Wednesday, March 9, 2011

On Skunks and Pocket Calls

Any time I have to call down to Mister Wonderfuls place of employment, which is RARELY, the girls there in the office are SO rude to me.  They all hate me with a passion.  Evidently they are all in love with MW and just cannot stand how awful I treat him.  This all started back when we officially separated and he moved in with his best buddy.  Lots of boohooing and poor meing at the office, I'm sure.  He nailed several of them.  One of them was so madly in love with him, and had been sleeping with him for years, that when he refused to get serious with her, she quit her job of 17 years there in the office, middle of the day, after lunch.  No notice, nothing.  She was heartbroken.  His Mustang Cobra was keyed not once, but something like 5 times after that.  Hope that poontang was worth it MW.   And broken hearted chickie???  You should have called me.  Had I known about all of this when it was actually going down, I would have GIVEN him to you!  Would have saved me the last 6 years and a shared house payment, at least.

Trust me, you dodged a bullet on that one, girlfriend.  Of course, I'm not sure the gang member vato you are engaged to now is a real step up, but you go girl.

Anyhow, what started all of this was a pocket call I got from MW while I was running out to grab something for lunch today.  Suffice it to say, he had a lunch date.  Nuff said.  Rather entertaining.  So, knowing he wasn't at the office, I called the office and when his Cerberus answered, I asked to speak with him and was informed he was not back from lunch yet.  I knew the message would get to him that I had called looking for him, which is practically unheard of.  It did.  I hadn't been back from lunch ten minutes when my phone rang.  It was him.  Sounding VERY nervous.  I simply said "I will show you how to set up your screen lock on your new phone tonight, so you stop pocket dialing people"  HAHAHAHAHA.  If you can't afford to divorce em yet, you can at least have fun pokin em with a stick  ;-)

Update on my shit shoveling friend:  OMG YOU PEOPLE DO THIS EVERY DAY????? ON PURPOSE?????  WITHOUT A COURT ORDER????  GOOD GOD, YOU PEOPLE ARE CRAZY!!!!!!  And, evidently, there are no potties there for them to use.  Of course, you know me, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to say "are you telling me that you are shoveling shit all day, and there is no restroom for you to use?  Now that, my friend, is ironic!!"

We were all trapped by a rabid skunk here at work today.  Two of the peeps I work with were gone to lunch and came back to a skunk scratching at the back door trying to get in the office.  I sure am glad I didn't take off a few minutes early for my lunch hour, like I had thought about doing.  When they showed up he ran around the front of the office, but when they tried to come in the back door he came charging back around towards them.  Shout out to Coworker 1, you musta got some speed on ya there!!!  Coworker 2 said you were like a streak, there one second, and a shriek and some flying gravel and you were GONE!!!!

Coworker 2 distracted the poor sick thing so I could run to my car and get out to get something to eat. Senior Stinky was still under a car in the carport when I got back, but the gal that owns that car remote started it and he scurried off somewhere on the yard.  He is definitely sick though, and animal control is here to try and find him now.  I wanted to snap a pic of him, but he was so spazzy and unpredictable, I was afraid he'd maul me when I inevitably fell off my flip flops and busted my ass in the gravel, so I forgo the pic, sorry.

Maybe he wasn't in attack mode.  Maybe he was someones pet skunk that got lost.  Awwww, I shall call him Squishy, and he shall be mine!!!!!

Be right back, I'm gonna go skunk huntin before something happens to my new pet Squishy.  Come on Coworker 1, get my back, I know you've got the speed to catch him, flip flops be damned!!!!


  1. Run out there and grab him by the head with your right hand and hold his tail down with your left hand. He can't spray you....promise.

    said with fingers crossed

  2. Oh, and I had to look up Cerebus.
    I'm just a dumb old country boy!

  3. LOL!! Girl, that bustin' with the flipflops line cracked me up! Funny Girl...;-)