. I wish I could have been there, but had so much to do and had to work a couple stores off and on as well, since we're a bit short staffed right now, with all the expansion we're involved in. There is always the next show. Plus, we are all taking our own horses to a weekend long clinic this weekend that is sure to be an absolute blast!!!!
Hey commenters????? I hope you have fun with all your nasty comments. Sucks to be so jealous of someone that you have to lash out like that, huh? Feel so sorry for you and how pathetic your lives must be. Poor poor things. Bless your hearts.
The jalopy is nearly paid off. Pretty soon I will be able to get serious about getting it all fixed up. Super excited about that!!!!!!!! I don't want a new car. I love my jalopy and have yet to find one that I like the looks of more than this one. It's going to be a freaking blast getting it all fixed up. Eeeeeeeeee!!!!
I can't believe how much weight I've lost through this whole adventure. First, it started falling off because I was so stressed out and upset I wasn't eating. Then I stopped drinking beer for good too. Now I think it's still falling off because I'm so calm and content and NOT stressed out. Starting my training again around the beginning of May. I'm taking April to start running again and working out on my own. The trainer I'm going to starts out so hot and heavy, no intro, that I don't dare start in there till I'm at least back to running a couple miles and a little strength training under my belt. I've let myself get so out of shape!!!!
I hate eating breakfast. I mean, I LOVE breakfast, but hate eating any time before 10am. Just loathe it, and have to force myself to eat my oatmeal or whatever every single day when I'm working out and shaping up. You just can't do it if you skip that in the morning, and it HAS to be before 9am, so I have to totally choke it down. Blerg. Ick. Hate eating early on in the day, and always will. Meh.
Ok, I've bored you all enough. Have a great day everyone.
No, Anony from Friday, I will not be posting your ugly comments. But only for the mere reason that you are WRONG and have no idea what you are talking about. So go fuck yourself.
***Edit: Oh, and yeah, Anony???? Remember how we can see who visits our blog??? Well, um, yeah, we can also see where you are commenting from, you stupid pig. SANTA CRUZ CALIFORNIA, HELLLOOOOOOOOOOOOO CUNTVILLE!! And all your fucked up family and friends that support you in your fucked up using way of life, too!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA
Can see you other Anonys too, silly gooses.
***Edit: Oh, and yeah, Anony???? Remember how we can see who visits our blog??? Well, um, yeah, we can also see where you are commenting from, you stupid pig. SANTA CRUZ CALIFORNIA, HELLLOOOOOOOOOOOOO CUNTVILLE!! And all your fucked up family and friends that support you in your fucked up using way of life, too!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA
Can see you other Anonys too, silly gooses.
Friday, March 23, 2012
My Coin Toss
When you are struggling to make a tough or confusing decision, toss a coin in the air. It's not that the coin will make the decision for you, it's that, in the second that the coin is in the air, you will know without a doubt which side you want it to land on, what it is that you want most in your heart.
There are many different variances on the above quote, but that is mine. I don't know why it's been so hard for me to just do what makes me feel good in this life. I've always put others wants, needs and happiness before my own, by my own choice. I thought that was what I was supposed to do. Besides, I've always had something sad inside of me, something that made me believe I was damaged in some intrinsic way, and that I was actually incapable of feeling true happiness. Not a pity party type of feeling, it was always just.....there. So I lived my life the way I thought I was "supposed" to live it, for 43 years.
I have never been happy with myself as a person. Never. Not for one minute. I've spent my whole life searching and struggling, trying to figure out why I couldn't just be the better, nicer, more giving, happier, just honestly better person inside. I tried everything I could think of to make myself feel "normal" inside. But I still was always lacking something inside. I was still always disappointed and disgusted with the person I really was.
I've tried people, hobbies, activities, research and reading self help books, religion, risky behavior, thrill seeking, positive self talk, making promises to myself that I would just "be better".....but none of that ever helped. All the self talk and just deciding to be a better person, no matter how I went about it or how dedicated I was, none of it REALLY worked inside. Inside I was still, me.
People around me have suffered because of my feelings about myself. I've either treated them too good and spoiled them to reality in ways, or I've taken my disappointment and frustration with myself out on them. Everyone close to me has paid the price for my inadequacies and unhappiness. Mister Wonderful, both of my dear sweet Papooses, The Real Deal, my mother when she was alive, friends.......which of course in turn made me hate myself all the more.
I was just so confused and befuddled. How the fuck does a person live like that for 43 years without figuring out SOME way to fix themselves??? I honestly don't know, but I did it.
You all know the dark times, pain and struggle I have gone through over the last several months, nay years.
There was one point, during the whole Mister Wonderful/The Cunt fiasco where I truly thought I was at the absolute worst of the worst in my life, the deepest abyss imaginable.
I was wrong.
Something happened this past weekend that shook me to the core of my very being, and made any thought of the future literally draw nothing but a blank black wall, no matter how I tried to get around it and force my thoughts through to find a different path.
The hours that passed while my coin was in the air were the most terrifying of my life. During that time, I truly and without a doubt knew, just KNEW in my heart and soul which side I wanted the coin to land on. And everything went quiet inside.
I take this particular event as a blessing. As shocking and painful and unbelievable as it was, it was a blessing. It was the wake up call that I evidently needed to get my mind right and finally make crystal clear what my priorities are and what I truly want in life. It was the sharpest blow that could have ever happened, and it was a blessing.
My mind is clear. My heart is clear and honest. I am more serene, honestly serene and content inside my skin, than I have ever been in my life. It's not a phase, I truly am a different person inside. It is an absolute miracle.
I never thought I would be capable or deserving of feeling this inner peace, this happiness with self and contentment with where I am in life and where I'm going. I had no idea I was capable.
So this is how it feels to be happy, truly happy, within oneself.
All the unease, pain, insecurity, frustration, confusion, guilt, yearning and self loathing that I've lived with for as long as I can remember is just..............gone. This earth shattering thing that happened was the slap in the face, the lesson in humility, heart wrenching reality of losing what you just now realized is, without any shred of a doubt, the most important thing that has ever been in your life......this, this wicked painful awful thing, is what I needed, after all, to grow up, for everything to just, balance.
A calm sea. A soft tongue and gentle heart. A smiling face. A content and happy mind at night when I lay my head on the pillow. A crystal clear vision of what I really want out of the future. The absolute undeniable knowledge of what I want more than anything in the world, what is most important to me. Patience and empathy for everyone around me. Patience and love for myself. These are the things that the horrible thing brought to me. So it was a blessing.
I am no longer The Angry Squaw. That person has finally given in to the better person that has always been inside of me. The one that I just had no clue how to bring out on my own, so I trod hard on life, fighting everything every step of the way, not knowing what I wanted or how to get it.
Anyhow, all this rambling is just a fuzzy attempt at explaining the things that have come out of my dark place, my dark places and times.
I am happy. I like me. And that, my friends, is all that matters to me anymore.
Have a wonderful weekend all.
Thanks for reading my words all these months.
There are many different variances on the above quote, but that is mine. I don't know why it's been so hard for me to just do what makes me feel good in this life. I've always put others wants, needs and happiness before my own, by my own choice. I thought that was what I was supposed to do. Besides, I've always had something sad inside of me, something that made me believe I was damaged in some intrinsic way, and that I was actually incapable of feeling true happiness. Not a pity party type of feeling, it was always just.....there. So I lived my life the way I thought I was "supposed" to live it, for 43 years.
I have never been happy with myself as a person. Never. Not for one minute. I've spent my whole life searching and struggling, trying to figure out why I couldn't just be the better, nicer, more giving, happier, just honestly better person inside. I tried everything I could think of to make myself feel "normal" inside. But I still was always lacking something inside. I was still always disappointed and disgusted with the person I really was.
I've tried people, hobbies, activities, research and reading self help books, religion, risky behavior, thrill seeking, positive self talk, making promises to myself that I would just "be better".....but none of that ever helped. All the self talk and just deciding to be a better person, no matter how I went about it or how dedicated I was, none of it REALLY worked inside. Inside I was still, me.
People around me have suffered because of my feelings about myself. I've either treated them too good and spoiled them to reality in ways, or I've taken my disappointment and frustration with myself out on them. Everyone close to me has paid the price for my inadequacies and unhappiness. Mister Wonderful, both of my dear sweet Papooses, The Real Deal, my mother when she was alive, friends.......which of course in turn made me hate myself all the more.
I was just so confused and befuddled. How the fuck does a person live like that for 43 years without figuring out SOME way to fix themselves??? I honestly don't know, but I did it.
You all know the dark times, pain and struggle I have gone through over the last several months, nay years.
There was one point, during the whole Mister Wonderful/The Cunt fiasco where I truly thought I was at the absolute worst of the worst in my life, the deepest abyss imaginable.
I was wrong.
Something happened this past weekend that shook me to the core of my very being, and made any thought of the future literally draw nothing but a blank black wall, no matter how I tried to get around it and force my thoughts through to find a different path.
The hours that passed while my coin was in the air were the most terrifying of my life. During that time, I truly and without a doubt knew, just KNEW in my heart and soul which side I wanted the coin to land on. And everything went quiet inside.
I take this particular event as a blessing. As shocking and painful and unbelievable as it was, it was a blessing. It was the wake up call that I evidently needed to get my mind right and finally make crystal clear what my priorities are and what I truly want in life. It was the sharpest blow that could have ever happened, and it was a blessing.
My mind is clear. My heart is clear and honest. I am more serene, honestly serene and content inside my skin, than I have ever been in my life. It's not a phase, I truly am a different person inside. It is an absolute miracle.
I never thought I would be capable or deserving of feeling this inner peace, this happiness with self and contentment with where I am in life and where I'm going. I had no idea I was capable.
So this is how it feels to be happy, truly happy, within oneself.
All the unease, pain, insecurity, frustration, confusion, guilt, yearning and self loathing that I've lived with for as long as I can remember is just..............gone. This earth shattering thing that happened was the slap in the face, the lesson in humility, heart wrenching reality of losing what you just now realized is, without any shred of a doubt, the most important thing that has ever been in your life......this, this wicked painful awful thing, is what I needed, after all, to grow up, for everything to just, balance.
A calm sea. A soft tongue and gentle heart. A smiling face. A content and happy mind at night when I lay my head on the pillow. A crystal clear vision of what I really want out of the future. The absolute undeniable knowledge of what I want more than anything in the world, what is most important to me. Patience and empathy for everyone around me. Patience and love for myself. These are the things that the horrible thing brought to me. So it was a blessing.
I am no longer The Angry Squaw. That person has finally given in to the better person that has always been inside of me. The one that I just had no clue how to bring out on my own, so I trod hard on life, fighting everything every step of the way, not knowing what I wanted or how to get it.
Anyhow, all this rambling is just a fuzzy attempt at explaining the things that have come out of my dark place, my dark places and times.
I am happy. I like me. And that, my friends, is all that matters to me anymore.
Have a wonderful weekend all.
Thanks for reading my words all these months.
Friday, March 16, 2012
Phone Brought Back Into Custody
Damn thing made a good run for it, but didn't quite get away from me. Remember I forgot I had put my phone on top of the jalopy while I pulled stray dogs out of there? Phone was missing all day Wednesday, then after I picked Papoose #2 up from the trainers that night, we went and walked the highway where come to find out, Papoose #2 "thought she saw something fly off the car" but failed to mention it at the time :-/ and low and behold, we found the bastard!!! The battery had been nearly dead even the night before, but it hung on long enough to light the screen up when Papoose #2 called it. Ringer was off but it lit up where she spotted it in the long grass on the side of the highway. The cheapo hand me down cover I had on it actually saved the phone. Not a scratch on the phone, screen wasn't cracked or shattered. The cover has such bad road rash on it that it's nearly worn through in spots, but it did it's job. Hurray for the two for a dollar phone cases Papoose #1 ordered from China or somewhere a couple years ago, then handed down to Papoose #2 who then handed it down to me when she got a new, cuter case. It's ugly as sin, but obviously works!!
Bought a new alarm clock last night, since mine refuses to work anymore. I hate the new one.
Did buy some new face primer while I was at the store last night, and I think I'm really going to like it. The new Revlon Photoready Primer. I was going to get the Loreal one I usually buy, saw this other one, looked up the reviews on one vs the other on my handy dandy smart phone and opted to try the Revlon one. So far, me likey.
Aren't we spoiled, having so much at our fingertips at all times with these phones and computers? We really are. Not always a good thing, but not always a bad thing either.
There are a few people that don't speak to me around this joint anymore. I wonder why? Oh well. Life goes on.
The drama and pain of these past weeks has really taken a toll on me. I'm exhausted. I can't wait to catch up on a little stress free, tear free rest this weekend. Have horse stuff all day tomorrow, but Sunday is looking promising.
Everything has been quite pleasant this week at the tepee. It's been sort of twilight zoney, but pleasant nonetheless. Like having my old comfortable routine back. Next week it's back to my cottage and the long ass drive to and from work. The gas is killing me, but it is what it is. I'll be back on the schedule for a few hours next week at Job #2, hopefully that will help make up for some of the gas money I'm burning up living down there.
I miss The Real Deal. He has been keeping busy while I've been gone though. Spending 16 hour days at both locations, trying to keep everyone pulling their weight. Working his ass off. He's damn good at what he does.
I still fail to see the attraction to pop tarts or energy drinks. Bleh.
Gotta get some work done now.
Have a great weekend, all.
Bought a new alarm clock last night, since mine refuses to work anymore. I hate the new one.
Did buy some new face primer while I was at the store last night, and I think I'm really going to like it. The new Revlon Photoready Primer. I was going to get the Loreal one I usually buy, saw this other one, looked up the reviews on one vs the other on my handy dandy smart phone and opted to try the Revlon one. So far, me likey.
Aren't we spoiled, having so much at our fingertips at all times with these phones and computers? We really are. Not always a good thing, but not always a bad thing either.
There are a few people that don't speak to me around this joint anymore. I wonder why? Oh well. Life goes on.
The drama and pain of these past weeks has really taken a toll on me. I'm exhausted. I can't wait to catch up on a little stress free, tear free rest this weekend. Have horse stuff all day tomorrow, but Sunday is looking promising.
Everything has been quite pleasant this week at the tepee. It's been sort of twilight zoney, but pleasant nonetheless. Like having my old comfortable routine back. Next week it's back to my cottage and the long ass drive to and from work. The gas is killing me, but it is what it is. I'll be back on the schedule for a few hours next week at Job #2, hopefully that will help make up for some of the gas money I'm burning up living down there.
I miss The Real Deal. He has been keeping busy while I've been gone though. Spending 16 hour days at both locations, trying to keep everyone pulling their weight. Working his ass off. He's damn good at what he does.
I still fail to see the attraction to pop tarts or energy drinks. Bleh.
Gotta get some work done now.
Have a great weekend, all.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
“There is neither happiness nor unhappiness in this world; there is only the comparison of one state with another. Only a man who has felt ultimate despair is capable of feeling ultimate bliss. It is necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live…the sum of all human wisdom will be contained in these two words: Wait and Hope.”
- Alexandre Dumas
- Alexandre Dumas
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
I Have A Pointy Chin
So The Real Deal had me take the night off from Job #2 last night so that I wouldn't have to ask Mister Wonderful to pick Papoose #2 up from the trainers again, because he got so livid with me when I had to ask him to Monday night.
Papoose #2 put in her request for dinner and while I was cooking there was a knock at the door. Papoose #2 opens it and there stand two of our neighbor kids, holding two little poodle/shit tzu looking mix dogs. Cute friendly little dogs. They were asking if we knew who the dogs belonged to, we did not, Papoose #2 said she would go walking with them around the hood to see if they could figure out who the dogs belong to. Now, our road is a notorious dump spot for dogs, so I knew the story before the kids ever got back to the house. I knew they didn't belong to anyone in our area.
I look out the kitchen window, and Papoose #2 has them in the yard feeding them. Uh, yeah. Now they won't leave. VERY cute and VERY friendly little things, BUT..........
They ran around outside all around the house, chasing cats and barking their fool heads off ALL NIGHT LONG. None of us got any sleep at all. Then my alarm didn't go off, so Papoose #2 comes in and wakes me up from my whopping 45 minutes of sleep I finally managed to get and we are running around the house getting ready so we won't be late to the trainers and work. We get ready in record time and run out and load up in the car. While I'm putting my purse and lunch bag in the back seat, the two little furball strays jump in my car. So I had my phone in my hand and sat it on top of the car while I drag the two filthy muddy little things out of the jalopy. You see where this is going???
Yeah, we were in such a hurry that I forgot my cell on top of the car. I got all the way to the trainers before I realized it. Drove back slowly retracing where we'd been, hoping to see it on the side of the road somewhere or something, but no such luck. It's gone. To top it off, even if I HAD the $100.00 for the deductible on my insurance, I will be dropped from the insurance because I've already used it within the last 12 months when my phone had a brain fart and died late last year. So yeah, I'm none too happy with those little bastard dogs, and SOMETHING better happen where they aren't at the house tonight, because no amount of cute and sweet is going to make up for me not getting any sleep all night and then being without a phone for God knows how long because I don't have the money to buy a new one!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..........
I work Job #2 tonight. Actually looking forward to that. I had fun Monday night with the crew that showed up to play.
We have another parade this Saturday, for St. Patrick's Day. I have no idea where it is at. I've been so out of it with all the MW/TC drama, pain and mess that I've lost all track of my real life. I haven't driven my horse since the show in January, so this could prove to be, ummm, eventful.
Papoose #2 is riding and working with thirty thousand dollar horses on a daily basis. That is pretty mind boggling, isn't it? To think that so many people can't afford to pay their rent, and other people buy things like cutting horses for a hobby and can afford to pay 30-50k cash for them? Astounding. Nice fucking horses though, I'll tell you what. Whooooeeeee are they ever nice.
I was taking the trash out at The Real Deals place weekend before last, after dark, and I didn't see a hose that was in the grass, tangled my foot up in it, tripped and fell and smacked my chin on the only piece of wood in the whole yard. Split my chin open and chipped the bone in my chin. The knot from it is still there. I wonder if that will ever go away, or if I'm going to have a deformed chin from now on?
It's funny how differently people treat you, based on how you look. I've been heavy and I've been thin, and it is amazing the dramatic difference in how people treat me, depending on where I'm at with that. As a matter of fact, I've experienced guys wanting to "be my friend" when I am thin, but stopped talking to me when I put some weight on. I'm so grateful I'm getting rid of the extra weight I had put on over the past months. I feel so much better, getting back to normal. Now I just have to get back to working out. Get off my lazy ass.
Well, I'm done boring the three people that read this thing now.
Getting back to work now.
Take care of yourselves, all.
Papoose #2 put in her request for dinner and while I was cooking there was a knock at the door. Papoose #2 opens it and there stand two of our neighbor kids, holding two little poodle/shit tzu looking mix dogs. Cute friendly little dogs. They were asking if we knew who the dogs belonged to, we did not, Papoose #2 said she would go walking with them around the hood to see if they could figure out who the dogs belong to. Now, our road is a notorious dump spot for dogs, so I knew the story before the kids ever got back to the house. I knew they didn't belong to anyone in our area.
I look out the kitchen window, and Papoose #2 has them in the yard feeding them. Uh, yeah. Now they won't leave. VERY cute and VERY friendly little things, BUT..........
They ran around outside all around the house, chasing cats and barking their fool heads off ALL NIGHT LONG. None of us got any sleep at all. Then my alarm didn't go off, so Papoose #2 comes in and wakes me up from my whopping 45 minutes of sleep I finally managed to get and we are running around the house getting ready so we won't be late to the trainers and work. We get ready in record time and run out and load up in the car. While I'm putting my purse and lunch bag in the back seat, the two little furball strays jump in my car. So I had my phone in my hand and sat it on top of the car while I drag the two filthy muddy little things out of the jalopy. You see where this is going???
Yeah, we were in such a hurry that I forgot my cell on top of the car. I got all the way to the trainers before I realized it. Drove back slowly retracing where we'd been, hoping to see it on the side of the road somewhere or something, but no such luck. It's gone. To top it off, even if I HAD the $100.00 for the deductible on my insurance, I will be dropped from the insurance because I've already used it within the last 12 months when my phone had a brain fart and died late last year. So yeah, I'm none too happy with those little bastard dogs, and SOMETHING better happen where they aren't at the house tonight, because no amount of cute and sweet is going to make up for me not getting any sleep all night and then being without a phone for God knows how long because I don't have the money to buy a new one!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..........
I work Job #2 tonight. Actually looking forward to that. I had fun Monday night with the crew that showed up to play.
We have another parade this Saturday, for St. Patrick's Day. I have no idea where it is at. I've been so out of it with all the MW/TC drama, pain and mess that I've lost all track of my real life. I haven't driven my horse since the show in January, so this could prove to be, ummm, eventful.
Papoose #2 is riding and working with thirty thousand dollar horses on a daily basis. That is pretty mind boggling, isn't it? To think that so many people can't afford to pay their rent, and other people buy things like cutting horses for a hobby and can afford to pay 30-50k cash for them? Astounding. Nice fucking horses though, I'll tell you what. Whooooeeeee are they ever nice.
I was taking the trash out at The Real Deals place weekend before last, after dark, and I didn't see a hose that was in the grass, tangled my foot up in it, tripped and fell and smacked my chin on the only piece of wood in the whole yard. Split my chin open and chipped the bone in my chin. The knot from it is still there. I wonder if that will ever go away, or if I'm going to have a deformed chin from now on?
It's funny how differently people treat you, based on how you look. I've been heavy and I've been thin, and it is amazing the dramatic difference in how people treat me, depending on where I'm at with that. As a matter of fact, I've experienced guys wanting to "be my friend" when I am thin, but stopped talking to me when I put some weight on. I'm so grateful I'm getting rid of the extra weight I had put on over the past months. I feel so much better, getting back to normal. Now I just have to get back to working out. Get off my lazy ass.
Well, I'm done boring the three people that read this thing now.
Getting back to work now.
Take care of yourselves, all.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Tuesday Stuff
Papoose #2 had a FANTASTIC first day with the horse trainer she's interning with yesterday. She was so excited, she couldn't even get all the stories out of her mouth in a straight line, it was wonderful to listen to her!! She is meeting incredible people and will have so many new doors opened for her, opportunities that most people never see. I am beyond happy and excited for her. She's tacking up, warming up, cooling down, bathing, grooming, and working horses for him. She will end up helping to train. Plus, she is learning to ride cutting horses for him as he trains them, she will also be learning the mounted shooting competitions and so many other things. He and his mother (partners) really like her and have sort of adopted her, turning her into more of a protege and part of the family, rather than just an intern, which is just fine by this old cranky Squaw!!!!
My medicine keeps me from being able to sleep at night. I have to take it twice a day. I've been taking it around 8am and 3pm, knowing if I take the last dose too late it will keep me up. But now that I'm STILL not getting any sleep, I think I need to move the last dose even earlier, and I'm afraid of how that will affect my evenings, will it last or what? Idk. I guess I'll try it out for a week and see if I can get some rest. It's odd the way it effects me. I lay there exhausted, but incredibly clear headed and cannot doze off. The best I do is that half sleep thing where you're still aware of everything around you, every sound and movement etc. Then when I do finally doze off a little deeper, I have horrific nightmares. So. Hmmm.
I had to ask Mister Wonderful if he would mind picking Papoose #2 up from the trainers last night, since she had to stay there later than expected and I had to be to Job #2 by 6pm. He exploded on me about it and told me how much he hated me and on and on. It shocked me, was totally out of the blue. I guess he is hurting from the realization of what a mess he caused of his life by running us all through the ringer because of his 'true love' with The Cunt, and then she turned out to be a major piece of shit and nothing like the true love perfect soul mate he thought she was going to be, so he is taking that out on me through his hatred. Whatever you need to do buddy. Nothing I can do about it. Surely not going to kiss your ass to try to make you like me. I'm just going to go on being me and let the chips fall where they may.
Had an absolute blast at Job #2 last night. It was one of the poker tournament nights and the first one I've worked. The Real Deal and I tag teamed it and it went off without a hitch. So fun. Good to see TRD too, since we don't really see much of each other anymore. Good times. And got some hours on the old paycheck, too. Can't complain about that combo!!!!
Well, I really don't have much to say. Well, I DO, but since I have all my new prying eyes, I have to be a bit less candid in my postings for now. Not forever, just for now, out of respect for some, and for my own privacy for other reasons.
Have a great day all.
My medicine keeps me from being able to sleep at night. I have to take it twice a day. I've been taking it around 8am and 3pm, knowing if I take the last dose too late it will keep me up. But now that I'm STILL not getting any sleep, I think I need to move the last dose even earlier, and I'm afraid of how that will affect my evenings, will it last or what? Idk. I guess I'll try it out for a week and see if I can get some rest. It's odd the way it effects me. I lay there exhausted, but incredibly clear headed and cannot doze off. The best I do is that half sleep thing where you're still aware of everything around you, every sound and movement etc. Then when I do finally doze off a little deeper, I have horrific nightmares. So. Hmmm.
I had to ask Mister Wonderful if he would mind picking Papoose #2 up from the trainers last night, since she had to stay there later than expected and I had to be to Job #2 by 6pm. He exploded on me about it and told me how much he hated me and on and on. It shocked me, was totally out of the blue. I guess he is hurting from the realization of what a mess he caused of his life by running us all through the ringer because of his 'true love' with The Cunt, and then she turned out to be a major piece of shit and nothing like the true love perfect soul mate he thought she was going to be, so he is taking that out on me through his hatred. Whatever you need to do buddy. Nothing I can do about it. Surely not going to kiss your ass to try to make you like me. I'm just going to go on being me and let the chips fall where they may.
Had an absolute blast at Job #2 last night. It was one of the poker tournament nights and the first one I've worked. The Real Deal and I tag teamed it and it went off without a hitch. So fun. Good to see TRD too, since we don't really see much of each other anymore. Good times. And got some hours on the old paycheck, too. Can't complain about that combo!!!!
Well, I really don't have much to say. Well, I DO, but since I have all my new prying eyes, I have to be a bit less candid in my postings for now. Not forever, just for now, out of respect for some, and for my own privacy for other reasons.
Have a great day all.
Monday, March 12, 2012
Did We Even HAVE A Weekend????
I sat down at my desk this morning and thought to myself "What the hell am I doing here again already?" It really doesn't feel like I had a weekend at all, and there is really no reason for it. I mean, I didn't even DO anything of consequence all day yesterday, so it's not like I was so rushed that my weekend was stolen or anything. Idk, I guess it's just because my brain is still in a daze from all the things that have happened over the past few months.
I feel like I'm fighting my way out of a cave of cobwebs. But at least I'm feeling like my head is somewhat in working order now. Starting to be, anyhow.
So Mister Wonderful didn't end up going to California to see The Cunt for his vacation after all.
He brought her here.
Yep. For some reason he didn't think that Papoose #2 and I would figure out what he was up to. She flew in Monday March 5th. Mister Wonderful didn't intend to tell either Papoose #2 or I that she was here, or that he would not be at the house with Papoose #2 for SEVEN DAYS. I knew by instinct exactly what was up on Monday before she even got here. Yeah, once it all came out and I was asking him what the hell he was thinking, planning to just move out on our daughter for the seven days his whore was here, he said "Well, she's always busy and has stuff going on, she won't even notice I'm not here" WHAT THE FUCK??????????????????? Yeah, I told him "You've got about 10 minutes to tell her, or I will". He told her that The Cunt was here for a whole week so they could enjoy each other and make sure that what they feel really is love and that they really do want to live together and be together forever.
However, this was Tuesday afternoon he told her all this. He had just picked TC up at 330 the day before. He was ALREADY going nuts from being with her. He stayed at the house with me all day Tuesday, after showing up at 6 am after spending the night with TC. I had gone over to stay with Papoose #2 at the house once I figured out what he was up to Monday night and that he didn't intend to be home with our daughter all week. He told me everything about what had been going on for months with them long distance, everything about what happened between them when she was living here in our home, everything about how he realized what a colossal mistake he had made by ever hooking up with her and continuing this whole 'romance' and bringing her back out here. It was quite interesting.
Evidently, he learned that she was everything I told him she was, and then some. She drove him batshit crazy. And he had SEVEN GLORIOUS DAYS OF HER COMPANY staring him in the face. It was all he could do to leave Papoose #2 and I at the house and go back down to his buddys house where he had her holed up. But go he did. He said that this was his mess he created, and he had to be the one to clean it up.
Then Thursday MW and I were supposed to go to Papoose #2's track meet. This was a big thing, because with the hours he works he never gets to see her run, so being on vacation this was his one chance to see her run. Well, TC spent the whole day telling him hopefully it will rain so he wouldn't go to his daughters meet, and could stay there with her. Yeah, that sat well with him. Not.
Anyhow, it was a nightmare of an emotional week for all of us, and the bitch finally took off and ran away early. Left out on Saturday instead of waiting for her scheduled return flight this evening. MW had taken her to Dallas for a romantic fun filled tourist day Friday, then took her out partying with his buddies over there Friday night. The problem with that is, he had given me his word that I didn't need to go to the house that night because he was planning on being there by 7pm at the latest to spend the evening with Papoose #2. So yeah, he blew her off and didn't call or show up. I had gone ahead and headed over there when I heard from him that they were out drinking with his friends. I know him well enough to know he was going to completely blow the kid off. And he did. Well, until midnight that is. He rolled up sometime between 11 and midnight finally, but only after I raised three kinds of hell with both he AND The Cunt via text, and a call or two he FINALLY picked up and answered later on that night.
So, I was a total bitch and messed up their night, nay their whole week, by not giving MW any time to really 'explore his feelings for her' but I really don't regret it. That bitch would have been a cancer to him and this whole family, had he thought there was ANY chance he wanted to be with her. But he knew better than that after less than 24 hours with the crazy cunt!!!!! Hell, he barely made 12 hours straight with her before he was ready to bail, and part of those were spent sleeping!!!!!
So he showed up Friday night around midnight, built us a fire in the fireplace after he got over wanting to kill me for being such a bitch and driving him insane all night, and everyone crashed out. The next morning I took Papoose #2 to the church, where they had some painting and things to do with the youth group. Then I headed on home to the cottage. Mister Wonderful would not answer any of my texts or calls all day Saturday and most of the day Sunday. I needed to talk to him about the plans for Papoose #2 and I this week, since she's on spring break. Finally he answered the phone with a "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?????" So of course, instead of being an adult and ignoring that and going on with the conversation I had intended to have, I lashed out and started pushing his buttons. Wrong, I know, but I had zero self control, so shoot me. Anyhow, it comes out in his yelling and cussing that no, he was not with TC, that in fact he was at the house. I'm like YOU BETTER NOT HAVE THAT WHORE IN OUR HOUSE to which he replied with some pretty detailed sexual descriptions of what they were actually doing right then in my house........before telling me "Actually, I have no fucking idea where Molly is. She took off".
Imagine my surprise :-D
Evidently, between the bashing I gave her Friday night, the fact that I let her know exactly how everyone, INCLUDING MW felt about her, and the texts that I found out Papoose #2 had sent her Saturday morning, telling her exactly how she felt about her and what she has done to our family and lives, Little Miss Worthless decided to high tail it back to the cesspool from whence she came. She woke MW's buddy up Saturday morning and asked him to take her to the airport. He loaded her up, took her to the airport, dumped her off and drove all the way home before he even bothered to let MW know the bitch was gone. That's how bad she was driving his buddy nuts too, evidently. Not even a call was made to warn MW she was running away, the buddy wanted her out so bad. Yeah, she makes friends and wins people over everywhere she goes, that one!!!!
So MW got to have at least the one weekend of his vacation to relax and play video games and not be driven insane by a clingy 43 year old who lives and behaves like a trashy 16 year old.
Of course, he was pissed off at me over it all. It's all my fault etc. But he knows I did him a fucking favor, so he can get over it. And he has gotten over it. Ridiculously quickly, actually. He REALLY didn't like her once he was with her constantly and it wasn't the naughty sneaking behind The Squaws back thing and it was actually in person and not on the phone or text. I mean he REALLLLLLLLLLLY didn't like her. Haha.
I really actually felt bad for him all week, hearing him complain, because I know the man, after all these years together, and I know how she is, and I KNEW what kind of hell he was in, dealing 24/7 with someone like her. Heeheeeheeeeee.
He didn't have much good to say about her last night while we made dinner etc, thats for sure. Just massively relieved that she's gone.
Hopefully for good.
Now maybe we can get on with our divorce and our family can heal and learn how to be ok with the new dynamics of it all............
I hope the bastard didn't catch anything.........
I feel like I'm fighting my way out of a cave of cobwebs. But at least I'm feeling like my head is somewhat in working order now. Starting to be, anyhow.
So Mister Wonderful didn't end up going to California to see The Cunt for his vacation after all.
He brought her here.
Yep. For some reason he didn't think that Papoose #2 and I would figure out what he was up to. She flew in Monday March 5th. Mister Wonderful didn't intend to tell either Papoose #2 or I that she was here, or that he would not be at the house with Papoose #2 for SEVEN DAYS. I knew by instinct exactly what was up on Monday before she even got here. Yeah, once it all came out and I was asking him what the hell he was thinking, planning to just move out on our daughter for the seven days his whore was here, he said "Well, she's always busy and has stuff going on, she won't even notice I'm not here" WHAT THE FUCK??????????????????? Yeah, I told him "You've got about 10 minutes to tell her, or I will". He told her that The Cunt was here for a whole week so they could enjoy each other and make sure that what they feel really is love and that they really do want to live together and be together forever.
However, this was Tuesday afternoon he told her all this. He had just picked TC up at 330 the day before. He was ALREADY going nuts from being with her. He stayed at the house with me all day Tuesday, after showing up at 6 am after spending the night with TC. I had gone over to stay with Papoose #2 at the house once I figured out what he was up to Monday night and that he didn't intend to be home with our daughter all week. He told me everything about what had been going on for months with them long distance, everything about what happened between them when she was living here in our home, everything about how he realized what a colossal mistake he had made by ever hooking up with her and continuing this whole 'romance' and bringing her back out here. It was quite interesting.
Evidently, he learned that she was everything I told him she was, and then some. She drove him batshit crazy. And he had SEVEN GLORIOUS DAYS OF HER COMPANY staring him in the face. It was all he could do to leave Papoose #2 and I at the house and go back down to his buddys house where he had her holed up. But go he did. He said that this was his mess he created, and he had to be the one to clean it up.
Then Thursday MW and I were supposed to go to Papoose #2's track meet. This was a big thing, because with the hours he works he never gets to see her run, so being on vacation this was his one chance to see her run. Well, TC spent the whole day telling him hopefully it will rain so he wouldn't go to his daughters meet, and could stay there with her. Yeah, that sat well with him. Not.
Anyhow, it was a nightmare of an emotional week for all of us, and the bitch finally took off and ran away early. Left out on Saturday instead of waiting for her scheduled return flight this evening. MW had taken her to Dallas for a romantic fun filled tourist day Friday, then took her out partying with his buddies over there Friday night. The problem with that is, he had given me his word that I didn't need to go to the house that night because he was planning on being there by 7pm at the latest to spend the evening with Papoose #2. So yeah, he blew her off and didn't call or show up. I had gone ahead and headed over there when I heard from him that they were out drinking with his friends. I know him well enough to know he was going to completely blow the kid off. And he did. Well, until midnight that is. He rolled up sometime between 11 and midnight finally, but only after I raised three kinds of hell with both he AND The Cunt via text, and a call or two he FINALLY picked up and answered later on that night.
So, I was a total bitch and messed up their night, nay their whole week, by not giving MW any time to really 'explore his feelings for her' but I really don't regret it. That bitch would have been a cancer to him and this whole family, had he thought there was ANY chance he wanted to be with her. But he knew better than that after less than 24 hours with the crazy cunt!!!!! Hell, he barely made 12 hours straight with her before he was ready to bail, and part of those were spent sleeping!!!!!
So he showed up Friday night around midnight, built us a fire in the fireplace after he got over wanting to kill me for being such a bitch and driving him insane all night, and everyone crashed out. The next morning I took Papoose #2 to the church, where they had some painting and things to do with the youth group. Then I headed on home to the cottage. Mister Wonderful would not answer any of my texts or calls all day Saturday and most of the day Sunday. I needed to talk to him about the plans for Papoose #2 and I this week, since she's on spring break. Finally he answered the phone with a "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?????" So of course, instead of being an adult and ignoring that and going on with the conversation I had intended to have, I lashed out and started pushing his buttons. Wrong, I know, but I had zero self control, so shoot me. Anyhow, it comes out in his yelling and cussing that no, he was not with TC, that in fact he was at the house. I'm like YOU BETTER NOT HAVE THAT WHORE IN OUR HOUSE to which he replied with some pretty detailed sexual descriptions of what they were actually doing right then in my house........before telling me "Actually, I have no fucking idea where Molly is. She took off".
Imagine my surprise :-D
Evidently, between the bashing I gave her Friday night, the fact that I let her know exactly how everyone, INCLUDING MW felt about her, and the texts that I found out Papoose #2 had sent her Saturday morning, telling her exactly how she felt about her and what she has done to our family and lives, Little Miss Worthless decided to high tail it back to the cesspool from whence she came. She woke MW's buddy up Saturday morning and asked him to take her to the airport. He loaded her up, took her to the airport, dumped her off and drove all the way home before he even bothered to let MW know the bitch was gone. That's how bad she was driving his buddy nuts too, evidently. Not even a call was made to warn MW she was running away, the buddy wanted her out so bad. Yeah, she makes friends and wins people over everywhere she goes, that one!!!!
So MW got to have at least the one weekend of his vacation to relax and play video games and not be driven insane by a clingy 43 year old who lives and behaves like a trashy 16 year old.
Of course, he was pissed off at me over it all. It's all my fault etc. But he knows I did him a fucking favor, so he can get over it. And he has gotten over it. Ridiculously quickly, actually. He REALLY didn't like her once he was with her constantly and it wasn't the naughty sneaking behind The Squaws back thing and it was actually in person and not on the phone or text. I mean he REALLLLLLLLLLLY didn't like her. Haha.
I really actually felt bad for him all week, hearing him complain, because I know the man, after all these years together, and I know how she is, and I KNEW what kind of hell he was in, dealing 24/7 with someone like her. Heeheeeheeeeee.
He didn't have much good to say about her last night while we made dinner etc, thats for sure. Just massively relieved that she's gone.
Hopefully for good.
Now maybe we can get on with our divorce and our family can heal and learn how to be ok with the new dynamics of it all............
I hope the bastard didn't catch anything.........
Friday, March 9, 2012
Finally Fucking Friday
Many times we are wronged or see loved ones wronged, and although we know fully the laws of sowing and reaping, it's not very often we actually get to SEE it happen. I must admit, in this particular case, I'm grabbing the popcorn and enjoying the show. Karma, gotta love it!!!
We have a ton of new opportunities coming to us, falling into our laps, with Job #2. It is incredibly exciting, and it's happening FAST!!! This could be so good for all of us that have been working so hard to make this thing work.
I haven't been able to work at Job #2 for months now, because I've been in the dark place and emotionally and mentally completely unable to do more than put one foot in front of the other and force myself through each day. There was no way I could be trusted to deal with the public. The Real Deal kept me out of it and just wanted me to simplify my life as much as possible to give myself the best chance possible to deal with all of the bad things going on in my life and heal as a person.
He is a dear friend, a good man, and has tried to give me my space while still being supportive. I don't think very many people realize just how sharp a cliff that is to walk for someone watching someone they love going through what I've been going through. He gets many many brownie points for trying so hard, that's for sure. He has paid many prices and taken a lot of shit from me through all of this. I'm lucky he is still here.
But he IS still here, thank God. We may be nothing more than dear friends right now, but that's ok. That's what I need right now, someone I can trust and that will just be there and love me till I navigate my way through all of this.
I think my body is somewhat adjusting to my new meds now. I don't have cotton mouth nearly as bad, and my contacts aren't hurting me as much since my eyes aren't as dry. Fingers crossed.
I absolutely hate the feeling of knowing my dear friend Sherri deals with all the bullshit she deals with, and the enemy she is battling is not one that we can control and beat. That helplessness is the shittiest feeling ever. She is such a strong and incredible woman.
Next week is spring break. Papoose #2 will be starting an internship with and incredibly talented horse trainer near the tepee. I will need to get her there before I come to work at Job #1 and pick her up as soon as I get off every day. It will be a bit hard on me, but she is so freaking excited about it, and it is SUCH an incredible opportunity, that there is no way in this world I would let her miss out on it.
I may end up staying over at the tepee some next week, so my mornings don't have to start quite so early. Still deciding on that.
It feels good to not be feeling the crushing weight on my chest anymore. It has lightened up significantly.
Thank God.
I haven't laid eyes on Papoose #1 for weeks, except for working with her at Job #2 this past Sunday. I felt ready to be out in public, so I toodled the jalopy down there for a breakfast taco first thing in the morning and they got hit with such an incredible rush of people I jumped in to help and ended up working till late that night. Papoose #1 was scheduled in at 5, so in between being incredibly busy, I got to give her a hug and tell her I loved her. That's about all we managed, we were SO slammed all day and night without any letup. Good for business though. Glad to see she's alive and seems happy.
Papoose #1 has always been very artistic, and lately she has been drawing tattoos for people and now is learning to actually tattoo and do piercings. Freaking gross to think of actually doing that, but she is really enjoying it as a hobby so more power to her.
Ok, I'm all tuckered out. Just now getting this brain to reengage and form thoughts that are even semi coherent to anyone outside my head.
Have a good day, all, and remember, always embrace the reality of karma.
We have a ton of new opportunities coming to us, falling into our laps, with Job #2. It is incredibly exciting, and it's happening FAST!!! This could be so good for all of us that have been working so hard to make this thing work.
I haven't been able to work at Job #2 for months now, because I've been in the dark place and emotionally and mentally completely unable to do more than put one foot in front of the other and force myself through each day. There was no way I could be trusted to deal with the public. The Real Deal kept me out of it and just wanted me to simplify my life as much as possible to give myself the best chance possible to deal with all of the bad things going on in my life and heal as a person.
He is a dear friend, a good man, and has tried to give me my space while still being supportive. I don't think very many people realize just how sharp a cliff that is to walk for someone watching someone they love going through what I've been going through. He gets many many brownie points for trying so hard, that's for sure. He has paid many prices and taken a lot of shit from me through all of this. I'm lucky he is still here.
But he IS still here, thank God. We may be nothing more than dear friends right now, but that's ok. That's what I need right now, someone I can trust and that will just be there and love me till I navigate my way through all of this.
I think my body is somewhat adjusting to my new meds now. I don't have cotton mouth nearly as bad, and my contacts aren't hurting me as much since my eyes aren't as dry. Fingers crossed.
I absolutely hate the feeling of knowing my dear friend Sherri deals with all the bullshit she deals with, and the enemy she is battling is not one that we can control and beat. That helplessness is the shittiest feeling ever. She is such a strong and incredible woman.
Next week is spring break. Papoose #2 will be starting an internship with and incredibly talented horse trainer near the tepee. I will need to get her there before I come to work at Job #1 and pick her up as soon as I get off every day. It will be a bit hard on me, but she is so freaking excited about it, and it is SUCH an incredible opportunity, that there is no way in this world I would let her miss out on it.
I may end up staying over at the tepee some next week, so my mornings don't have to start quite so early. Still deciding on that.
It feels good to not be feeling the crushing weight on my chest anymore. It has lightened up significantly.
Thank God.
I haven't laid eyes on Papoose #1 for weeks, except for working with her at Job #2 this past Sunday. I felt ready to be out in public, so I toodled the jalopy down there for a breakfast taco first thing in the morning and they got hit with such an incredible rush of people I jumped in to help and ended up working till late that night. Papoose #1 was scheduled in at 5, so in between being incredibly busy, I got to give her a hug and tell her I loved her. That's about all we managed, we were SO slammed all day and night without any letup. Good for business though. Glad to see she's alive and seems happy.
Papoose #1 has always been very artistic, and lately she has been drawing tattoos for people and now is learning to actually tattoo and do piercings. Freaking gross to think of actually doing that, but she is really enjoying it as a hobby so more power to her.
Ok, I'm all tuckered out. Just now getting this brain to reengage and form thoughts that are even semi coherent to anyone outside my head.
Have a good day, all, and remember, always embrace the reality of karma.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
As The Tepee Turns
I am living proof that a person really can live without a heart inside of them, after it's been ripped out time and time again.
I'm still trying to breath, trying to work through all of the things that have been happening.
I think I'm gonna live.
I'm still trying to breath, trying to work through all of the things that have been happening.
I think I'm gonna live.
Friday, February 24, 2012
Batting Some Thoughts Around
It is a flipping gorgeous day out again today!!!
I'm the only gal in the office today. I totally forgot the other office gal wouldn't be here today, and brought her breakfast. I'm such a goof.
Mister Wonderful is really overwhelmed with all of the fall out he's having to deal with for choosing to hook up with The Cunt. I'm worried about him. But hey, anyone that makes hurtful selfish choices like he and The Cunt did, has to expect to deal with the consequences.
They will never last. There is no way she is worth all this shit to him.
I am picking Papoose #2 up and taking her to lunch today. I am beyond excited!!! Love that kid. She got a first and a second at her track meet yesterday. Yeah, my kid is a beast!!!! So proud of her!!
Papoose #1 and I are having a mommy daughter day out together tomorrow. We will eat somewhere, bum around at some antique shops etc, and maybe roll in somewhere for pedis. We always have fun on our adventures, no matter what we do. So looking forward to it. We live together right now, but our schedules are so opposite, we go days on end without ever actually seeing each other.
MW made me dinner last night. He was a super sweet guy all night. It's so much better for everyone to get along.
I'll be rolling over to the farm to visit my friends and work with the horses. That is one trip that is way overdue!!! I miss them so much!!! Sucks balls living so far away from them now, when I used to be ten minutes away, at the tepee.
MW wants me to drop Gizmo off with him when I go to the farm. He loves that dog.
I need the plugs in my eyes replaced. Eyes are so damn dry, my contacts are killing me. Killing me.
I am so thankful that I'm on the other side of all this bullshit that's been going down in my life lately. The good days are outnumbering the bad days now. Thank God.
The jalopy is in DESPERATE need of an oil change and an alignment. So bad.
I have to go get some work done now.
Have a fabulous weekend, all.
I'm the only gal in the office today. I totally forgot the other office gal wouldn't be here today, and brought her breakfast. I'm such a goof.
Mister Wonderful is really overwhelmed with all of the fall out he's having to deal with for choosing to hook up with The Cunt. I'm worried about him. But hey, anyone that makes hurtful selfish choices like he and The Cunt did, has to expect to deal with the consequences.
They will never last. There is no way she is worth all this shit to him.
I am picking Papoose #2 up and taking her to lunch today. I am beyond excited!!! Love that kid. She got a first and a second at her track meet yesterday. Yeah, my kid is a beast!!!! So proud of her!!
Papoose #1 and I are having a mommy daughter day out together tomorrow. We will eat somewhere, bum around at some antique shops etc, and maybe roll in somewhere for pedis. We always have fun on our adventures, no matter what we do. So looking forward to it. We live together right now, but our schedules are so opposite, we go days on end without ever actually seeing each other.
MW made me dinner last night. He was a super sweet guy all night. It's so much better for everyone to get along.
I'll be rolling over to the farm to visit my friends and work with the horses. That is one trip that is way overdue!!! I miss them so much!!! Sucks balls living so far away from them now, when I used to be ten minutes away, at the tepee.
MW wants me to drop Gizmo off with him when I go to the farm. He loves that dog.
I need the plugs in my eyes replaced. Eyes are so damn dry, my contacts are killing me. Killing me.
I am so thankful that I'm on the other side of all this bullshit that's been going down in my life lately. The good days are outnumbering the bad days now. Thank God.
The jalopy is in DESPERATE need of an oil change and an alignment. So bad.
I have to go get some work done now.
Have a fabulous weekend, all.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
The Tepee
Well, I ended up going out and meeting MW and the realtor.
MW was pleasant the entire time. I was thankful for that.
It kills me to be in the home I worked so hard for, and know I'm losing it, that I'll never live there again.
It kills me to know that MW and The Cunt were together in my home.
It kills me to be there, and it kills me to leave.
I hate feeling this way.
Because of the change in the market today vs back when we bought the tepee, we can only realistically get 33K LESS than we paid for it.
You read that right. We have lost 33K on our home.
We can't even sell it for what we owe on it.
After all the sacrifice and 100 hour work weeks and sleepless nights and tears and everything else.
How did we get here??? What happened???
*crying*
MW was pleasant the entire time. I was thankful for that.
It kills me to be in the home I worked so hard for, and know I'm losing it, that I'll never live there again.
It kills me to know that MW and The Cunt were together in my home.
It kills me to be there, and it kills me to leave.
I hate feeling this way.
Because of the change in the market today vs back when we bought the tepee, we can only realistically get 33K LESS than we paid for it.
You read that right. We have lost 33K on our home.
We can't even sell it for what we owe on it.
After all the sacrifice and 100 hour work weeks and sleepless nights and tears and everything else.
How did we get here??? What happened???
*crying*
Head Games
Papoose #2 is a HUGE Hunger Games fan. She's been reading the books ravenously since they came out. I have read the first one and loved it. There is going to be a fan fest for Hunger Games fans with meet and greet of the cast at the Galleria in Dallas on March 8th. I will be taking my girl there. I'm sure it will be a beating, but it will be so worth it. She was thrilled when I told her about it this morning. Makes a moms heart happy to bring that kind of joy to a childs voice :-)
We are also getting a group of people together to go see the opening night of the movie, I think. That's still developing though.
So, I've been perfectly civil to Mister Wonderful, and he to me, for days now. Then boom, last night in comes a torrent of shitty negative texts from him, literally out of the blue. Talking about things all the way back over 20 years ago.
But also reiterating that he does not feel any guilt whatsoever about hooking up with and supposedly falling in love with Molly The Cunt. Madly in love. Planning on happily ever after together.
Astounding. What am I missing here?
I do believe that I only have a half dozen payments or so left on the jalopy. Good times!!!
The Real Deal wants me to move in with him. This is something I have dreamed of for years. I was shocked at my reaction inside, when he actually said it yesterday though. I was surprised to realize that, with as incredibly bad as I am at being alone, I am not quite ready to give up my own space just yet. This realization took me off guard. Never in a million years would I ever expect to feel that way. I've really got foggy brain going on. No telling what I'll do next, I don't even know me anymore.
So, for now, I'm keeping my own place. Besides, Papoose #2 has decided in no uncertain terms that when and if Mister Wonderful brings The Cunt here to live with him, she is NOT living with them. I can't say as I blame her. I will always have a place for my Papooses to lay their weary heads. Always.
How he can think he is in love with that backstabbing piece of shit of a human being is beyond me. The all consuming attraction of the taboo, I suppose.
MW had scheduled another realtor to meet us at the tepee at 11:30 this morning. I was game to take lunch early and drive out there for him, until those nasty undeserved texts started rolling in last night. Now, I figure he can just handle all that on his own. I've finally come to a point where I am strong enough to refuse being treated badly for no reason. And there was NO reason for the tirade last night. I've been nothing but pleasant to him.
I pray for him every day, that his journey ends in happiness inside. He refuses to admit that he feels any guilt or remorse for anything that has gone on, but he HAS to be dealing with a shit ton of it mentally, whether he admits it or not. The conscience is an unforgiving beast. I hurt for him, behaving like he has, and continues to do.
I intend to keep being the good person that I've been working so hard to be. I get better and better every day, and I refuse to let him make me feel bad about myself ever again. Hate yourself all you want, brother, but keep that cancer away from me thankyouverymuch.
Oh, and gotta send a shout out to my most unwelcome but ever diligent readers:
-HI MOLLY. FUCK YOU YOU WHORE.
-HI SHARON, YES YOUR PRECIOUS NIECE REALLY DID DO THESE HORRIFIC THINGS AND PLANS TO CONTINUE PERPETUATING THE BETRAYAL INDEFINITELY
-HI CARROLL, STILL LETTING THE CUNT PLAY YOU AND LIE TO YOU TOO?? IDIOT.
-HI MISTER WONDERFUL, YOU CONTINUE TO AMAZE ME WITH THE DEPTH OF HATE YOU CAN BRING JUST TO HURT ME
Deep breaths. Just keep being the good person I'm working on being, and everything will be fine in the end.
Today, I choose happiness.
Peace, all.
We are also getting a group of people together to go see the opening night of the movie, I think. That's still developing though.
So, I've been perfectly civil to Mister Wonderful, and he to me, for days now. Then boom, last night in comes a torrent of shitty negative texts from him, literally out of the blue. Talking about things all the way back over 20 years ago.
But also reiterating that he does not feel any guilt whatsoever about hooking up with and supposedly falling in love with Molly The Cunt. Madly in love. Planning on happily ever after together.
Astounding. What am I missing here?
I do believe that I only have a half dozen payments or so left on the jalopy. Good times!!!
The Real Deal wants me to move in with him. This is something I have dreamed of for years. I was shocked at my reaction inside, when he actually said it yesterday though. I was surprised to realize that, with as incredibly bad as I am at being alone, I am not quite ready to give up my own space just yet. This realization took me off guard. Never in a million years would I ever expect to feel that way. I've really got foggy brain going on. No telling what I'll do next, I don't even know me anymore.
So, for now, I'm keeping my own place. Besides, Papoose #2 has decided in no uncertain terms that when and if Mister Wonderful brings The Cunt here to live with him, she is NOT living with them. I can't say as I blame her. I will always have a place for my Papooses to lay their weary heads. Always.
How he can think he is in love with that backstabbing piece of shit of a human being is beyond me. The all consuming attraction of the taboo, I suppose.
MW had scheduled another realtor to meet us at the tepee at 11:30 this morning. I was game to take lunch early and drive out there for him, until those nasty undeserved texts started rolling in last night. Now, I figure he can just handle all that on his own. I've finally come to a point where I am strong enough to refuse being treated badly for no reason. And there was NO reason for the tirade last night. I've been nothing but pleasant to him.
I pray for him every day, that his journey ends in happiness inside. He refuses to admit that he feels any guilt or remorse for anything that has gone on, but he HAS to be dealing with a shit ton of it mentally, whether he admits it or not. The conscience is an unforgiving beast. I hurt for him, behaving like he has, and continues to do.
I intend to keep being the good person that I've been working so hard to be. I get better and better every day, and I refuse to let him make me feel bad about myself ever again. Hate yourself all you want, brother, but keep that cancer away from me thankyouverymuch.
Oh, and gotta send a shout out to my most unwelcome but ever diligent readers:
-HI MOLLY. FUCK YOU YOU WHORE.
-HI SHARON, YES YOUR PRECIOUS NIECE REALLY DID DO THESE HORRIFIC THINGS AND PLANS TO CONTINUE PERPETUATING THE BETRAYAL INDEFINITELY
-HI CARROLL, STILL LETTING THE CUNT PLAY YOU AND LIE TO YOU TOO?? IDIOT.
-HI MISTER WONDERFUL, YOU CONTINUE TO AMAZE ME WITH THE DEPTH OF HATE YOU CAN BRING JUST TO HURT ME
Deep breaths. Just keep being the good person I'm working on being, and everything will be fine in the end.
Today, I choose happiness.
Peace, all.
One Of My All Time Faves, Called To Mind This Fine Day.....
The Skin Horse had lived longer in the nursery than any of the others. He was so old that his brown coat was bald in patches and showed the seams underneath, and most of the hairs in his tail had been pulled out to string bead necklaces. He was wise, for he had seen a long succession of mechanical toys arrive to boast and swagger, and by-and-by break their mainsprings and pass away, and he knew that they were only toys, and would never turn into anything else. For nursery magic is very strange and wonderful, and only those playthings that are old and wise and experienced like the Skin Horse understand all about it.
"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."
"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."
"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."
"I suppose you are real?" said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive.
But the Skin Horse only smiled.
Monday, February 20, 2012
You Know You Had A Fucking Awesome Weekend When
Every part of your body is so sore you can barely move!!! Fuck yeah, cuz that's how I ROLL BABY!!!!
What an absolutely fantastic weekend!!! Nothing in particular happened that would probably seem outstanding to anyone else, but to me, it was greatness!!!
As you all know, The Real Deal and I have had our ups and downs as I have had to navigate all this house, marriage, bestie bullshit. It's been rough for a long time now. No matter if Mister Wonderful and I had an agreement about just living together as roommates till Papoose #2 is graduated and moved out, then selling the house, and in the meantime we do what we do and nobody asks questions.....it is nearly impossible to live in that arrangement and it not be stressful to every person involved. There is always collateral damage. Whatever, we thought we were doing the right thing, and that's over now anyway.
Anyhow, it has been so hard on TRD, watching me go through all of this and not being able to do anything to help me, knowing that I was up there with my family, cooking dinner and watching movies and having a life, and not with him most of the time, etc. Add to that that I would often take my anger, resentments, hurt and frustrations out on him during the few hours we actually had together, and that makes for a strained relationship, to say the least.
Well, I'm on the other side of the hurt with Molly and MW, I've moved past the sadness of losing the home I worked so hard for and loved so much, and I live right across the street from TRD. Saturday morning, what started out working its way into an altercation between TRD and I, which has become habit/the norm, ended with us working through the hurt I've caused him, as well as many other issues that he's not wanted to bring up to me for fear of making things worse or losing me. He is one of the rare men that will actually talk to you about feelings, fears and solutions to anything that comes up. He also LISTENS when I talk. When we were butting heads and just getting more worked up first thing Saturday morning, I was beginning to think that the magic we've always had, from the moment we met, was really finally gone. I was terrified that too much ugliness had happened, it was too far gone.
I was wrong. Right in the middle of the mess, his eyes softened and his voice changed and just like that, the Real Deal that I fell in love with was back, and we were ok again. We worked through so much. We are truly ok again. We haven't been for years now.....
I am happy.
Obviously, since I can barely move today. Heeheeheee.
I'm also giving up cussing. TRD gently mentioned a couple things that lets me know he'd rather I got back to talking like a lady. Ahem.
That doesn't count here tho. Here I will say whatever I want, he knows this is my venting place :-)
Ironically, although he knows where my blog is and how to find it, The Real Deal doesn't ever read it. I guess he doesn't feel the need to, and that makes me happy in a way I can't really put my finger on.
I cut about three inches off my hair Saturday night. There is a little salon across the street and up a little bit from my cottage. I drive past it every day and think about going in. Its a little hispanic lady, and that gal works every single day in there. Long days, way into the evening. So, on a whim, in the rain on Saturday, I just walked in. She fit me in and for ten bucks gave me one of the BEST haircuts I've ever had. She and her sisters and daughters couldn't stop touching my hair and saying how soft it was haha. She told me, in her broken english, that I was the first blond to ever step into the joint. I told her I'd be back every six weeks. Sweet sweet gal. Her grandson acted like I was a bear at the zoo, he was so amazed at a gringa being in his abuelitas salon. Hahaha.
Speaking of being the only white girl.....stopped at Shell this morning for fuel, and had to go inside because I was paying cash. I was literally the only caucasion in the place. It was pretty funny. Then when I was walking out to fill the car up, two mini vans backed out of the parking spots right in front of the store, and we had us a little mishap. Yep, neither one would give way, and they backed into each other. Sucky way to start a Monday, eh?
Hit ZERO traffic on 35 this morning. It's amazing, the way the traffic patterns run through there. There are pockets of time, even during the rush hours, where you can just sail along with no slowups whatsoever. It was one of those mornings. Just stopping for gas put me in a time line where it was smooth sailing all the way up here. That's a pretty cool way to start a Monday.
I will be back at Job #2 tonight and tomorrow night for sure. We have added an attraction that has boomed way faster than we expected, and The Squaw is being called in for back up. It's astonishing how much I am looking forward to it!!!
Have a great day all. Love someone today.
What an absolutely fantastic weekend!!! Nothing in particular happened that would probably seem outstanding to anyone else, but to me, it was greatness!!!
As you all know, The Real Deal and I have had our ups and downs as I have had to navigate all this house, marriage, bestie bullshit. It's been rough for a long time now. No matter if Mister Wonderful and I had an agreement about just living together as roommates till Papoose #2 is graduated and moved out, then selling the house, and in the meantime we do what we do and nobody asks questions.....it is nearly impossible to live in that arrangement and it not be stressful to every person involved. There is always collateral damage. Whatever, we thought we were doing the right thing, and that's over now anyway.
Anyhow, it has been so hard on TRD, watching me go through all of this and not being able to do anything to help me, knowing that I was up there with my family, cooking dinner and watching movies and having a life, and not with him most of the time, etc. Add to that that I would often take my anger, resentments, hurt and frustrations out on him during the few hours we actually had together, and that makes for a strained relationship, to say the least.
Well, I'm on the other side of the hurt with Molly and MW, I've moved past the sadness of losing the home I worked so hard for and loved so much, and I live right across the street from TRD. Saturday morning, what started out working its way into an altercation between TRD and I, which has become habit/the norm, ended with us working through the hurt I've caused him, as well as many other issues that he's not wanted to bring up to me for fear of making things worse or losing me. He is one of the rare men that will actually talk to you about feelings, fears and solutions to anything that comes up. He also LISTENS when I talk. When we were butting heads and just getting more worked up first thing Saturday morning, I was beginning to think that the magic we've always had, from the moment we met, was really finally gone. I was terrified that too much ugliness had happened, it was too far gone.
I was wrong. Right in the middle of the mess, his eyes softened and his voice changed and just like that, the Real Deal that I fell in love with was back, and we were ok again. We worked through so much. We are truly ok again. We haven't been for years now.....
I am happy.
Obviously, since I can barely move today. Heeheeheee.
I'm also giving up cussing. TRD gently mentioned a couple things that lets me know he'd rather I got back to talking like a lady. Ahem.
That doesn't count here tho. Here I will say whatever I want, he knows this is my venting place :-)
Ironically, although he knows where my blog is and how to find it, The Real Deal doesn't ever read it. I guess he doesn't feel the need to, and that makes me happy in a way I can't really put my finger on.
I cut about three inches off my hair Saturday night. There is a little salon across the street and up a little bit from my cottage. I drive past it every day and think about going in. Its a little hispanic lady, and that gal works every single day in there. Long days, way into the evening. So, on a whim, in the rain on Saturday, I just walked in. She fit me in and for ten bucks gave me one of the BEST haircuts I've ever had. She and her sisters and daughters couldn't stop touching my hair and saying how soft it was haha. She told me, in her broken english, that I was the first blond to ever step into the joint. I told her I'd be back every six weeks. Sweet sweet gal. Her grandson acted like I was a bear at the zoo, he was so amazed at a gringa being in his abuelitas salon. Hahaha.
Speaking of being the only white girl.....stopped at Shell this morning for fuel, and had to go inside because I was paying cash. I was literally the only caucasion in the place. It was pretty funny. Then when I was walking out to fill the car up, two mini vans backed out of the parking spots right in front of the store, and we had us a little mishap. Yep, neither one would give way, and they backed into each other. Sucky way to start a Monday, eh?
Hit ZERO traffic on 35 this morning. It's amazing, the way the traffic patterns run through there. There are pockets of time, even during the rush hours, where you can just sail along with no slowups whatsoever. It was one of those mornings. Just stopping for gas put me in a time line where it was smooth sailing all the way up here. That's a pretty cool way to start a Monday.
I will be back at Job #2 tonight and tomorrow night for sure. We have added an attraction that has boomed way faster than we expected, and The Squaw is being called in for back up. It's astonishing how much I am looking forward to it!!!
Have a great day all. Love someone today.
Friday, February 17, 2012
After Much Comtemplation.....
Awhile back, I thought that the right thing to do was to shut this blog down. After all, in trying to make Mister Wonderful fully and completely hate my guts so she could have him, my home and family all to herself, Molly, my most trusted, best and dearest friend since grade school, told him all about my blog and where to find it, so that he could read it and follow it at will. In my attempt to keep from hurting him, and because of the lack of privacy and openness I felt I could find here anymore, after her betrayal of this place of mine, I had decided that I had no choice but to stop blogging. Several people commented and sent private messages to me about it, all in support of my NOT letting Molly take this thing, this very important tool and part of me, away. So I decided to keep at it, work thru it, and to hell with both of them. Although every comment and email I received during this time touched my heart and really got to me, there was one in particular that really rammed home how fucking stupid I was being in heaping all of the responsibility for doing "the right thing" on my own shoulders. Since it was sent in as a comment, I don't know if all of my readers had a chance to see it or not. I've been mulling this over and over since I received the comment, and read it till I have it memorized. Hell, I even copied it and sent it directly to Mister Wonderful, to make damn sure he didn't miss it. I've decided that it really does need a post of its own, so here goes:
I guess this blog hit me because this happened to me. My BF and MW stabbed me in the back over twenty years ago. I got the same abuse MW is handing you now. He blamed me for the affair and BF enjoyed the abuse he heaped on me. I just wanted to tell you this is not your fault. You could have been the biggest nag, the most stubborn, and the most argumentative wife ever and still this is not your fault. He made the decision to make the ultimate betrayal, to pick the most hurtful person he could find with which to have a fling. That he thinks he has the right to destroy your children's family unit based on your behavior is a character flaw on his part not your. I felt embarrassed, hurt, betrayed, and played nice thinking that somehow it would change things back to the way they were. I assure you he's not playing nice back. He has allowed this woman to play the "cool" adult with your children knowing how it must hurt you, he has allowed and encouraged this woman to bag on you in his presence. He is not playing nice; he wants to hurt you. Do not feel embarrassed, this is his shame not yours. Do not feel guilty, there is no wrong you have done to make MW sleep with your BF, he choose to do this rather than work things out like a responsible adult. Do not make the mistake that your ex-BF should be the focus of your anger, she's nothing in the scheme of things really. She will be his next huckleberry when he is done hurting you; she's not gonna be Ms. Romance forever I promise. The real betrayer; the real fault; the real low down dog in all of this is MW and no matter how much he tries to make you think you are the problem. I promise the rest of the world knows who looks bad here and it's not the one justifying the destruction of a family, and an affair with someone's BF. God bless you and keep blogging. I think you are handling this wonderfully!
Thank you, commenter. Every single time I begin to doubt myself and start loading that blame back up on my shoulders, every single time I read his ugly words he still sends me in texts or other messages and I start to believe him, I go back and read this again, and again, and again, along with the other comments you good people have taken the time out of your busy lives to send.
Thank you, all of you. Thank you.
I guess this blog hit me because this happened to me. My BF and MW stabbed me in the back over twenty years ago. I got the same abuse MW is handing you now. He blamed me for the affair and BF enjoyed the abuse he heaped on me. I just wanted to tell you this is not your fault. You could have been the biggest nag, the most stubborn, and the most argumentative wife ever and still this is not your fault. He made the decision to make the ultimate betrayal, to pick the most hurtful person he could find with which to have a fling. That he thinks he has the right to destroy your children's family unit based on your behavior is a character flaw on his part not your. I felt embarrassed, hurt, betrayed, and played nice thinking that somehow it would change things back to the way they were. I assure you he's not playing nice back. He has allowed this woman to play the "cool" adult with your children knowing how it must hurt you, he has allowed and encouraged this woman to bag on you in his presence. He is not playing nice; he wants to hurt you. Do not feel embarrassed, this is his shame not yours. Do not feel guilty, there is no wrong you have done to make MW sleep with your BF, he choose to do this rather than work things out like a responsible adult. Do not make the mistake that your ex-BF should be the focus of your anger, she's nothing in the scheme of things really. She will be his next huckleberry when he is done hurting you; she's not gonna be Ms. Romance forever I promise. The real betrayer; the real fault; the real low down dog in all of this is MW and no matter how much he tries to make you think you are the problem. I promise the rest of the world knows who looks bad here and it's not the one justifying the destruction of a family, and an affair with someone's BF. God bless you and keep blogging. I think you are handling this wonderfully!
Thank you, commenter. Every single time I begin to doubt myself and start loading that blame back up on my shoulders, every single time I read his ugly words he still sends me in texts or other messages and I start to believe him, I go back and read this again, and again, and again, along with the other comments you good people have taken the time out of your busy lives to send.
Thank you, all of you. Thank you.
Hi, My Name Is Squaw, And..............................
Bosses just took me out to lunch. We all had a really nice visit and some great laughs. I really enjoyed it!! They wouldn't let me pay for my lunch, which was kinda cool too.
Funny quote: "Ex husbands are like weekly trash...u put it to the curb and there is always some down & out desperate person that scoops it up" *snicker*
I have started attending a local AA meeting near my new home. There are many reasons for this, the beer I've been drinking as I navigate this mess of a life being only one of them. Considering the one thing they DON'T talk about in there is drinking, I've been learning so many different ways of dealing with things in life, and learning a new way of thinking about things that come at me that I have no power over. It is incredible the coping skills I am learning there. It is a small group, and they've all been very welcoming and helpful to me.
I have to admit, I nearly had a panic attack the very first meeting I attended. I had never been to that neighborhood, to that building (my gps took me to the MIDDLE of a Y in two roads, seriously), or to a meeting of any kind like that, so I was petrified of the unknown thing I was walking into, alone. Then, the second I walk in, I'm bombarded with people that wanted to make me feel welcome, and all they accomplished was to fully engage the "flight" part of the fight or flight instinct. I'm grateful I had the presence of mind to let the "flight" take me to the potty where I could regain my sense of balance, and walk back out, find a seat, and wait for the meeting to begin.
They are a close knit, small group who have been together for YEARS. I'm the only newbie there. So far, I've chosen not to speak, except to take my turn reading an article or whatever else they are studying. Idk if I will ever want to speak in there. Right now, I'm just absorbing everything that is going on around me. And thats ok.
I know that I have many things to work on inside of me. I know that I have many changes and difficulties I will need to get through before this marriage and life change is fully behind me. I need the direction and purpose of learning something new. Also, obviously I've not been a very good steward of my own life and behaviors, so I just decided that there HAD to be something out there that might at least distract me from my problems and give me a start at how to change my thinking and begin to learn how to be ok in my own head, in my own skin.
No, I do not have a regular therapist. I have been ordered, in no uncertain terms, that I am NOT welcome to use "his" insurance for ANYTHING, by Mister Wonderful. So this has turned out to be a fabulous substitute so far.
In a month or so, I am adding my bootcamp workouts to my new routine. This will be a good thing as well. Get myself back to the me that feels good, inside and out.
I have important things to do. I have much to learn, so that I can learn to like myself as a stepping stone to learning to love myself, so that I may NEVER fall into the trap of hating myself so much that I allow myself to be treated with anything other than respect and love ever again.
I've had my fill of the alternative, thankyouverymuch.
So there it is.
Peace, everyone.
Funny quote: "Ex husbands are like weekly trash...u put it to the curb and there is always some down & out desperate person that scoops it up" *snicker*
I have started attending a local AA meeting near my new home. There are many reasons for this, the beer I've been drinking as I navigate this mess of a life being only one of them. Considering the one thing they DON'T talk about in there is drinking, I've been learning so many different ways of dealing with things in life, and learning a new way of thinking about things that come at me that I have no power over. It is incredible the coping skills I am learning there. It is a small group, and they've all been very welcoming and helpful to me.
I have to admit, I nearly had a panic attack the very first meeting I attended. I had never been to that neighborhood, to that building (my gps took me to the MIDDLE of a Y in two roads, seriously), or to a meeting of any kind like that, so I was petrified of the unknown thing I was walking into, alone. Then, the second I walk in, I'm bombarded with people that wanted to make me feel welcome, and all they accomplished was to fully engage the "flight" part of the fight or flight instinct. I'm grateful I had the presence of mind to let the "flight" take me to the potty where I could regain my sense of balance, and walk back out, find a seat, and wait for the meeting to begin.
They are a close knit, small group who have been together for YEARS. I'm the only newbie there. So far, I've chosen not to speak, except to take my turn reading an article or whatever else they are studying. Idk if I will ever want to speak in there. Right now, I'm just absorbing everything that is going on around me. And thats ok.
I know that I have many things to work on inside of me. I know that I have many changes and difficulties I will need to get through before this marriage and life change is fully behind me. I need the direction and purpose of learning something new. Also, obviously I've not been a very good steward of my own life and behaviors, so I just decided that there HAD to be something out there that might at least distract me from my problems and give me a start at how to change my thinking and begin to learn how to be ok in my own head, in my own skin.
No, I do not have a regular therapist. I have been ordered, in no uncertain terms, that I am NOT welcome to use "his" insurance for ANYTHING, by Mister Wonderful. So this has turned out to be a fabulous substitute so far.
In a month or so, I am adding my bootcamp workouts to my new routine. This will be a good thing as well. Get myself back to the me that feels good, inside and out.
I have important things to do. I have much to learn, so that I can learn to like myself as a stepping stone to learning to love myself, so that I may NEVER fall into the trap of hating myself so much that I allow myself to be treated with anything other than respect and love ever again.
I've had my fill of the alternative, thankyouverymuch.
So there it is.
Peace, everyone.
Some Days Are Better Than Others
Tomorrow at 10:30a.m. I go up to the tepee to meet with Mister Wonderful and the realtor to do the walk through. I can't believe all of the back breaking work I put in to save that house, just to lose it in one breath.
Life goes on.
Papoose #2 is spending the night with me tonight. That will be awesome. I've missed her.
Plus, that will give MW HOURS on the phone with his true love.
Everyone together now "Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww"
I just threw up a little there.
The Real Deal has been so incredibly supportive through all of this. He despises both of them for what they've done and continue to do, sighting that the least they could do is agree to the plan we all had to wait till Papoose #2 was off on her own, but hey, there's nobody involved in this whose stomach doesn't turn at the decision Mister Wonderful and Molly made to fuck this whole family up. They don't care about the collateral damage. That's on their souls.
It was nice to see the rain this morning. Especially since it wasn't cold enough for it to be turned into ice on my windshield that needed clearing before I could head to work.
On my way to work, I got a text from Papoose #2 asking for me to go by and get her. She had decided to miss the bus and eat her bagel in peace. Haha. I didn't get her to school on time, but considering how much later I leave my house on days I don't need to swing by the tepee and take her to school, I did damn good getting here there only two minutes late, I think!!!
I am always more willing to share my bacon than I am my potatoes. Loves me some potatoes, no matter how they are prepared.
As the day goes on, I think of so many things that I want to share here, but by the time I am sitting here staring at the screen, it's all vanished.
I can't wait till my heart and mind are mine again, once all this ugliness and these cancerous people are carved totally out of my life. Be gone with you, you two will fuck each other up quite nicely, lets just get this whole thing over with already, so you can go your way, and I can go mine.
I'm more blond than normal, with all of this stuff!!!
haha
Gotta go.
Have a good one, all.
Life goes on.
Papoose #2 is spending the night with me tonight. That will be awesome. I've missed her.
Plus, that will give MW HOURS on the phone with his true love.
Everyone together now "Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww"
I just threw up a little there.
The Real Deal has been so incredibly supportive through all of this. He despises both of them for what they've done and continue to do, sighting that the least they could do is agree to the plan we all had to wait till Papoose #2 was off on her own, but hey, there's nobody involved in this whose stomach doesn't turn at the decision Mister Wonderful and Molly made to fuck this whole family up. They don't care about the collateral damage. That's on their souls.
It was nice to see the rain this morning. Especially since it wasn't cold enough for it to be turned into ice on my windshield that needed clearing before I could head to work.
On my way to work, I got a text from Papoose #2 asking for me to go by and get her. She had decided to miss the bus and eat her bagel in peace. Haha. I didn't get her to school on time, but considering how much later I leave my house on days I don't need to swing by the tepee and take her to school, I did damn good getting here there only two minutes late, I think!!!
I am always more willing to share my bacon than I am my potatoes. Loves me some potatoes, no matter how they are prepared.
As the day goes on, I think of so many things that I want to share here, but by the time I am sitting here staring at the screen, it's all vanished.
I can't wait till my heart and mind are mine again, once all this ugliness and these cancerous people are carved totally out of my life. Be gone with you, you two will fuck each other up quite nicely, lets just get this whole thing over with already, so you can go your way, and I can go mine.
I'm more blond than normal, with all of this stuff!!!
haha
Gotta go.
Have a good one, all.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
The Day After The Day After Valentines Day
Yeah, I crack myself up :-)
It's been fabulously crazy around these parts.
We are meeting with a realtor Saturday for a walk through. We are putting the tepee on the market.
Mister Wonderful has it set in his head that he is madly in love with Molly and will be bringing her back to Texas and getting a place together and living happily ever after with her.
Yeah, good luck with that, MW. She WILL have another melt down. Most likely that will happen when you actually expect her to get a job or handle any kind of responsibility like a real adult.
Wish you two the best of luck and every happiness.
No, Papoose #2 will not be living with them, she will be with me. She despises MW and Molly for what they have done and keep doing out of their own sick selfishness, and will never condone the bullshit.
So, he is choosing Molly over his own daughter. Nice guy huh?
He refuses to wait till Papoose #2 is graduated, because he says he fears he will lose Molly if he makes her wait at all to be with him.
What he fails to realize is that she is only using him like she does EVERY single guy she can get her hooks into, looking for an easy life and someone to take care of her. He will learn that lesson in his own time. I actually feel bad for the mother fucker.
Have at it, lovebirds.
He has his orders from her to divorce me asap and get rid of our tepee asap because she wants a place all her own, one that I have no ties to or access to. Super sweet huh? Sounds like they both are starting into a beautiful relationship with all the right trust and respect in place, right??
Yeah, both of them are hiding their relationship from both of their families and all of their friends. Of course thy are, because they know what disgusting human beings they are for ever starting it, much less continuing it. They intend to wait till he and I are divorced and some time has passed, then announce their TRUE LOVE to the world. Gag me. She even made him promise not to tell me that they are in contact and making plans on acting in their 'true love' too. So guys, ummm, if you are in a relationship that you have to hide from the entire world, uh, doesn't that send up a red flag that maybe it's WRONG? Just sayin.
Now, bear in mind that MW and I had an agreement. We were going to live as roommates in the tepee to keep Papoose #2 in her home and school till she graduated. We knew we were not staying married. I have no issue whatsoever with him dating anyone in the entire world. I just think it's stomach turning and disgusting that he hooked up with my supposed best friend. It's not that he wants someone else, it's that they have so little regard for anyone else, they would commit the ultimate betrayal to me and my family. Not to mention the fact that she doesn't love him, she sees a meal ticket and the attention she craves and uses sex to get.
Oh well, I will just sit back and watch that whole abortion of a relationship implode. There is NO WAY he will tolerate all the garbage that she will bring to his life. I actually tried to warn the fucker, to no avail of course.
I am so blessed to have so many TRUE friends in my life. They have been aces in supporting me through the grief, pain and shock of my best friend and husband hooking up in my house while I was out working to pay the mortgage on it. You all have actually gotten me to where I don't feel anger about it anymore, just curiosity to see how it all plays out.
And sadness for MW, because I know that even though his huge ego won't let him believe he is being played by Molly just like every other guy is and has been played by her before, he will end up hurt or worse, legally tied to or responsible for that fucking crazy crack whore. Live and learn, I guess.
Oh, and she is still in constant contact with the lover she was with when I moved her out here, lying to him and telling him that she's not in contact with ANYONE in Texas and most certainly not MW, and that I made all that up. Uh, yeah. I sort of have all the emails and texts between MW and I to support the truth in that you lying bitch. So, keeping the other boyfriend on the line just in case it doesn't work out with MW....good play you nasty snatch.
Ok, well I'm done here. I know some of you don't think I should vent here, but that is what this is, a place for me to journal. If anyone doesn't like what I write, don't read it. I don't use anyones real full names, I don't give out addresses or anything like that.
Everything I've put on here is true, as God is my witness, so there ya go.
Ok, I vented, you all are up to date somewhat. There is PLENTY more that's happened and that MW has told me and that Molly has done, that I won't put here, just because it's TOO hurtful to MW or too personal to him.
See what a decent person I am thru all this????
Have a FABULOUS day all, I know I'm going to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's been fabulously crazy around these parts.
We are meeting with a realtor Saturday for a walk through. We are putting the tepee on the market.
Mister Wonderful has it set in his head that he is madly in love with Molly and will be bringing her back to Texas and getting a place together and living happily ever after with her.
Yeah, good luck with that, MW. She WILL have another melt down. Most likely that will happen when you actually expect her to get a job or handle any kind of responsibility like a real adult.
Wish you two the best of luck and every happiness.
No, Papoose #2 will not be living with them, she will be with me. She despises MW and Molly for what they have done and keep doing out of their own sick selfishness, and will never condone the bullshit.
So, he is choosing Molly over his own daughter. Nice guy huh?
He refuses to wait till Papoose #2 is graduated, because he says he fears he will lose Molly if he makes her wait at all to be with him.
What he fails to realize is that she is only using him like she does EVERY single guy she can get her hooks into, looking for an easy life and someone to take care of her. He will learn that lesson in his own time. I actually feel bad for the mother fucker.
Have at it, lovebirds.
He has his orders from her to divorce me asap and get rid of our tepee asap because she wants a place all her own, one that I have no ties to or access to. Super sweet huh? Sounds like they both are starting into a beautiful relationship with all the right trust and respect in place, right??
Yeah, both of them are hiding their relationship from both of their families and all of their friends. Of course thy are, because they know what disgusting human beings they are for ever starting it, much less continuing it. They intend to wait till he and I are divorced and some time has passed, then announce their TRUE LOVE to the world. Gag me. She even made him promise not to tell me that they are in contact and making plans on acting in their 'true love' too. So guys, ummm, if you are in a relationship that you have to hide from the entire world, uh, doesn't that send up a red flag that maybe it's WRONG? Just sayin.
Now, bear in mind that MW and I had an agreement. We were going to live as roommates in the tepee to keep Papoose #2 in her home and school till she graduated. We knew we were not staying married. I have no issue whatsoever with him dating anyone in the entire world. I just think it's stomach turning and disgusting that he hooked up with my supposed best friend. It's not that he wants someone else, it's that they have so little regard for anyone else, they would commit the ultimate betrayal to me and my family. Not to mention the fact that she doesn't love him, she sees a meal ticket and the attention she craves and uses sex to get.
Oh well, I will just sit back and watch that whole abortion of a relationship implode. There is NO WAY he will tolerate all the garbage that she will bring to his life. I actually tried to warn the fucker, to no avail of course.
I am so blessed to have so many TRUE friends in my life. They have been aces in supporting me through the grief, pain and shock of my best friend and husband hooking up in my house while I was out working to pay the mortgage on it. You all have actually gotten me to where I don't feel anger about it anymore, just curiosity to see how it all plays out.
And sadness for MW, because I know that even though his huge ego won't let him believe he is being played by Molly just like every other guy is and has been played by her before, he will end up hurt or worse, legally tied to or responsible for that fucking crazy crack whore. Live and learn, I guess.
Oh, and she is still in constant contact with the lover she was with when I moved her out here, lying to him and telling him that she's not in contact with ANYONE in Texas and most certainly not MW, and that I made all that up. Uh, yeah. I sort of have all the emails and texts between MW and I to support the truth in that you lying bitch. So, keeping the other boyfriend on the line just in case it doesn't work out with MW....good play you nasty snatch.
Ok, well I'm done here. I know some of you don't think I should vent here, but that is what this is, a place for me to journal. If anyone doesn't like what I write, don't read it. I don't use anyones real full names, I don't give out addresses or anything like that.
Everything I've put on here is true, as God is my witness, so there ya go.
Ok, I vented, you all are up to date somewhat. There is PLENTY more that's happened and that MW has told me and that Molly has done, that I won't put here, just because it's TOO hurtful to MW or too personal to him.
See what a decent person I am thru all this????
Have a FABULOUS day all, I know I'm going to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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